I’m truly starting to see this now... this week has been awful. Every afternoon has been meltdown city and it’s lasted for hours. I swear I almost broke down myself a little while ago. Luckily, the sink worked again. 😪 I don’t know if him not feeling well has had something to do with it or not, but gosh it’s been rough and just getting worse.

I hope to be able to put into words one day what it’s like to sit and watch him as he rocks back and forth crying and slamming his head against the couch (luckily the wall has only happened twice so far), or how he just walks around crying and falling in the floor as if he’s in pain but nothing makes him happy and he doesn’t even want us to hold him or touch him... On his good days, I am constantly questioning whether he truly has autism or not, but on his bad days, I feel there’s no doubt.

I want to be able to describe what it’s like not knowing for sure and constantly wondering if you’re handling each situation appropriately or not. As we wait for his official diagnosis, we stress and we worry and we continue to help him through therapy with as much patience and understanding as we can while we learn how to help him which turns out is a whole other way of parenting.

Every mother has watched her child suffer at some point and been unable to help them. That is probably the most difficult part of parenting and it’s what we struggle with on every bad day. 😪