I might DD this... Friday- UPDATE IN OP
My husband has been acting really weird. Paranoid, says people follow him at work, thinks people get in his work van at night and while he's out working (exterminator), thinks people were breaking into the neighbor's car at night, insists there is a secret underground train going under our city, listens to these conspiracy theorist podcasts a lot, rarely sleeps, etc.
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I sent him this message today:
"I want to apologize for yesterday. I want you to know I never want to take the kids away from you. You are a good dad going through a hard time and we want you to focus on finding out how to manage it. I don't want to just call this quits before you have a chance to get treatment. Your family is not gone. We're just trying to figure out how to move forward."
I am so sorry zombie. It seems like he is resisting help and getting well. How frustrating and disappointing it must be for you. Hugs! You are right, you need to be happy. Not just for your kids but your own sake as well. I hope that maybe in your absence he will realize all he has lost and get his sh*t together. I am so sorry you and your kids are going through this. Stay strong, you did all you could and the ball is in his court, you just focus on your babies and you. Things will brighten for you.
His paranoia and delusions did, but not all the other behavior (inability to get it hold down a decent job, pissed away any money he did have, refused to follow in a routine for our son even though he thrives with one, constantly lied about a variety of things). I just cannot continue to sacrifice my own happiness, safety, and security, especially since there's 2 kids involved too. They need to grow up with a happy mom.
I would think schizophrenia my biological grandfather was diagnosed with this and dementia and he talks about the government being after him when the birds are chirping. He randomly goes outside and starts cursing at the air. He's had bubble wrap on all his windows in his place. But then again this all started happening when he hit his head right?
I'm done. He was screaming at me and my parents today. Asked me to set him up with unemployment! Said I'm responsible for all his stress. That he entertains the kids and that should be enough, and I can work to support us all.
f*** him. Nope. I'm not gonna keep supporting him sitting on his ass. Especially with how things have spiraled lately. I don't think he is a safe parent. His delusions and paranoia were centered around driving or vehicles, so I can't trust him driving the kids anywhere (besides the fact that the car he drove needs work to run).
I'm filing the restraining order papers tomorrow and separation. I tried to delay this while he gets help, but we are fairly sure he isn't even being honest with his therapist about his delusions and auditory hallucinations. I'm bawling. I just don't know what to do now.
Tell his doctor to check for blood clot or a small tumor in his brain these are all classic signs of them. Be careful. The best and SAFEST way to be with him is DO NOT argue with him or tell him he isn't acting right because in his brain it's as real as you standing right in front of him or him in front of you. Go along with it and tell him it'll be ok
The thing is, he can't be taken involuntarily by police unless he threatens someone or himself. The military could have, but there was a snafu on Monday in his chain of command as it was a holiday and I had to get a friend out of state who is active duty to help me reach anyone in his command.
I'm having a hard time believing that everyone is saying they can't "pink slip" him. He more than meets the criteria since he is paranoid and delusional. I'm not saying I don't believe you. I just think the people your talking to are full of it. I strongly recommend looking into the laws and criteria in your area. If he was my pt I would have had him pink slipped a long time ago. Good luck!
I hope he realizes someday, I had to do this. I had to leave. I'm not just some b**** who took the kids. I tried so hard to save him, for so many years. I have to save my kids. I have to save myself. I don't want our kids to see him like this, but hopefully he can see them if he recovers. No kid should remember their daddy like this.
My heart breaks for you and your little ones. My husband has PTSD and has episodes of paranoia. It is obviously not anything near what you are going through but I can sympathize with you on how hard it can be to get someone to realize they need to seek help. I hope that the doctors are able to find and fix the cause of this and your life can get back to normal.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. This breaks my heart and is so scary especially bc from your pp you seemed so happy with your husband. It's scary bc it can happen to anyone, the way you have handled this is amazing. You still are a great mom and wife and none of this was your fault.
I got the DV restraining order filed and it should be reviewed by a judge today as I filed early enough. His sister messaged me that their mother is diagnosed as schizophrenic.
My son keeps asking to go home. He misses our cats. He was such a daddy's boy but hasn't asked for him one time since all this started unfolding. I just want my own bed back and to feed my kids dinner like I used to. I just want to move past him and he can do whatever the hell he wants. I'm still pretty sure he's going to be arrested by the military for abandonment. He's hiding from his commanders and they don't take going AWOL lightly, especially with the rest of the situation as it is.
Im sorry that you and your famiky have to go threw this. Its so scarey and draining... My dad was diagnosed as schizofrenic and he used to think people were in our backyard. Hed stay up all night yelling into the back yard. Or he would say he heard my niece or nephew crying, even tho they were miles and miles away. Just crazy far out delusions. He finally got help and tajes his medication and he is soooooooooooo much better. He hasnt been that way in years. It used to scare me. Just hang in there and do the best for your children and yourself..
As soon as he started scaring me, I grabbed stuff and left. I would rather be overly cautious and regret it than ignore my motherly instincts and jeopardize my or my kids' safety.
The sheriff said they can only accept a threat in person, not by hearsay. That a****** texted me a picture of our son saying he misses him. He hasn't once mentioned our daughter. His loss.
He did say if I left yesterday, I'd find him dead in the garage. That wasn't enough to haul him in.
I think it's dangerous when he insists people follow him, he spent countless hours either sitting in the garage or outside in his work truck instead of with us (he's barely even spent time with our 2.5 month old, my dad has held her more than him!), and has holed up in the crawl space of our garage.
He is refusing any medical or mental help; combined with his increasing paranoia and delusions, he is not safe to be around at all. I especially don't want our son seeing him in this state. He will remember.
When my oldest was a few month old I broke up with his dad, he had a break down. Called me hundreds of times and began threatening to kill himself.
I called 911 said he was attempting to kill himself gave them his address. They went out there with an ambulance and police cars. He tried running and they took him in for an involentary hold. Ended up keeping him for 2 weeks.
It's not the best option, but if he says or does anything like that again call 911. Chances are in his mental state he will try to run, and they will take him in, weather he agrees or not.
That option is better then him actually hurting himself or anyone else.
Good luck mama
These is still no way to involuntarily commit him. We've tried everything. I'm about to go downtown and file for a restraining order. I can't even take my son to daycare until it's in place or he could go take him.
He still thinks I'm being controlled by the vague 'they.' Says I planned all along to just take his kids away. He must think this is some good time for us? Living out of a duffel bag in my childhood room with 2 kids, disrupting our and my parents lives?
I have zero desire to stay married to him anymore. This is just the final straw in a very long, difficult relationship. I do not believe in divorce but will likely have to do that.
Wow!! I'm so sorry you're going through this all. Just remember that it's truly NOT you. Your husband is mentally ill, and needs help. You are doing the right thing by keeping you and your kids safe. They are your main priority now. Hope he is able to get the help he needs. Good luck sweetie.
You're doing all the right things. Hopefully he gets help and things improve but number one is protecting yourself and the kids while he's in this state of mind. The AWOL will force the military to bring him in, right?
I'm so sorry, again, that you're going through this. How are the kids doing?
I work for a crisis center and it varies by county and state, but it appears at this time he could qualify for a 302 (involuntary commitment) based on inability to care. Sounds like he made a vague suicidal statement you could add in, but inability to care would fall in not taking care of himself, not going to work, doing dangerous things (breaking and entering, etc), and not taking care of his medical issues. If you have a crisis center in your country or area contact them asap. It's a matter of them trying to contact him and urge him to seek help, and if he refuses having him involuntarily committed for up to 5 days. I am praying for u. Sounds like a rough time. He can get better and nothing u did contributed. U are doing all u can!
I feel horrible for you and your kids, but I feel even worse for your husband. To everyone else, he's delusion and irrational, but to him, this is reality. He believes the things he's saying, which is why he doesn't think he needs an evaluation. I know he hasn't been diagnosed with anything, but as the daughter of a schizophrenic mother, I know how it is to be around someone with a mental issue. I also have a cousin with bipolar disorder. It's definitely a scary thing. Especially when they say or do crazy things that scare the crap out of you. However, I feel like a separation or divorce isn't exactly the best thing. Vows say for better or for worse. Would you want him to leave you if the shoe were on your foot? What if it were a terminal illness, or a sickness that required a lifetime of caring for him? He needs support right now, more than ever. He needs you to help him get through this, because I guarantee you, he can't do it alone. Your kids need to see you fight for your husband and his health. I think that it's a smart idea to stay apart until he gets diagnosed, because he's unpredictable at this time, but I really wouldn't suggest a legal separation. Hopefully he can get the help he needs, and you guys can put your family back together. I'm so terribly sorry this has happened to you all.
This was not your doing at all!
You have done everything to make the situation better for everyone. He needs help! Please stay safe! I really hope that he gets the medical attention that he needs!
Again this is in no way your fault! You are doing everything right! I wish more women were like you!
You are still a good mom and wife. If you didn't love them, you wouldn't be responding so responsibly. You aren't letting him behave badly and doing nothing about it. You're protecting everyone and insisting he gets help... Keep pushing... You're doing what you need to do for everyone.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you! I'm surprised that with him threatening to take his life they can't put he on a mandatory 3 day hold. Get a restraining order and hopefully he breaks it in a way that you and your children remain safe. At that time press charges and hopefully he will get into a forensic psych unit and be properly assessed. You've done nothing wrong, dealing with any type of mental illness is difficult. You are doing a great job caring for your children through this
I can't remove him from the property until I get a restraining order placed. My babies and I left and are with family again.
Sounds like you're in a catch 22 situation OP, everyone agrees he needs help and wants to help him but nobody is able to until it gets to the point that he's dangerous. It doesn't sound like he'll be requesting help himself I can't imagine how hard it must be to have to sit back and watch.
They can't take him in assuming he may hurt us, since he has never threatened us. If there was anything the doctor could have done, she would have. She is very concerned and tried to get him to go in right away for help.
Wouldn't it be kind of a threat if he thinks u are against him and working with these people he talks about to hurt him? Like if he says u are part of this conspiracy then he might hurt u to "defend" himself? I'm so sorry you're going through this. After the dr saw him like that he should of done something more instead of giving him an option. Obviously he isn't stable to make that decision alone
I keep coming back going to see he went on for help. I'm sorry things have taken a turn for the worse. Please stay safe. Your father was right to tell you that you cannot stay at the home.
I really think that if you called the cops on him and said he was a threat to himself and others, they will take him in for am evaluation. But I could be wrong on that.
I am thinking about your family. May you be protected and your husband finds a way to help himself and go in for help.
He hasn't threatened anyone, so the police and military are not able to do anything (yet). He has to get help on his own, or become dangerous.
I am so sorry that you are going through this. You need to get the police involved, they can help you get a 72 hour hold put on him as he sounds like he's a danger to himself or others at this point.
Do what ever you can to protect yourself and you LOs. Things sound like they have gotten incredibly scary! Keep your head up and stay strong.
I spoke with some military resources and still can't have him taken in involuntarily. They want him to reach out for help himself since he's not threatening anyone. I set myself up with counseling and will look into what resources I can get to help with bills since he's now unemployed and I go back to work in 10 days. I can't afford daycare for 2 kids full time, but my dad can help me a bit.
I've dealt with some mental illness in my family and when they wouldn't get help I kind of went to something like toddler mode. Not like baby talk or treating them like they don't know anything, but like 'I see what you're saying. So there's someone in the garage hiding? Ok let's check it out, but first if we do this for you I need you to do something for me too. I need you to go with me to talk to someone after. Ok let's check the garage, No one here. We'll check again after we get back from talking to someone." Or "I understand what you're saying and I know it's frustrating that we aren't believing you, but that's why we need to see a doctor. If we rule other things out then we know we need to listen more to what you're saying''.
It's a long process but doable. I'm so sorry all of you are going through this. It's never easy :(
How come they couldn't hold him against his will? Where I live it's called a Form 1. (Its equivalent to what they put Britney Spears and Amanda Bynes under when they went to the hospital). If he's that delusional it seems like a reasonable thing to do. I'm so sorry you are going through this. How terrible.
If it is bipolar it can suddenly present itself after a traumatic event. My uncle was in the army and passed all evals. Then a few years after developed bipolar so bad that now he is institutionalized. He had a foot truck run over his foot or run the fork (the lifting things) through his foot.
I hope you're able to get to the bottom of this it sounds terrifying.
The kids and I got some sleep last night. My parents both have things to do today, so I'm going to slowly start making all the calls I need to as I have help with my son. I guess I need to get in contact with a lawyer too.
Reading your post, the first thing that came to mind was the movie "A Beautiful Mind". I don't know if you've watched it, but it's about a brilliant mathematician who ended up being diagnosed with schizophrenia. Paranoia, hallucinations, fixations can all me attributed to a couple of mental illnesses and even head trauma. Definitely look into resources for him and your family. I don't blame you for removing yourself and your children from such a sticky situation. Props to you for sticking it out and loving him anyway! Hope you guys get all the help you need!
I'm so sorry you're going through this. My brother was diagnosed in his early 20's with schizophrenia and bi-polar disorder. He stayed with me the summer before he was diagnosed. He would unplug all my tv's, cable boxes because he said someone was trying to communicate with him that way. He then started with people were in the walls. He was diagnosed a year later and has been fighting this for over 10yrs now. Your husband sounds like how my brother started. You can start the process of getting him on a 72 hour hold. Look up the Baker Act. We have had to do this many times over the years. Especially when he would stop or refuse meds and start ranting again. This is a very long journey and it won't be easy but their is help out there. As a family we got help from NAMI with support groups and resources. Sending love and light your way.
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I went back to work. Still staying with my parents. My daycare doesn't accept state subsidy, so I have to switch to a s*** ty daycare that dies. He's living in the house, basically sitting on his ass feeling sorry for himself. I'm going to have the sheriff remove him soon so I can move back. My dad wants us to move in with them. I'm thinking it over.