I'd allow breastfed babies only and if anyone questions it say that's all that's allowed.

However if it really is causing you so much stress just say she can bring the baby & get it over with. Not worth getting yourself so worked up over it....weddings are stressful enough without adding that to it. I'm sure having her baby there will not change your special day when it comes.

I'm not forcing her to do anything she's been saying all along you can't have one persons kids there and not others so stick to no kids. She telling me she is gonna express ect.. I would never tell her she had too I have no rights! She's been married before and she had the no kids rule at her own wedding! Her cousen was a bridesmaid and wasn't aloud to take her kids! I'm more annoyed she isn't talking to me about it all and is just leaving me stressing about it

I am due in 8weeks, I plan on breastfeeding if I can & I have one of my best friends wedding early August. My baby is not invited as she is having no kids other than her niece. I will need to be organised & make sure I express. At end of day it's her big day not mine so I feel she is entitled to call the shots. As someone earlier said you tend to find most ppl enjoy a rare day/night off without their kids. A wedding is a big enough expensive without adding friends children on. If your friends baby was 3months or younger then I would say definitely invite her baby but at over 5months she has plenty time to make arrangements & try out expressing. Every mum is different though

When I get married the only kids who will be there are my bridal parties kids and the groomsmens kids and all kids will be gone at 8pm. I want the kids there as they do make the day but at night there is no reason for them to be around 120 drunk adults. Maybe chat to your partner about having kids in the day and at a certain time all kids must go, my mums even taking our kids home as it will be a rare night that we get too let our hair down xx

I got married last April and gave every parent the voice if they wanted to bring their children. Most said no but a few had childcare issues so I didn't mind.

My sister is getting married and this year and my baby will be 7 months old, she has been asking me repeatedly who will be watching him and tbh she has been told he will be there! I plan on breast feeding my baby and don't see why I should wean him to the bottle for anyone! For a few reasons

1 not all breast fed babies take to bottles

2 not all mums can express

3 I'm planning baby led weaning so he will still be in the trial stages of food so dependent on me

4 why should I be forced to leave my baby for the first time just because she is getting married? I can't drink loads if I'm feeding anyway

I stormed out of her house the other day as she isn't listening! She keeps saying I will be more relaxed if baby isn't there etc, I probably won't be more relaxed tbh. I feel awful as I feel I have given her an ultimatum but my baby my choice to have him so to me he's not an inconvenience. My husband will watch him in evening and I will feed if I need to. If your friend is feeding there is not a lot she can do, she would need to express to be comfortable and shouldn't be forced to give her baby a bottle

I know you are stressed but breastfeeding babies in arms should be allowed to go with mum ... just my opinion. If it was my previous children i probably wouldn't of stayed long at the wedding as i was fully breastfeeding xx

See this is hard cause so many ppl have kisd now and to be far when they are babies yoy don't have to pay anything for then unless they are over 2 well that's what my hotel did anyway. To me having my friends, family and children (20 of them) as I new some of my friends, family wouldnt be able to come if I said no kids and I wanted thrm all to be there but thsts just me

Ps. With your anxiety then I really wouldn't be giving this much air time, worry about the bigger stuff or it will all just feel so overwhelming. I remember the lead up to my wedding and I was a wreck. Don't make yourself more of a wreck than necessary ?? x

I would stop asking her then and say that she can bring the baby? Seems like there's so much more going on than just whether her kid is at your wedding or not... weddings are stressful for the bride at the best of times and your bridesmaid is obv not being straight with you so as to not feel that she's causing a row/adding more stress (even though she actually is!) but in this instance you prob have to bite the bullet and decide:

Do I want my friend there or not?

If yes, she's prob going to have to bring her baby. It doesn't cost you anything extra to have the baby there. I made an exception for my friend who was bf her 2m old and she was the only child at our wedding apart from my cousin who was 5 and a flower girl. Nobody batted an eyelid that their kids weren't invited xx

I've read more of the comments- and yes she's being a real pain! I see why you're annoyed with her. But I would defo still allow her baby there if I was you. I just don't think kids (often noisy, make an big mess and you have to pay for!!) are the same as babies (who count towards your numbers for insurances but you won't have to pay for,)

When we said no kids she wasn't pregnant so it wasn't like I'd said it when I knew she would have a baby xx

I would absolutely tell her she should bring her baby.

Tons of weddings (most I've been to) have been child free. But I would never include breastfeeding babies in that. If lots of your friends are parents then no one else will question it.

I know she'll be distracted having baby there, and she's not being the best bridesmaid but it could be that she's annoyed if she doesn't think you understand that she can't / shouldn't have to leave her baby.

Shell think you'll just have to ask her out straight!atleast then you'll know what's happening won't you..x

Lydia that's fine and I wouldn't have wanted to leave mine but it's the fact she's left it till now to say or not say anything! When I've Seen her and her bf they tell me the plan of who's having which child ect... but instead she should be calling me back and saying I can't leave him and I wanna be part of it can he come! X

Thanks chels I agree, I bottle fed Isabella in the end but even then I struggled to part with her so I didn't so if anyone ever asked me to I was honest straight away and said no I don't want to! She should have said I have no intention of bottle feeding so I didn't carry on all these months expecting her to be able to be there for me the night before and the morning of the wedding ect... I've made all the girls gift bags which I wanted to give them all together the day before. The videographer and photographer are gonna be there while we get ready and I wanted her to be part of it. I already had a row with one of my sisters about the night before stuff cos she didn't wanna leave her little one so I said fine come at 8am the morning of the wedding as there 6 of us for hair and makeuo! But my sister then said no it's fine it's one night il be there. So I don't want the worry of her not turning up or being late! I can see her texting saying sorry running so behind will do my own hair and make up and il be there soon!! I've paid for her hair and make up and it's not cheap!!! I'm suffering anxiety really bad that I'm gonna be starting cbt and mess next week she knows all this so the last thing I want is her cancelling or being late on the day! She isn't a person that's on time when she says she on her way she hasn't left!!! She is always hours late and not organised. I'm trying to be organised and I can't till I've spoken to her! I need to book the rooms the night before but can't till I know what's happening as I don't know how many to book! She knows this and this is the txt she's ignoring xx

I understand it's your wedding & get where your coming from but honestly she's probably acting like this because truly she doesn't want to leave her baby to come to your wedding . & I can't blame her I wouldn't attend a wedding that required me to leave my 5 month old at home with someone

This is why we will elope ? with only us two and our two kids. I couldn't be bloody bothered! Ha xc

I get everyone saying ooh can she not bring the baby..well everyone else ain't!i don't get why she wouldn't say owt before!it ain't a surprise that no kids are going!i think she's in the wrong shell not you!if you guys can't afford to have kids at your wedding then that's up to you!she shouldn't of agreed to be apart of your wedding if she had no plans in following what you've asked!x

Well when we fell out before it was cos it was becoming a one way street where I'd be texting and calling her and she wasn't bothering with me! She was ment to arrange my hen do and didn't so I got sick of me just making an effort also she fell pregnant and didntbtell me but told some others! So I ended up saying it was best she wasn't part of the wedding because of how I felt and I said it was too stressful for me and her having a 18 month at the time and a baby on the way plus a controlling twatbof a bf plus 3 other kids to look after that it then ment she didn't have the stress of my wedding on her too. She went mad and said she didn't have anything going on in her life other than being pregnant. TBH I was trying to help us both! We fell out for a while but I missed her and felt something was missing so I decided to talk to her and tell how I was feeling and that I missed her and I wanted her to be part of it again but understood if she didn't want to. I think that should have been where she said (8months pregnant) no I can't as I'm about to have a baby and it's too much for her. Or said ok but I'm gonna be breastfeeding and don't wanna give him a bottle but she didn't she said yes and that we need to talk more if there are ever anything wrong and we need to both make more of an effort and that she was gonna try this baby with a bottle much sooner than her last as it took her two weeks to give him a bottle at 10 months. I said ok then. And it's been me trying again! And her not being completely honest with me about how she feels. Regards to the hen do, we going for a weekend to Bournemouth my friend offered to take her and said about coming for one night and arriving in the evening and going early. She said yeh but I wanna go to the spa day too. My friend said you can't have it both ways you need to talk to Shellie and she's not. Xx

Maybe as you've said no children she feels like she's between a rock and a hard place, feeling a bit awkward so is coming across as fobbing you off.

She probably really wants to be your maid of honour, but sometimes expressing/getting a bf baby to take a bottle just doesn't happen that easily. I can feed all mine fine but have trouble expressing much milk at all even with an electric pump... anyway I totally understand your point of view not wanting kids at your wedding for personal/financial reasons as well. We were the same, we didn't really want loads of kids running all over the place plus the cost of feeding them all.

I understand you wanting to be fair, but we said babies only, which only applied to the immediate family and bridal party. It was a compromise we decided on to make life easier for the people who were being a part of our special day. Yes not fair on everybody but that's my only suggestion, it worked well for us and no one complained or made us feel bad xxx

I personally think she should be saying that she can't be part of the wedding but that she still wants to be there on the day and can she bring just her baby, it sounds like it's getting very awkward and is going to end in an argument that could be avoided! You have a bridal party to support you on your big day and she won't be able to fully commit to you obviously so isn't much point is there? I wasn't a bridesmaid for my friend a couple of years ago because I had a 3 month old at the the time of the wedding and we agreed less stress for me if I was just a guest xxx

Danni I member that! And it's stupid putting an age on it! Either none or all! As long as my oh is happy then if it's what she wants to do then I don't have a problem I just wish she had said all this from the beginning rather than fobbing me off and now just not replying to anything. I've not even mentioned it since I saw her my messages are about other stuff and meeting for dinner with our partners ect... xx

I was my auntys bridesmaid a week after I had Oliver, they had the same thing. No kids allowed under 5 (they have 3). Obviously I wasn't leaving Oliver at a week old, so I went and did the ceremony and pictures whilst my step mum looked after Oliver in the reception, then, me, my dad, sister and step mum all left without a word. There was a massive family argument over it, as she wouldn't ever leave her kids! But at the end of the day, it's your wedding and people need to respect your decision! Hopefully she speaks to you about it! Xx

We were invited to a wedding which was a month after my due date and the invite said no kids. I called my friend to say we won't be able to make it as we would have a month old baby (semi expecting her to say bring her along) and she just said 'oh that's a shame'. And it did annoy me a little bit. So I think I'd probably make an exception for babies who are still bf for that reason x

I think you should make one exception for your maid of honour. I was a breastfeeding bridesmaids when my daughter was 6 months old and my baby came to the wedding. The bride knew I was feeding & was really kind to accommodate us. The fact that my daughter was there (being looked after by her dad while I did bm duties) meant that I could relax & enjoy the wedding. It really wasn't a big deal. X

we went to a child free wedding in August an Alfie was only a month old, the bride said I could bring him but her hubby said no as no one else kids were there, his sisters newborn was there in the end and I was annoyed I must admit but I wasn't feeding so no reason I couldn't of left him.i tanned me more the fact he said no but she said yes!

TBH anyone you ask to step up wouldn't mind if they were a true friend. I know my maid of honour said she couldn't originally come (week when London bombs went off and she was working non stop)

So another friend offered if she couldn't make it to be there. Don't think she felt second best xx

This is the reason I'm not married ?. The wedding scares me, my oh and my parents have never met, and it's so complicated and expensive. We have been together 14 years but don't want this stress!! She has a 5 month old, prob has terrible baby brain on top of your wedding, a new mum and a wedding. I was a crap maid of honour to be honest. I was in the middle of fertility tests and treatment, working from 4 am and as soon as I would finish would have to do wedding things, when all I wanted to do was sleep ?. My friend who wedding it was had never worked so had no idea how shattered I was. I remember going bribesmaid dress shopping after a 10 hour shift... never again ????.

See that's what I didn't wanna do have chosen people's kids there as when I was maid of honer that's what she did had best mans kids but not bridesmaids or my child which was fine as being her maid of honer would have be difficult while watching my own while photos ect.. I wouldn't ask anyone else if she decided not to come as I would feel that person would feel second best if you know what I mean xx

TBH I was maid of honour and my friend refused kids at the wedding. Including my baby who was 5 months knowing I had extreme anxiety leaving her after our angel baby.

I had to ask her the day before and she was fine in the end.

I did the hen weekend without her though and that was mega hard. But I felt I had to go.

Kids were allowed in the evening however we had to leave early as my eldest DD fell and broke her arm.

TBH our friendship hasn't been the same and I was hurt as the best man and others in the wedding list were allowed their kids who were older and needed feeding but I wasn't and DD was still not on solids so free! It's a toughie but it's your day ask her outright if she wants to be there or not and if not have a back up plan - have you got someone will fit in the dress etc? Xx

Also I'd prefer to be at a wedding with no kids ? meaning my own lol x

This is what happened at my wedding with my ex best friend she had 3 older ones and a baby in the end I allowed baby to the day time but not night as I have an extremely large family I had my own kids our 2 nieces and 5 nephews but made it clear none on night time as we worked out if I let everyone bring their children we would of had 10 more kids than adults and I just couldn't afford it, turned out we didn't stay friends as she was the worst bridesmaid ever so demanding and didn't nothing but moan and argue with me all day! Then got drunk and sat and slagged me off at my own wedding ? x

Sounds like it's mostly your oh decision not yours, I would put my foot down, say it's causing rifts amongst my friends, tell him after thinking about it you think it's rude to expect people to not bring their little ones, as your say, some people might choose not to bring their kids anyway because they prefer not to be watching them.

Could you find out how many want to bring their kids and do a cold buffet for them to save cost? It would only need to be sandwiches and sausage rolls etc xx

To be fair shell she's being a cow!if she's not talking to you then what a crap maid of honour!yeah I get if you breastfeed only you can do it blah blah blah BUT she said she would express!so if she's committed to you to being your maid of honour then she should stick to what she said! I agree if other people aren't being their kids then why should she when she already said to you she would make sure the baby would take a bottle..I think you need a good maid of honour to be fair 1 that doesn't ignore you and make you stressed!x

TBH I took mine to a wedding and i didn't enjoy myself as was running after the little one alone! And the older one moaned he was bored the whole time. But yeh I agree weddings are family events but like I say not just my wedding my oh doesn't want loads of kids there. He's not been brought up around loads of kids unlike me who loves it x

Oh and she has no problems getting sitters x

Aww I think it be lovely with loads of kids! Kids are a part of life and a part of your friends lives I can't really understand the no kids rule sorry I'm not being horrible I just can't believe someone would say you're invited to my wedding but don't bring your kids lol xx

I know it could which is the last thing I want but her ignoring me again is gonna cost us the friendship again! I'm trying to talk to her so I can see what she wants to do but no answer or reply x

TBH I wouldn't be able to come to your wedding, in 6 years I have had one evening out as have no one to have my children! Babies won't cost you any thing? It's really tricky, but tbh I would love a night out but it's not that easy for every one. Sounds like she will prob bring the baby. Just be honest and say do you think the baby will take a bottle in time. And would u stop her attending if she did bring the baby? This could end a friendship? ?

Because it's Not fair to have one and not the other if you let one bring one then it's only fair to have everyone bring there children and we decided none. My maid of honer said to ages ago you can't choose who can and who can't it's not fair. I need to speak with guy and then wait to see if I hear from her. I obviously can see from both sides of this if anyone is thinking I can't cos like I said if it was just down to me I'd have everyone's kids there but it's not just my wedding xx

I just couldn't expect anyone to leave a baby at home , let alone a new born like your other friends will have at that point but that's just me, maybe she feels awkward to talk to you about it especially if you've already had a conflict To do with the wedding ? Xx

No the venue is 30 mins from where we live. And she's telling me her bf sister is gonna look after him so I think he's like 40 mins from her house. I just wish she would talk to me about it I've tried talking to her on Tuesday about it at her house and she just kept saying I wanna come on your hen and I will try and pump and get a pump but she just kept changing the subject or not fully answering. I said I understand she's feeding and not everyone can express or want to but she kept saying she was gonna try. Rather than the truth which o found out from a friend today x

I think you need to see each other face to face, texts can come across so funny. If bf then I would expect my baby to also be welcome at the wedding or I wouldn't be able to come. She feels awkward saying this to you prob as wants to avoid confrontation so is just not addressing the subject. Give her a call, arrange a lunch. Chat about it without it being a tense topic x

It's tough one. Is your wedding venue far from everyone lives? Maybe whoever is looking after the little one could bring them for couple of feeds. That could be good compromise.

I always wanted kids at my wedding growing up and still would love it but it's not just my wedding it's guys too and he doesn't want loads of kids there. A lot of my friends and guys have 4+ kids so would just end up to much. I completely understand she's feeding him and if it was me I'd be like I'm feeding my baby sorry that's that if you don't want them there sorry I won't come but it's the fact she's trying to make out to me she gonna try and express ect.. I just want her to be honest with me and talk to me about it all so I can speak with guy and see what he says too! I have another friend due before then and his friends wife is due just before too and I don't want people turning up being like oh she can bring hers and we can't. Also I say she's part of the wedding she's basically turning up on the day she's not helped me, been there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on ect... she's just ignored my messages. But I don't wanna fall out with her I don't like arguing. We agreed last time we would talk things through anytime something came up which I'm trying to do but she's not replying x

Tbh if someone Id invited to my wedding let alone was part of the wedding party had a small baby and was breastfeeding I'd fully expect them to bring them, older children that would be expecting to be fed and that i kinda get but tbh i don't understand weddings that don't allow kids as kids make a family and that pretty much what a wedding is about but that's just my personal opinion x

This is a hard one because I'm going through this with my friend too!

My wedding was in January last year we didn't mind kids as we think they made the day we paid for this friends daughter to come even discussed the dress she was wearing etc now come the day she never brought her even though she knew I'd paid for her that pissed me right off but she still wanted to look after my youngest who was 3 months at the time.

Think this post will cause some conflicting views but like I say each to their own I think kids should be welcomed at weddings.

My friend has since stated no children other than her sister and her child will b allowed at the wedding. My children will only be young too if she goes on the date she want so I'd just maybe do her ceremony and wedding breakfast x

It's so hard, she told that friend she would call me over the weekend so we shall see. I do feel bad for saying no as she's feeding him but then in a way I don't cos she's saying I'm her maid of honer I should be aloud as I'm part of the wedding. When my friend said to her yeh but the ushers have kids she was like yeh but there not baby's being fed. ??

I would message her again and tell her that you know she's not coming on your hen do and you know about the stuff she's been saying to your other friend.

I think by what you've said, she sounds like she might just bring him anyways even though you've said no.

I would totally stick to it though and not allow any kids.

I had the same problem at mine, a bridesmaid of mine was furious when I said her son wasn't allowed to come and she ended up backing out and said she didn't wanna be my bridesmaid any more lol. Xx