Why do I always get the blame?
Add me to the list of frustrated mothers. Told mil last week when shegot back from vaction that we could see her next weekend since by then we would have an extra week post Covid for her protection and she would be well past the incubation period of developing illness if she got something while gone. But fil, since he works with dh, doesn't seem to understand that concept( they work outside and not in physical contact with one another so risk is low), and he called dh to say they would be here in about an hour. Dh is doing vehicle maintenance and has no time for a break if I want my car back by morning. And I have house chores I'm catching up with due to our month long Covid episode(we just got off quarantine our quarantine yesterday). Yippee. Girls are having quiet time, baby is watching daddy fix the car. I had plans to take my girls for a nice quiet walk with the baby this evening at sunset. Now they will be hyper just before bed time. Great... If I only gave mil an hours notice without asking permission to show up I'd never hear the end of it. After dh hung up the phone I let him have an earful. When he asked why i didn't say anything I told him the truth, it's bc I always get the blame when I say anything and look like an arse bc even if it's him saying it on his own they blame me. I told him that I am tired of just being the "white girl in the brown family" (as they never let me forget) and having to bite my tongue all the time. I've come to the conclusion that I will continue to self sacrifice for my children even at times when I am hurt by it and this is one of those times. F color, F Inlaws who have no resepct. Sorry for the vulgarity. I've lost my composure and needed to vent so I can regroup and finish these chores, as they will be here any minute. 😭
Heather·
Ugh sweetheart! I am so sorry😭 I am so happy that you're off quarantine though! Maybe the kids won't be as hyper as you think. Praying for you sister🙏
Heather··
@xryztalroze that's a great way to be. Putting aside your strife with them so your kids enjoy themselves 🙏 you'll be blessed for that. I hope you enjoy your chore time, in peace.
XryztalRoze··
Funny thing is when I try to be part of them, they push me away. But when I go to do my own thing I get pulled into the thick of things and feel even more awkward. Inside feeding the baby now while they okay out in the yard. They won't come into the house so it's just complicated... But, thank you for being so kind to reassure me. I'm truly trying to do my best to be by best. Hugs mama!
Heather··
I totally get that. My MIL has been like this with me way too many times! Hugs right back to.you sweetheart❤️
Harley Quinn ·
As a white girl in a brown family, I feel this. Thankfully my husband has enough of an understanding to have my back. When we first moved closer to family my in laws dropped by unannounced all the time.
Regardless, I think with covid being a concern, it is respectful of them to just drop this on you. I’m sorry! Hopefully it’s an outside, short visit
XryztalRoze··
Oh! And yes the visit was outside, but that doesn't stop the girls from being ever so close...
Harley Quinn ··
I totally don’t blame you. My in laws always give the boys a crazy amount of sweets. Every time they visit they bring cookies and candy. So I feel you there!
Hopefully every one feels better and everything!
XryztalRoze··
Thank you!! The night was rough and they were back in the restroom this morning but I think it is safe to say all is well. Hope so anyway bc I have a long day of errands to run with my oldest and the baby while the middle some has to go to school...
So Royal·
Мама сына (2 года), беременна (31 нед.)
I'm frustrated for you. Understand that I'm not trying to trivialize your experiences or feelings because they are very much valid and I am on "your side" concerning this, but it's just the luck of the draw, some people are just awful no matter their backgrounds, and they should all be dealt with the same way. Give them time, give them patience, give them grace, if they can't be respectful, you need to let them go until they can be. Your peace of mind and mental health matters so very much and you children deserve you to be at peace. It's been a rough little while for you and your family. I wish your dh would be on your side and stand up to his parents, of course they will say "you turned him against them" 🙄 but he just has to stand his ground and understand that you aren't asking for much. Unfortunately the buck lies with him, it truly is his responsibility to respectfully put them in check and remind them where the boundaries are. Also, I didn't read the comments 😅 so I apologize if I've offered nothing helpful. I am sorry for your current situation, I hope things get better, and if you need an ear to bend, I'm available (sorry, that always sound so cringey so I usually refrain from using it, but I hope you know I'm genuine in the offer.)
XryztalRoze··
You're great! No offense taken in any way. You are absolutely right and we have put the distance on many times and he has stood up for major things(after many times when he didn't) finally. But yesterday was a "minor" moment of frustration. I agree that some people are just rude. The sad thing is that yesterday was a nice visit and they actually treated me well when I had a "no care" attitude. I felt bad. Normally they just ignore me so I am prayerful the change ive been hoping for all these years is finally coming to fruition, but cautiously so, bc I have thought that before and then a major blow up occurred. Scared, sad, and alone at the moment about the choices I make and how they are beneficial or detrimental to our family. We have so many blessing but don't share them with his parents because it rarely turns out well when we do. Thank you for offering to be a listening ear. Truly appreciate it!!