Parents of school agers, please help me!!!

My guess is that it was not reported to the school, and possibly came up in convo with the big sister maybe even the parents. Maybe the kids parents said they would contact you but the girl took it to her self to just do it.

Before you know the full details don’t panic.

Why didn’t you ask to speak to the parents after that was said ?

First of all, just try to relax. This is coming from a child, not the parents. As we all know children can exaggerate, misinterpret, etc. The sibling could’ve seen your son grab her sister by the waist and in her 10-12 year old brain thought it was too close to the privates even though it was really just the waist area. At that age she’s probably had the beginnings of “the talk” at home or at school. Maybe she’s overly sensitive to that stuff at this time. It could be that her peers at recess are getting touchy-feely and the teachers have told them that it’s inappropriate... and she’s taking that and applying it to this more innocent situation.

I wouldn’t rush in to speak to the principal just yet. Talk to the teacher first. Ask her if she has any concerns with his peer interactions or ability to respect personal space. Explain the conversation and ask her to keep an extra eye on your son at recess, or if she doesn’t have duty then ask her to relay your request to someone who does. Is the IEP for academics, behavior, or both? Having this conversation with the sped teacher will be helpful too, especially if he has behavior minutes.

I was totally caught off guard, and not sure the age of the sister until I asked my son who she was. I know I should have asked more questions. I am calling the principal in the morning.

His IEP is social, for anger and emotional delays after a nasty divorce. No one has ever brought up him putting hands on anyone. His teacher did tell me about K at the conference. She didn’t elaborate on what the “hard time” K was having but told me that she didn’t have many friends in class so my son had been talking to her when she seemed sad, and said she was proud of him for recognizing she needed a friend.

Definitely let the sped teacher know too then. If they are working on social skills then this would be something that could be touched upon during those times. Again, I honestly don’t think this is principal-worthy unless the response you get from the teachers isn’t satisfactory.

For one I don't think the older sister should be saying anything to you, if this is really going on, I assume an adult would have contacted you. I don't think you need to answer to this older sister. Secondly if your son was doing what she says I doubt a six year old is thinking of it in an inappropriate manner. Yes it should be addressed and talked about again but six year old are learning and developing and need to be told again and again of certain things, I know mine does. Don't stress to much, not that this is the case but working in a daycare I see alot of kids the sisters age saying things to be "cool". Not that this girl can't genuinely be concerned but I think the way she did it was definitely not ok. Hope you get it figured out.

Thank you for thinking this is not as big of a deal as I am worried it could be. I sent an email to his main teacher, specialist, and principal just to make note of this. If this really happened, why is there not an adult involved?! Parent, teacher, playground supervisor...? I know I’m totally thinking too much but it’s scary raising a boy. I don’t want to raise an abuser, but I also don’t want him to be accused of something he didn’t do.

Believe me I know your worry, my son is the same age and I tell him about what is ok and not, on the daily just to have it instilled in him. I don't think its ok for him to be made to feel like his innocent playing is wrong. Yes children need boundaries in everything, but again they don't know its wrong, until someone makes it that way.

He’s never done anything like this, so I’m just so upset. I’m super stressed out in general and this is just eating me up.

I think you’re right to make an appointment with the principal. Totally inappropriate for the sister to have been confronting an adult over FaceTime about a matter as serious as this (I understand she probably doesn’t know the severity) I’m just wondering where these parents are.

Also, I firmly believe children shouldn’t be “FaceTiming” or messaging classmates at 6 years old. That’s a big fat NOPE from me.

Have you asked him about this?

Stand by your son, he's not a guilty party here. The sister is overly concerned because he grabbed her by her waist which in her mind, is too close to her privates. She could think that's too close for so many of her own reasons and be her sisters protector because of circumstances we know nothing about.

I hope the school gives you the all clear in his boundaries.

I worry a bit that now you might have made the adults be hyper aware of your son and he may be playing innocently and get corrected when he does things that they don't blink at when other boys do. But I know you are always involved with your children so just keep an eye out that they don't make him feel like he's behaving inappropriately if he isn't.

This whole situation is super weird! He’s never gotten any call before, which I thought was strange right when I got the call. Each class has a phone/email list, but I was under impression it was for communicating about play dates and birthdays.

While I don’t want to draw extra attention to his behavior, I also don’t want to brush it off and these girls start telling people my son is touching K inappropriately. I want it addressed and on record that WE went to the school for a mediator in this. If he was 12 or 17, this would be a HUGE deal.

My initial thought while reading this was the same as EK. It sounds like big sister saw him grab K around the waist and took it upon herself to tell you it was inappropriate.

I'm sure if there was a concern over him being inappropriate the school would have contacted you by now. Talk to his teacher and see what she has to say and maybe even talk to this girl's parents and say you are concerned, and want to make sure any interaction is completely safe and appropriate.

After talking to my parents, my mom remembered how the teacher had commended him for being a good friend to K a few months ago when she was sad. I don’t know what the situation was, other than “tough time.” My mom pointed out maybe they had some kind of abuse at home and the sister is being hyper vigilant about protecting K.

But still, if this was reversed and it was my daughter, I’d be contacting the school directly. Why are her parents or guardians not involved? The oldest this sister could be is 5th grade.

Unless if there isn't much involvement with the girls parents, so she feels she needs to intervene.

I don't think this is going to end up being a huge deal - my former stepson did somewhat inappropriate things which were not reported to his parents at that age (he told me later). Overenthusiastic hugging is pretty much his middle name. He also is a hair stroker and a hand holder.

But I think it's always best to keep the communication open so that it never crosses any lines :)

His main teacher emailed me back and has not seen ANY inappropriate behavior from him. The principal will be calling me today to follow up. Huge relief.

I understand your concern with raising a boy, but I also wouldn't automatically jump to assuming my son had done something wrong when the information is coming from a 5th grader. Like a pp said I wouldn't want my son to be singled out when he had done nothing wrong because parties jumped to assumptions. I think it's great you're hyper vigilante, but I'd avoid assumptions especially if he's never been abused or exposed to sexual encounters. They're so innocent at that age.

I would personally not let my 6 year old FaceTime classmates, especially if you're extremely concerned about him doing something wrong or someone misinterpreting his behavior. If the 6 year old and her 5th grade sister (so 10 or 11) called your son and FaceTimed him they clearly are not very closely supervised. I find that weird. I would tell him he can talk to friends at school or on a play date where both you and her parent(s) are present. There's truly no reason a 6 year old needs to be calling classmates. I would have asked where her parents were when she called you, and asked to speak to one if them. Not hand my child the phone. If they wanted to talk a parent should have called you and discussed it with you first. That's in my opinion though.

Edited: If you do end up having a meeting with their principal and teacher I also would address not necessarily your son, though you can make sure he's behaving and being appropriate but how you're concerned that it seems his classmate and her sister are calling strangers. Even though he's in their class they don't personally know you or him and the fact that they are comfortable or bold enough to make phone calls and face time strangers is in and off itself something very worrying that I would at least bring up if this all does go to a meeting, even if you talk on the phone I'd bring it up. Who knows who else they are calling or coming into contact with, with such a lack of supervision.

I actually had this happen to me the school year but it was my little girl that came to tell me. It was more of the little boy would always poke her but she said it made her feel uncomfortable because it was too close to her private part. Also he would do it when the teacher would not see or be turned around. When she told me I was like what I was showering her so it was really unexpected and yes I contacted the teacher immediately. We did have a parent meeting principal his parents as well of course not together with us. However I did not want this to make her feel like she was never able to talk to him or be his friend or be mean to him. They are kids learning about boundaries and personal space. I have to admit it was quite alarming though. So many things went through my head but thank God it was just kids being stinkers.

I was not expecting phone calls at this age. It didn’t seem ‘normal’ to me, and I definitely won’t allow it again for a very long time. I was just caught off guard and thought about this all after the fact. That’s why I love this app. I needed input! None of my friends’ kids use phones like that at this age.

I didn’t think my son had done anything wrong. It shocked me. But I’m sure every parent feels that way if their child does do something wrong. His school is very informative and communicates regularly, so this was totally out of the blue to me. I have pretty bad anxiety, so stuff like this really works me up. I want to fix things immediately and felt powerless.

I hope this doesn't offend you or come off harshly. I have anxiety, too. And I also had a son in school with behavioral difficulties. I know the stress it puts you under to want to protect your son as well as making sure that he's behaving appropriately. Looking at it from an outside perspective, I think you had an over reaction to the situation and acted too hastily. In the future I would take an evening to process the situation before contacting anyone from the school.

I appreciate all the input. I wanted to contact the school for 2 reasons- to clarify if this behavior had been noticed by anyone at the school, and also to voice concern over the sister contacting me at home this way. To me, this is a matter that adults should be handling.

This doesn’t seem out of the ordinary behavior for a 6 year old, I’m failing to see what the problem is? The 10 year old probably saw the two, and probably knows more about inappropriate touching than the 6 year olds. Have you talked to your son about this at all? Maybe he isn’t aware that certain touches can me misconstrued as inappropriate, nows as good a time as any to teach him the importance of personal boundaries. That being said, I wouldn’t be concerned if I saw my dd being hugged by a boy if I knew they were friends. Kids hug, just use this as an opportunity to teach him about boundaries.

I think the drama of this came from the older sister thinking the playing was inappropriate. I spoke with the assistant principal today, and my son was hugging her around the waist and at some point pinched her armpit. Definitely no touching of actual privates, and she was hugging him, too. He asked me to process it all and call again tomorrow if I still had any questions or concerns. K and her sister were talked to and instructed not to call us again, and any future concerns are to be reported to the school to assess.

Overall, I am happy that I’m the one who overreacted, and relieved that my son, while he was probably annoying, wasn’t touching people on privates. His teachers will keep observing him and give reminders if needed, but I was assured this is normal for kindergarten and first graders.