My brother and I got the belt, pinched, smacked or sent to the bathroom when we acted up. We had a bathroom with no window, so depending on how bad the offense was, it would be lights off (pitch black) in there for a certain amount of time. We knew not to cross the line with our parents. Most of the time I was disciplined was for fighting with my brother. I grew up just fine, I hold no resentment towards my parents. I actually thank them for teaching me to respect my elders and to not disrespect other people.

My sister on the other hand, (youngest) never really got any discipline. Since she was "the baby" they let a lot slide. She's now 16 and cusses at my mom, tells her she hates her and has even hit her. I 100% believe she is that way because she never got the discipline my brother and I got when we were younger.

So with my son, I think I will do the same. If he's anything like me, he will know when to stop. A warning or a timeout to a boring place will be what I use most but I'm not against a smack on the butt. Not hard and no belt though.

When I was younger 5-12 I was raised by my aunt she would spank me at times but when I came to the US to live with my mom ages 13- 18 I was verbally and physically abused by her she had a temper of a lion everything I did was wrong she would beat me up then verbally abuse me, my childhood was so terrify I started cutting myself and wishing to die. And I wasn't allowed to have friends because friends are no good so she claimed. My school took me away because she gave me a black eye and busted lips , why why why just because she never trusted me . My dad was never in the picture and I met him when I was 24. So to say it all I never had a childhood or enjoy my teenage years. School prom ,trips, festivals I was never allowed to go. I would stay home and look at the walls once I finished my homework, anyway if I kept writing it would take days to finish my story.

Now that I have my kids I do not say thing to offend them or to make them feel bad, I just explained to them the consequences. I take gadgets toys, and make them go to bed which they hate doing but sometimes I do lose myself and yelled at them ( dealing with 4 boys) . On the other hand my DH was raised with the belt and think that's a good thing which sometimes he spank them and I don't appreciate.

All it took my mum was 'the voice' and me and my brother were running up the hall to our rooms. We would get smacked if we showed disrespect, towards anyone. Especially her, she would not tolerate that at all. It's so hard to disipline my 2.5 yo, she is as stubborn as a mule and so free spirited plus she is the cheekiest little gremlin I've ever known of! She just giggles at you when you tell her off (it drives me insain!!!) the only thing we have found that is remotely effective is being sent to her room. And I will smack if she is being really naughty and cheeky, to let her know I'm serious and to listen up! I swear she's 2 going on 15 ?

Wow @saramama I can't imagine how horrible that whole situation must have been for you. I hope your mother and her boyfriend are behind bars. That's , there aren't words. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. God bless you for surviving that hell. And to all the other abused mommas y'all are strong women to have survived such horrors and to not let it consume you. It breaks my heart to pieces thinking of a little kid being abused or molested with no one to reach out to.

Sh** now I'm crying.

I hope all those abusers get 20 fold what they inflicted.

As a little kid I got "time outs" then as a teen I got "grounded". But I was pretty hard headed and had an issue (prob still do) where the more my parents pushed something the more I pushed back. I was a quite uncontrollable 16 yr old. My mom pushed too hard and then couldn't handle me so she dumped me at my dads and wanted nothing to do with me (we just reconciled our relationship) my dad on the other hand was very lax. He'd "ground" me, for "two weeks! ☝️" then two days later he'd realize it was too much work to have a grounded kid (driving to and from school ect) and he'd release my chains hah. I surprisingly got into less trouble with my dad because of his lax stance but I won't be doing either of their methods with my kids besides the time out thing.

My hubby was raised with the "scared straight" tactic. He didn't even try anything because he said he was more afraid of his dad than the law lol. (His dad is a sweet heart I'm curious just how this came about)

I think we'll just wing it starting with the time outs. I can already tell this slugger (my 2 yr old) is as hard headed as me lol uh oh?

My parents never laid a hand on us to discipline (my dad did when he was drunk, but that's another story).

We were more raised on a reward system than disciplined. We were given a task and when we completed it we were rewarded it. An extra show at night, a snack (frozen vegetables usually lol), sometimes a dollar store toy, more time outside with friends to play. When we went places we were told the rules before going in and what would happen if we did and didn't comply. My mom stills says she never had issues with us throwing fits in public. If we wanted something we couldn't have we understood what "we can't afford it" or "not today" meant. So we would hug it and put it back.

I've watched friends and an ex boyfriend who disciplined with things like time outs, push ups, removal of electronics. And it didn't change their children's behavior at all. The length and frequency of tantrums and disrespect didn't improve at all.

I wasn't disciplined. The right word for me was punished and shamed.

My mom was just plain abusive to me. She would punch me and kick me. And one time she broke a broom over my back when I was 4 because I was kneeling when I was scrubbing the toilet when I was supposed to be standing.

She grabbed me by my hair and beat me senseless one time because the broom I set against the wall had fallen.

See broke my nose when I was in the first grade because I said my shorts were too short. I still had to go to school that day wearing my white sailor moon shirt with blood stains.

When we would go to social events I wasn't allowed to play. I had to sit underneath the table until we went home.

When my mom didn't feel like dealing with me she made her boyfriend "deal" with me. He would molest me. She would tell him, "You deal with her." And he would take me in their bedroom and close the door...

I was beaten and abused from ages 1-15.

I think it all started because I was misbehaving one day and my mom probably spanked me. And the madder she got the harder she hit and it eventually led to abuse.

I don't want to spank my kids at all. There are ways to discipline that don't involve fear as a form of respect or involve raising a hand. I don't want my kids to be afraid of me. I know I'm not my mom and I will do anything to protect my kids but I can't help but let my childhood and upbringing will be a big influence on how I choose to raise my babies.

Sorry so long.

@leahshannon- we would get along. I find myself reading some of your opinions and thinking "YES! That's exactly what I think." Haha. I'll have to read some of those books.

We were not disciplined growing up. I had an alcoholic mother and a clueless father. I remember getting spanked once and I was mortified after. I also think I got grounded once but nobody followed through with it. After my parents divorced, we lived with my dad. He has been trying different discipline tactics with my siblings, taking phone/internet away, grounding etc, but I was never disciplined because I moved out before he started experimenting with discipline. I never drank or partied in high school. No sex and no drugs. I had to help raise my siblings.

When it comes to my children, I will not spank them. There are so many more ways to discipline without making a child fear you. We plan on using a reward system to praise good behavior and when our children act up, they will get grounded and lose privileges. They will learn that there is a consequence for their actions and I don't want our children to fear us while learning that. I work in childcare and have noticed that the children who are spanked are the ones who act up in my class. They know I won't spank them and that is the ultimate form of punishment for them. They don't care if they lose a privilege because it could be worse. Kids are smart. My husband was spanked occasionally and he said that it didn't scar him it make him afraid. I guess it just depends on the child but it definitely scarred me.

I was spanked and if I cussed my mouth was washed out with soap and I was put in a corner. I was brought up to be respectful of my elders not like kids and teens these days.

Im a FTM I wont spank until about 5 and they know right from wrong but still do wrong and if he throws himself on the floor and starts screaming at home then Ill sit next to him and do the same. Honestly my discipline will vary depending on age and what hes done to be disciplined.

I'm Mexican and I would have to say my parents did a pretty damn good job of raising my siblings and I lol. We were never hit but we did get a good yelling (and threatened to get hit) and that was it. We knew not to talk back when getting yelled because that could lead to getting hit plus it meant that when our parents were done yelling that was the end of it. If we did something bad we got yelled at and then our parents would be mad at us and gave us the silent treatment (when we were teenagers) for maybe a day and everything was back to normal. I think I'll probably do the same with my kids, give them stern lectures when necessary. I don't think it's necessary to hit kids. SO was raised similar but he did actually get hit so he said he is more open to hitting but only on the hands. I guess we'll see what works and what doesn't since we are both going to be first time parents!

@LBC - My mom would throw chanclas from across the room all crazy LOL. It's not the best to spank but it works for some. I don't judge I was just curious as to what everyones thoughts were!! Saw this on Raves and Rants and the girl who posted the post was being attacked for her thoughts on discipline and I was thinking whoa it's a touchy subject.

Rare spankings, standing in the corner, getting grounded... Having the car keys revoked...lol

With my monkey, its 3 step discpline... She gets three warnings or its time out (true blue army brat, since the age of three and a half, she would stand at parade rest for time out...haha, we so did not impliment that!!) ... After time out, we discuss the behavior, and how certain actions bring on consequences... If done again, there will be more consequences... Such as loss of tv priviledges, loss of nabi priviledges, loss of playground priviledges.... And sometimes she reaches that loss of priviledges. But more often than not, timeout is enough.

But when it is outright snarky disrespect, rude snippy comebacks (dang you disney tween tv shows! And nick!), she will get an occasional smack on the bum. The ironic thing is that the bum smack is never the kind that will leave a mark, or even turn the skin pink... Its more of a firm pat, but the act alone seems to remind her... That she is the child... And she tells me that a spank is the most embaressing thing bc she knows what she did was wrong... And sometimes she feels like an out of control baby who cant quit a tantrum... And the spank validates that? I hate spanking though. So when the behavior gets to that turning point, I usually tell her that if she doesnt knock it off, she will get a spank....

I hate having to instill discipline bc i suck at it. It takes alot to follow through with some of the things, like loss of priviledges!! That kid knows how to make me feel bad! With her big puppy eyes, and then staring out the window, at the playground...sighing...with her cat perched next to her, who is also staring out the window.... Ah!

* but lately, she see's the difference in parenting styles... And most times, she THANKS ME for sending her to time out, and even spanking when it does happen, because so&so throws the worst tantrums at school, and doesnt know when to stop, or so&so at the playground said this&that to his/her mom, and said mom didnt even point out that such behavior was not very nice! So thats probably why such & such is such a bully!

And in a funny turn of events, we were out shopping, and she was sitting in the big part of the cart bc she was tired lol, and this elderly lady came careening around the corner, and hit us with her cart... Jolting my kid, and nearly slamming my cart into my belly... Rather than worry about her own safety, my kid totally snapped... "oh my gosh lady, you should not go so fast around corners!! You could hurt someone! Didnt you have a mother to teach you manners?!?! See that lady (pointed at me), thats MY mother and she is pregnant. She had to wait 12 years to have a baby, and now that she is finally pregnant we dont want anything happening.to her or my brother! Next time you go shopping, think about others!!!" And I was like "whoa Dall, that was a bit much...calm down", after which I apologized to the older lady, whose husband was laughing at her... And my kid flipped her lid again... I rushed her off, and tried to calm her down...lmao... The whole way home she talked about how terrible it is that some ppl never learn right fron wrong, manners, etc...

My daughter is 4 turning 5.. Sometimes she gets time outs in the corner or her room or a spank on the butt. When I was younger my mom hit me with hair brush.. Clearly I won't be doing that to my daughter but I did turn out pretty well. My brother got the belt and now he's an idiot lol he lets his kids walk all over him and they have no respect for anyone. Guess it's a matter of opinion. I don't see giving a tap on the butt as a bad thing. When you start fully beating the crap out of your kid then that's an issue.

I learned from my sister's mistakes! But my mom wasn't scared to spank up when we needed it! I even got slapped once! I turned out perfectly fine and have nothing but respect for my elders! My mom finds it hilarious that I refuse to curse in front of her. Im a FTM amd my kids will know what a corner/timeout is and if they need it I will spank them on the butt!

First I want to say lol! You translated chancla hahaha I was laughing the other day when people were like what are chonies?! I'm white but grew up with Mexicans and married one so I forget that ppl don't know what these things are. Anyways my husband was spanked with anything and everything as well. I got the belt once in my life it was more go to your room and stay there. There was spanking as well. With my kids I spank but I try to use time out more then spanking or taking away toys. Spanking isn't the best way to do things which I have grown to realize.

@mamabever - I'm glad you were taken out of that situation. No one deserves to get beat like that.

My home was abusive as well maybe not as bad as yours but my dad was a drunk and would beat my mom up and then he'd hit us for no reason sometimes and even my mom turned bitter and would take her anger on us but as they aged they apologized to us for being so rough. They calmed down after me and aren't so tough to my brothers. They probably learned that no matter how much they hit my sister and I we still didn't listen and not because we were rebels but because we just needed to be sat down and talked to.

@momma - Definitely agree with everything you said :)

Every child is different! I would have loved if my parents would have communicated and listened better because I had lots to say but they would always get so angry when I tried telling them how I felt and they thought I was rebelling!!

My biological parents were very abusive were constantly hitting us and screaming at us. My mother used to literally punch me in the face and make my mouth bleed (from ages 6-10). My father hit my brother (8 at the time) in the head with the handle of a hammer and they spoiled my sister the middle child.

When we were finally taken away and adopted our parents had a completely different disciplinary style. If we did something wrong privileges were taken away for example if we were failing classes we werent allowed to go put with friends. If we fought as siblings do we were givenore chores. Not once did my parents lay their hands on us. Sure they rose their voices but they never ever screamed at us or made us feel small, insignificant, or like we were just inconveniences in their lives.

This is how I'm raising my children. Hayden has a habit of pulling all her toys out of the bin not playing with them and not picking them up. So if we ask her to pick up her toys we give her three chances then she goes to time out (one minute for each year were at 2.5 minutes) when she comes out of time out she's usually pretty good about picking up her toys. But of she's being especially stubborn and decides not to pick them up still we pick them up and she goes to bed early. We also sit down with her at her level and explain to her why she needs to do what we've asked or why she shouldn't do whatever she's in trouble for. Example she likes to climb onto the counter with nobody on the room or to try to jump off the counter onto pur arms. Obviously this is dangerous and trust me we've tried everything to keep her off that counter bit she's a Houdini. So first we ask her to sit them we explain it's bad and finally she apologizes and goes to timeout for the 2 minutes. Every tome she comes out of her time out spot we make sure to jig her extra tight and tell her we love her.Unfortunately I can't really use chores as a disciplinary action at this point as Hayden loves to help clean she loves to sweep wipe down the counters clean the bathrooms etc. Seems a bit ironic to me as she loves housework but hates cleaning up her own toys... To each their own

This is something I'm pretty adamant about. Growing up, the only time I was ever spoken to was just to be disciplined so I have a put lots of time into how I'm going to be different as a parent. I never want my children to grow up and remember me being angry so I want to be very careful in my own words and actions.

Words hurt so much more than a belt a times and are just as dangerous...if not more. People need to understand how to take anger out of discipline. Discipline isn't to make you feel better or to release your anger, it is to teach a lesson so I think arguing over spanking vs no spanking is unnecessary. Argue over the anger issue if anything.

I also think the personality of the child plays a role. I don't know the personality of my child yet. I don't know if she'll be the child that just needs "the look" or if she'll need a little more of my time to stop and explain to her why that's wrong and what the repercussions are from her actions.

I'm not a big fan of parents constantly telling their child no or stop it. Maybe try having a flippin conversation every once in a while! That word no doesn't work because they're immune to it! They're humans, just like us and just like us no matter what they're doing or saying there's a reason why. Find out the why and address that. And back to the repercussions, they need to understand that even we as adults have consequences. If I miss the due date on my cell phone bill I'll have late charges and if I keep waiting I'll lose my phone service! So just like us, children are responsible for their own choices. You choose to defy me and do something you know you're not supposed to do then you have give up something. If it's really bad I'd consider waiting for her dad to come home and giving her a spanking. Like I said, it really all just depends on her personality.

Lastly, I think all discipline should never be without love and should always be followed by love. If that spanking was to ever happen I know her daddy would probably hold her and cry with her when he was done! She will know the reasons why we do what we do as parents and that no matter what she does she could never lose our love for her.

These are just my opinions and this is what I want for my household. Everyone is entitled to their own! I won't judge you...unless you beat your kids...then shame on you!

Sorry for the novel.

My parents were pretty set on their discipline! If we misbehaved really bad then we'd get spanked. I agree though some parents let their kids/teens treat them really bad for example my old neighbors never hit their kids but as the kids got older they would cuss at them, throw things, and hit their parents. It's sad :/

I was spanked, shamed, abused until about five. When my abuser was out of the picture my mom did an awful job haha. Lots of sending me to my room and grounding me.

I recommend the book Kids Are Worth It by Barbara Colloroso. So many other ways to guide your kids than spanking them. We don't spank, do sticker charts or have reward systems other than appreciation and praise and we have pretty great kids!! I want my kids to behave like good people because they ARE good people not because they're scared of being spanked or because they'll get a sticker.

The Whole Brained Child is also a good read. I've had to do a lot of research and reading on behavior and various techniques because of my son with autism, it translates just fine to typical kids as well.

When I was younger we were disciplined. Im 21 now but even being young still things are definitely different than it was when I was younger. If we ever acted the way some of these middle school kids act my mom would probably have killed us! Haha. We got grounded, I never got spanked but my sister did (shes older than me) as a result, we are very respectful people. It amazes me how bad some kids are now and how very rude to elders and people in general.

My fiance is a few years older than me and he was raised the same way I was.

We have a one year old son so of course he'll act up and things but right now he doesnt truly understand. If hes throwing things and saying no doesnt work we'll either tap his hand and move him away from whatever he threw, if he continues we put him in his pack and play for a few minutes with nothing in it.

When hes really lashing out and hitting us I take him and sit him down on me and hold him facing away from me and refuse to let him down for about two minutes. He'll scream and cry but the whole time I am talking to him telling him we love him and that its not nice to hit or throw things at others. He calms down a lot after that.

As he gets older and understands right and wrong he'll get a normal time out and things like that. I dont think I'll spank him, mostly because I never was even though I was raised around knowing if I did something I knew I should not do it could be a consequence. Some parents today just dont seem to care or just say kids will be kids. With all the negative influences going on these days its important to teach and guide your kids right and wrong and how to be respectful and responsible for themselves and others around them. I may have hated my parents sometimes because they seemed strict or unreasonable but looking back they were great parents and if they let us do whatever we wanted when we wanted we probably would be horrible people.

Our kids will know that we as parents aren't acting out as anger towards them and we always explain to him why he is having alone time. Communication is a big factor so we always make sure to tell him we do everything out of love and when hes older he'll understand we arent mean parents and that he got disciplined because we love him and want him to better himself in the future.