Only a week until I learn the truth behind Melody's death... I don't want to know but as her mother, I ought to know the truth. I've been running different scenarios in my head: what if her death was because of me? What if there's nothing wrong with her? The first one, I don't think I can ever forgive myself and I don't know how other people will react to that either, they'll either blame me or hate me.. 😢😢😢 #iloveyousweetheart

These past few nights, I've been getting lots of dreams, weird ones. The ones that woke me up scared, but there were some that disturbed me, and there was one which left me crying; I was actually crying in that dream and woke up to find myself crying too. That was last night, I dreamt I was in a maze race, and I got to a point where there was a soft toy section (God knows why) and I picked up one of them, it was a Minnie Mouse but dressed in my late daughter, Melody's funeral dress, mittens and...

I miss my daughter so much.. next month on the 21st October, 2 months after my birthday, I'll get to know what went wrong with her. I'm nervous, I'm scared. I don't know what to think. only think I know, if her death was caused by me, I don't think I could live with myself. #melody4thmonth

Dearest ladies, I'm here to write that I'll be leaving the UK with my partner to Bali. We're relocating, hoping for a better life there. I hope I still can use this app over there, in case we decide to start a little family of our own. Thank you for all your support all these while; my pregnancy until the loss of my baby Melody. I'll be taking her ashes back so she'll be close to us. xx

This post is not intended to attack anyone here but I'm here to rant.. my former schoolmates saw a video of midwives practicing Breech birth using a dummy, and they all commented "disgusting", "ewwww", and "why the hell are you watching this?!". All I thought was, one day you'll have to go through that yourself and if you can't bear to see the video then just bugger off, or maybe just don't watch it or maybe don't even think of giving birth then 😤. Why the nasty comments whilst the whole point o...

Hey mummies, for those who are anemic whilst pregnant, did you get just iron pills or did you get an option of an iron injection? my mum and dad are worried about me after Melody's birth, being a little malnourished due to depression. They want me to take chinese herbal soup to recuperate faster but my cousin suggested iron injections? xx

And mummies, if you're living in Durham or nearby or wish to visit, go to the Market hall in the city centre, they have loads of new born and premature knitted and non knitted things at very low prices. They also do some personalised blankets and other stuff for your babies. xx

For those who live in Durham or up north I want to say I love it there... back in London it's roasting hot!!!! I don't know how all of you are doing with the heat but I know I'm melting. sending my hugs and lots of love to you all mummies and little ones!!! 😚😚😚 and oh, the market hall in Durham is superb; got my Melody some more knitted preemie cardigans for collection.... they're so cheap!

First pic I upload that's not so depressing; my boyfriend was so sweet after my arrival in Weardale Lodge, Killhope. He took me to places, spent time together like never before, spoke our hearts out and today we went to Diggerland for some fun and then a less pleasant day at Beamish because of the overwhelming heat. at the end of the day I'm so knackered, we talked about things and I got emotional again when we mentioned about Melody.