I've struggled with my weight since I was little. I've always been a bigger girl but up until age 11-14 I was on the normal side of weight. Between the ages of 11-14 I began blowing up like a balloon. My mom couldn't figure out why and she finally forced doctors to test me for a mass amount of things. They found out I was diabetic. Type 2. I was put on strict low carb diets. Counting calories was all too known to me at a young age. But yet I still continued to gain weight and become a larger round ball. At this time also I had been going through things at home that are too personal to talk about here. And I developed depression. But that wouldn't be treated til later. At 15 I noticed these pains in my sides. Low on my sides. It hurt so badly. I told doctors . But they said "stop gaining weight and the pain will go away. Exercise more." Mind you I exercised until I was physically exhausted... It ended up creating an eating disorder in me.... I'd eat and then regurgitate it. I figured at the time of nothing gets the chance to become fat then I'll definitely lose weight. But that didn't last very long. My friends caught on at school and began following me into bathrooms. And then it became they wouldn't let me go to the bathrooms after things like lunch or breakfast. And they told my mom who watched me at home. Right before I turned 16 I was in the shower trying to use hot water as something to ease this pain in my side. But it got unbearable at this point and I made my way downstairs and collapsed in sheer agony. Soap still in my hair and everything. I went to the e.r and the main people said it was weight putting stress on my organs. That is until I was actually examined. Upon receiving an ultrasound I had masses on each of my ovaries. On my left a tumor the size of a watermelon. On my right the size of a cantaloupe. I have pictures. I had surgery for them to be removed. The tumor was benign but they ended up having to remove my left ovary as the tumor cut the blood circulation off and killed it. The excruciating pain was the tumor trying to rip my ovary and Fallopian tube away from where it was attached in my body. The right ovary was left even though presumed dead. The fallopian could still help with the needed hormones. At 16 though I was told by a specialist that I would NEVER have a child with my DNA. My right ovary was presumed dead as the cyst grew inside of it and stretched it out. This sent me into even more offs depression. The doctors at that point put me on depo -provera. Stating that was the literal best option for me. Naturally with that I gained more weight. And was scolded by doctors to lose weight. But I lost 25 pounds when the masses were removed. I wound up in a mental institute for reasons I will not discuss. But they put me on psych meds for an array of reasons. And that is another medication that you gain weight from. I took these meds and fought with my weight for a long time. Even up til now. Right before getting pregnant I was losing small amounts of weight. I quit all my medications due too losing my insurance.

This by no means is any excuse for my weight though.

My point in this. Of course I know weight gain comes with pregnancy.... And I love my little Melody with my life. But when you struggled with yourself prior. When you were scorned every time the scale raised even by a pound.... That still messes with me now. I'm still scorned now by doctors because I'm gaining weight.... Even though they are doctors who control my medication for my diabetes for my pregnancy. It's hard. :/

Sorry for the long post. Just wanted to get that off my chest...