I don't know who else to talk to or where else to post this. I don't want to purge my feelings on social media but I've been struggling. I do not think or believe I have Post Partum depression but I know something isn't right anymore. I feel so helpless and stressed when my baby cries. I worry for him so much. I can't seem to completely enjoy my newborn and raising him because I get so upset when he cries. My husband is a huge help but he doesn't quite understand. he's stated multiple times he thinks raising our son is easy for him. He helps out tremendously and we even take shifts throughout the night and day to care for our son, but now I'm sitting here awake because my baby cries and it upsets me so badly. I see stuff on the news happening to children and get upset thinking it could be my baby. I feel so helpless. I would never want to leave my baby for any reason. I always pray to God to help take my stress away but it has become so overwhelming. I don't eat nearly as much as I should be nor really feel hungry anymore except maybe once a day. I started smoking again. I can't breast feed my baby- only pump because he isn't gaining weight fast enough and him suckling from my breast burns too mant calories. So I pump but I mostly have to formula feed. He was born 8 pounds 9 ounces and dropped to 7 pounds 14 ounces and then we got the weight back up fairly quickly to 8 pounds 3 ounces but he's only gained an ounce in a few days time. The doctors aren't extremely concerned but they are keeping an eye on him. My son has to be fed every two hours on the dot. I have only been a parent for 9 days and I feel like a failure already. I don't know how to take this stress away. All I want is to enjoy raising my baby. I have so much anxiety now it's not even funny. I don't know what to do anymore.😢
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Hang in there it gets easier. I had similar feelings and now I'm really getting past them and enjoying my baby. I think those of us who have had loss put pretty high expectations on ourself and the experience. Just know you are doing your best and everything will be alright!! Bottle or breastfeeding you baby is lucky to have a mommy that cares.
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