Would you consider this cheating? What would you do

Update?

Yeeeaaa....your husband is a liar. And so is she. The only reason she "came clean" with half of the truth is so that.. A)they can continue to talk without drama from you. Theyll just hide it better now. Or B)so you wont tell her husband. Or both. They were both being inappropriate. She cant answer her phone in front of her husband because its WRONG for her to be snapchatting other men. And how in the world do they still have old photos to send to eachother? Bullsh*t. They were nudes like the other pp said. Im not trying to be rude but there is no other way to catergorize what your husband is doing besides cheating.

It doesn't sound right. Red flags ⛳️ after Salem shīt like that..I'd live up to your username & give him blue balls

If you have to hide it from your spouse you shouldn't be doing it. If it wasn't doing something wrong he wouldn't hide it. Imo yes he was cheating.

Makes me wonder if her poor husband knows?

I agree with the other replies I'm about 99.9% sure they were nudes or very provocative photos.

Snapchat is not to share old pictures, it's to capture the moment, she probably sent her nudes

Any update op?!?! How are things going now?

I think he was cheating. Like why cry ? Maybe your DH is sensitive like that but i think tears scream...IM GUILTY ?!!!!!!!

I'm sorry I'm with the others. Snapchat allows photos to be shared then are gone without a trace. I personally don't think they were the same ones shared. I also think him calling her is definitely sketchy.

Why did she sent old ass pictures on snapchat? This app is to send (most of the time) pictures to capture the moment, she probably sent her nudes

He's crying over all the "nothing" that happened with her?

Yeeeaaah, he's sketch AF. He called her before calling you? He's crying but nothing happened? I think the reason you're feeling so distant is because you know a huge line was crossed. They're both dead wrong. And I would reach out to get husband to see if he's seen any fed flags, too.

I wouldn't believe it for a second. You only get the lesser offense when they are "confessing". I'm not saying that more happened physically, but I would bet my ass that those pics were inappropriate pics of her and they both agreed on what they should say the pics were when they talked. I'm not saying leave... but I'm saying I wouldn't stop until I felt I had the truth and some type of course to take to remedy whatever situation it ends up being... counseling maybe? Also, Snapchat is shady as hell anyway. It allows pics to be sent, seen once, and then no record? What is honest about that app?

He's not apologetic because he feels bad he told you he knew you wouldn't want him speaking to her so he hid it strike 1 ! He's upset because he got caught he never came to you and told you what was going on and he felt bad about it strike 2 ! & too call her sounds a bit off the first call he should've made to her should've been in front of you and deleting innocent pictures ? As soon as I read it I thought nudes of some sort I'm sorry you're going through this op and hopefully you're being told the truth but only time will tell

I don't think just venting to someone of opposite sex is cheating what so ever. But, there are other little details here that may make it cross the line. My husband and I both vent to coworkers all the time (even about each other) and we don't care if they are male or female. My husband currently is the only male on his shift at work so he has no choice haha. And I would always talk to all my coworkers about random things, males and females. But, neither of us had history or anything with any of them.

Sounds suss ?

It doesn't sound like they were physically cheating but I believe some emotional play has been going on. A line has definitely been crossed. There's no need for them to have been talking on the phone. Why was it so hard for him to look at these pictures? Do feelings still exist? It sure does come across that way. I don't blame you for wanting space at all. I would feel betrayed. If he needed someone to vent to, it should be you. He needs to cut off all communication with her if he wants to save his marriage with you. Continuing this relationship with her will only cause more problems. I hope things get better for you OP. ?

I've found my husband talking to this one particular ex a few times and he would always try to hide it and cover it up. We both got rid of all social media over a year ago and that helped but I also made him block her number. He chose to delete it also, which was fine with me. When he did that I told him to put himself in my position. How would you feel if the tables were turned and I did that to you? I think all communication with her should be cut off.

ETA I find it very shady though that he had to call her. Did they have to make sure they told the same story or something? That's not okay

I'd tell her husband what she's been up to. Not in a crazy way. Just ask if he knew what had been going on type of thing and spill the beans. I'm petty tho. I do believe that its an affair of some sort and I feel like maybe he isn't telling the whole truth. I'd make him explain the story at random times to see if it matches up cause I'm sure it will change. Hugs op

It definitely feels like a line was crossed, and I would be really upset. I think we'd need counseling and I'd need some real honest talks with dh if this happened to me.

Unless they were photos of desserts its pretty much photos of her in not so innocent ways. Does her husband know what the hubb ubb is going on now?

I think it's cheating. He's being shady.

Agree with pp. I mean... why would he delete the photos, just to have her show them to you? And why would it be hard for him not to look if they were innocent?

Maybe not cheating but definitely crossing a line.

Think @momma is spot on. I'm sorry, @blue.

Pretty sure they were provocative photos.

So he deleted "innocent" "friend" pictures yet they can't talk if they're around their spouses? He called her when you found out and had HER call YOU and send you photos (that were probably different ones)?! He was so racked with guilt he was crying, yet nothing happened?? Hmmmm.....I think there's more to this OP. Definitely an emotional thing in my opinion. And why would he say "it was so hard for me not to go look at the photos"? That to me sounds like they were sexy photos

Frack that, this is emotional cheating which is a short l, brisk walk from physical cheating...............??

Op I am so sorry ?

Also he's talking to her while you are at the hospital with ds? Ah hell no?

I wouldn't believe them..

He called her and agreed on telling you the same lie, because she's married and if you were to find something out they would be sure you would tell her husband..

Also why did he cry if he didnt do anything?

Guilty! Guilty!!

Yeah, I wouldn't believe either of them. And, how do you "know for a fact" they never had sex? Were you always with them back when they would hang out? Him calling her after getting caught is super shady.

If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it's probably a duck.

I wouldn't believe it, they probably made a story up in case they get caught. I've been there, don't fall for it.

Sounds shady.. He deleted the photos she sent him and she then sent them to you? She probably sent different pics to you. And sounds like she shouldn't be talking to him either since she wouldn't pick the phone up when he called her and husband was around.. All sounds to shady to me!

I don't believe for one second they were innocent "hanging out" pictures.

He is aware that she can not answer because of her husband. I am sure she is aware he has to do the same around you. I believe they both are lying. He is sorry he hurt you? Then why do it. He got caught and obviously that is the thing to say.

Sorry you're going through this ? it sounds like the start of emotional cheating like the other ladies have mentioned. They need to cut off on contact asap.

@waffles I'm liking your comment 977666755436632 times!!!

Yea, I missed that part too.

I still think it was likely all just talk but maybe trying to hide to what degree.

Somehow I missed the detail that he called and spoke to her after you called him out. That's so shady. How does he explain that move? The first thing he should be doing is talking to you, not her...

Calling her about the situation sets off red flags for me.

I don't think anything else had happened, but with their history I would say the talking/venting was definitely inappropriate and that it was likely bringing old feelings up.

I think your DH's reaction was bc he knows it was crossing a boundary & not safe. But he may not want to admit that.

I don't think people realize how easy it is to end up in a place like that that you didn't really intend on. Many things seem perfectly innocent but just aren't safe places, relationships, conversations, etc for someone married. Confiding in the opposite sex, regardless of history or not, is one of them.

They never had sex I know that for a fact. He said the pictures were deleted. And she sent me the pictures nothing bad that she sent. But why delete them? He said because he knew I wouldn't like him talking to her then why the FACK talk to her?!? I'm so hurt i dont know what to do

What phone company are you with?

Print out the logs.

I'd stand behind him on the computer and tell him to show me "those pictures". If it was nothing then that shouldn't be a problem.

If they were a thing before, did they have sex when they used to date?

Sounds to me like he had an "oh shat " moment, hurried and called her so they could get their stories straight. I wouldn't believe a damn word EITHER of them say!!

The definition of cheating varies so much from person to person, but it definitely qualifies as betrayal. This hurt you, and I think he knew that if you found out that it would hurt you. The fact that you were hurt is enough. A spouse should never participate in anything that he or she thinks would hurt their spouse.

If she has to hide it from her husband, and he to you, then yes. I would call it cheating.

I would ask to see the pictures, then go from there. But I'd be pretty hurt by that. He doesn't need to tell other women about your marriage. I think it's wrong. Plus they were both hiding their relationship from their spouses. Big red light for me.

If he's being honest, it sounds like you caught him right in time. It definitely sounds like he beginning of an emotional affair. Which to me is still serious and I would have major trust issues. I recommend counseling, if he went to someone else for comfort other than you then something probably isn't right. I'm sorry your going through this. I would be beside myself.

I agree with all the above, the start of an emotional affair.. as why couldn't she answer her phone with her husband there if they are 'just good friends'. You have every right to feel hurt and betrayed, you both need to sit down for an open chat, try stay calm and get to the bottom of why he was going to her for emotional support and not you.

Thinking of you and sending you massive hugs. Your relationship could come out stronger than ever if you handle this right, no need to end things. Unless things are worse than he's saying, but just start with the knowledge you do have. X

Totally agree with @runs on this one. If u hadn't seen it what would or could have happened next?!?! Seems like the start of an emotional affair. He was caught in the act and made sure he called her to get their stories straight. I wouldn't run to separate or divorce but I would definitely seek some counseling about this!! He should not be venting to another women about anything!!! And I'm sure they were both venting about marriage and what not. I would be very hurt if I were in your situation. And it would take a lot for me to trust him again. Sorry your going through this. Luckily it was caught (hopefully) before any physical activity went on

He overstepped. You're not wrong to be upset. You have every right to take some space and process your feelings over this. It's important that you talk through it eventually but if you need time, take it.

That situation had the potential to go very wrong. The fact that they were both hiding it from their spouses suggests that they knew something was inappropriate. Your husband needs to cut contact with this woman and earn your trust back.

I tend to think that when someone does something like this, they only ever tell you half the truth. What the other half is, who knows? However, from what he has done so far, I agree with pp, and believe it's emotional cheating.

Personally, I wouldn't break up a marriage, especially with children in it, over emotional cheating. I would however, have a physical break and seek professional help. This is be hard to get passed and forgive, so it needs an intervention.. Good luck and I'm so sorry he put you and your family through this.

If he called her and they talked, they probably agreed on what to say. And that is the reason you believe them. ? don't fall for it. ?

Definitely because they have a history together I would be immensely hurt and it would make me sick to my stomach.

Maybe go to counseling because no matter if you believe him or not your trust is going to be gone for awhile, as anyone's would be.

I agree with runs. Even if he wasn't cheating, that was a situation that wasn't going anywhere good and he needs to cut contact.

I would call that (at the least) the start of an emotional affair.

Going outside the marriage to vent to the opposite sex is dangerous. Even if he didn't intend for it to be so I would say lines were definitely overstepped, especially given the previously established history.

You're right to have your feelings about it.

I'm so sorry ? I'm not sure what I'd do, but I would start by making him cut communication with her.

Sorry it's all over the place. I haven't slept in two nights and just got home from the hospital with ds