Next child Speaking to my partner tonight about having our next child i ideally don't want another for a few years yet…

It's helped before so think it may help again thanks ladies xx

I don't think he actually understands the whole c section I will be stranding my whole ground. Me and him do need to sit down and talk about this. I do love him a lot he's not normally this selfish I just don't think he understands it if I'm honest. Xx

I'm sorry but what a selfish dick! He shouldn't care about how your private parts are after and love you for the way you are! Clearly your downstairs is more important than a baby so if I was you I wouldn't be wanting another child with someone like that!

Oh my goodness! Are you sure you want another child with this shallow man? I can't believe he would want you to go through major surgery just because he doesn't want your vagina being ruined for his own personal pleasure?! I had an emergency c section with my son, and it was not an easy, or pleasant ride. First of all, I felt like my body had failed me through not being able to give birth naturally (although I know yours would she elective if you did agree to have one) the whole procedure was very distressing. I was wide awake (I had an epidural) and spent the whole time with my head in a sick bowl because the sound of them sucking my blood away with the suction machine was disgusting, and the feeling of them moving my insides around was horrific. It was like somebody was washing up in my stomach. I was very unfortunate with my healing too. 7 days pp my scar burst open in the middle of the night. I had to go back to the hospital where at first they told me I'd have to stay as my temperature was so high. They told me my stomach would only ooze for a matter of hours. In the end I had to go the doctors surgery twice everyday to have it packed and dressed. I had 9 courses of antibiotics in that time and none would clear the infection. I spent that whole time stinking of pooey nappies from the infection and the whole in the end was 10cm deep. In the end it turned out I had MRSA. I was back and forth from the hospital where they refused to do anything for me and in the end I snapped at one of the registrars because my quality of life in that time was next to none, I couldn't do anything for myself, I was ill the whole time and couldn't enjoy those precious first few weeks with my son. I told him that if they refused to reopen it at that time and decided a month or so later that they would need to I would sue them for negligence. After that I was told to go back 2 days later to see a consultant. He dug around in the hole and told me he would speak to my own consultant and sent me on my way. The next morning I got a call from my consultant, who hadn't even seen the state of my scar and called me in immediately for surgery on it. Within the hour of getting that phone call I was back at hospital in a gown being prepped for theatre and when she saw the state of it she actually gasped. I had to stay in hospital a week after the operation and wasn't allowed to even lift my son off the floor for 12 weeks after that, so all in all I was out of action for 22 weeks. That's almost 6 months of my sons life. While that was a really really rare case and I'm told that doesn't happen very often, it is a possibility that it could happen to anyone. I would urge you to tell him this story because all that having happened very nearly ended my relationship. My partner had to take so much time off of work to help me that he was threatened with his job. I was just as dependent on him as my son was. That's a strain for any relationship. X

Hey cn i just say tht babies are all different and so are the labours. I hv 4 kids my first was bar far the most horrific 36 hrs vontoose twice forceps then I was cut from hole to hole my baby was 9lb8. It was awful it put me off hving another until 5 years later. My second was amazing labour 6 hours I pushed for hour and yes I still needed a cut but not as big but so mug easier. Third water birth and still split but again lovely labour. My forth 12 hrs and panicked I wanted a water birth but couldn't as I was so scared about splitting or needing cut. Tell ur midwife when ur in labour I'm sure with my forth she helped me to not b applying a warm compress and pushing it against me it was lovely hun just tel him to stop being silly and listen to us we know best lol x

I do plan on doing what I want. I will be standing my ground on this. Hopefully he will see my way or else no more children xx

God that's horrible! I'm glad my partner thinks the child is more important that the state of my vaj:( hun you do what you want, !!!! C section is defo not the easy way out :/ you will be the one suffering after hope all is resolved for you

Is he serious ? He would rather your stomach was cut wide open in major surgery than have a tear down below ? Does he realise what he is saying to you ?

I'm actually speechless .... I 100 percent know my husband would never say anything like that , I don't think I could carry on with our relationship if he did x

He won't have a serious conversation about it because it has to be his way on certain things or no way. I just don't want just one child I want at least another. He's told me in the past that he doesn't want another child I said to him then that I didn't wanna be with someone who didn't want the same things out of life as me but after a while he changed his mind... Maybe he will change his mind again who knows. Xx

He'd rather you have major abdominal surgery than risk tearing your bits and them slightly alter?

He needs to give his head a wobble. I definitely wouldn't be having more children with someone like that.

What?! lol.. how at all is it even his choice to decide how u give birth. Tell him so swivvel on ur middle finger n you'l do whats right for u :) xx

If my SO told me to get a c section in my next pregnancy just because it would take my body less time to heal than a 3rd degree tear in a vaginal birth I'd show him where the door was.

I apologise if I came across as harsh just now, I was just shocked to read it! I can understand your last birth was traumatic for him to witness and that's putting him off but he should word it a lot better and he should understand that a csection isn't the only alternative to overcome this and if you were to fall pregnant again the midwives would be mindful of your previous tear and can help avoid it happening again x

Just tell him u won't do the deed with him unless he pays to take u on holiday!? Same thing isn't it blackmail!?!?

It's ridiculous! U deserve better than to have a baby with someone who would rather see u go through major surgery incase labour changes your bits! He may change his mind when he realises he's being ridiculous x

I would kick off tbh! It's your body, he is being very disrespectful hun! Out if order!

Just because you tore badly first time doesn't mean you will again. I have a 3rd degree tear with my daughter but with my son I had the smallest 4mm tear that didn't need stitches. You body reacts differently second time round and surely the doctors won't do a c section unless there is a medical reason to anyway. Tell him if you had a c section you'd be out of action for a hell of a lot longer then if you have a natural birth and it would make caring for you son more difficult. My husband hated my first birth and I don't blame him it was very stressful but even he'd say my second was amazing, especially as we were able to have a water birth xx

Men!! I'm 22 weeks and my other half hasn't said it in so many words but I know he would prefer me not to have another vaginal birth for the same reasons. He wouldn't dare ask me not to tho! I did tear a lot last time and needed a blood transfusion, he says when we have sex it doesn't feel any different that it did before but it doesn't look quite the same. It bothers me a bit that he thinks that but he wanted kids more than I did so he will have to bloody well deal with it! It's easier to have surgery down there than on your stomach. One of our best friends has had two sections and her stomach muscles have separated, physio hasn't helped so looks like she has to have surgery on it. She's been told that the sections highly contributed to this happening. She also got infections in her wound both times, so took ages to heal! Tell him some horror stories, he might change his mind! I would just go a long with what he says for now then tell him they said you can't! X

I know he's your other half but how selfish is he?! Doesn't want your vajayjay 'ruined' ? A c section is major surgery..... A lot harder to recover from especially with having another child to look after..... Will he be taking 4-6 weeks off work to help look after you while you heal? He can't dictate your birth! I apologise but what a ridiculous thing for him to suggest.

Suppose I could do that then he can get his own way for the time being I never thought of that thanks ladies. I just don't think some men actually understand. I know a 3rd degree tear is bad but I'm fine and the doctor said when I got a check up that I could still tear but I can have a natural birth if I want one. I bet there's plenty of woman out there that had another child are having 3rd degree tears or even worse xx

Is he willing to pay for private because I think that's the only way you'll get one, even though you don't want one x

Ok so say you agree to a c-section and he gets you pregnant and then your midwife refuses you one and you have to give birth naturally....would what he do?

What a stupid thing to say! You probably wouldn't want sex any quicker then a vaginal birth you'll still be healing. He's really that bothered about your beeber changing after another..men! And as pp said what's he gonna do when/if you get pregnant and you still refuse or get refused a cs x

What a dick!!seriously that's such a stupid thing to say!tell him to stick a c section up his arse!x

That's the condition I have to agree to have another baby or else were not having another one :( xx

How ridiculous of him, he can't force you to have a c-section and I'm sure a midwife wouldn't agree to you having one just because your partner wants you to have one because he doesn't want your vagina to get ruined, or so he doesn't have to wait as long for sex!! Anyway even if you get pregnant and then don't have a c-section what can he do?

You can't just have a c section because your oh would prefer it the doctors wouldn't let you. Tell him that. He's also being pretty selfish a c section is surgery it's not an easy ride. He's actually being quite ridiculous! Xx

Apparently he doesn't my downstairs to get ruined considering it didn't change anything down there after having Oliver be just had to wait longer for me to heal. I mean if I had to have one I would but I don't want one for the sake of it xx

It's really unfair considering he doesn't have to go through it !! What's the big deal having a section anyhow whys he all for it ? X