Trigger warning UPDATE IN COMMENTS
So going off of my poll about using correct body terms I need some 2nd opinions. I feel like I am so paranoid about this. So my sil has been with my brother for 12 years now. Our families are really close. We clean for her mom and step dad every two weeks and house sit from time to time. Her mom absolutely adores my dd so we would bring her with us. I started noticing that her stepdad would always want to bring her in another room. I didn't think anything because they could occupy her while we cleaned no big deal. Her mom would often lay down because she has severe fibromyalgia and has a hard time with pain. But then he would say things like let's go in the play room and change your diaper. And if we went into that room to vacuum or clean the bathroom he seemed burdened that we went in there. Odd. I mentioned it to dh and he started getting uncomfortable with her being alone with him. I just always had a weird feeling about how he acted and the things he'd say. I just didn't really start paying attention until after awhile. He always says things like why don't you come sit on my lap. It always just sounded weird when he said it. I don't want to cause trouble if nothing is really happening but would his behavior strike you as odd or weird? Should I be concerned?
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Sorry ladies it was a busy day. We had dds appt then dhs appt. then we had to drive an hour to my mums to get baby stuff. I'm 22 days from my due date and have nothing set up ? we just got home. They did an examination. She said nothing looked wrong. I told them a family friend was watching her every once in awhile and I noticed some odd behavior. But being a few months ago and dd being so young there's probably not much they can see or find out. She took down his info I told her I wasn't sure if something did happen I just started to notice odd behavior from him. And he has two granddaughters they see twice a year. I told them that we haven't seen them in a few months and don't plan on seeing them again. But thankfully she said everything looked fine. Maybe it was the "grooming" thing yaya talked about or maybe he's just really weird like that and meant nothing. I don't know but I'm not going to EVER put her and soon to be ds in that situation again. Thank you ladies for your support and concern!
I didnt read all the comments, but if you don't assume the worst and get her checked out now and it turns out, she was victimized, you will regret it. It will eat at you. Nothing bad can come out of her getting checked out. If nothing happened, that's great. I find it weird that he'd volunteer to change her diaper in a different room. I find it weird that she's uncomfortable when you change her. She's too young to be self conscious about that esp with her mom. Please take her to the doctor, you don't have to mention him, just tell them about her sudden strange behavior when you change her. Good luck, mama.
I agree it's not like I don't trust anyone. My dad watches her and I trust him. I just get weird vibes from this guy. I don't know what it is.
You're welcome. Empowering ourselves with knowledge is better than being afraid of every man alive. For example, women are more likely to kill their children, but that doesn't make all women murderers. Nor does it mean that we shouldn't trust mothers. I encourage all parents to learn to identify the warning signs of abusers and molesters as well as the signs of abuse and molestation.
@yaya thank you I had no idea about "grooming" it makes me sick to read about it. That some one could do those things.
This post makes me so sad for my boys! Men are not pedophiles just because they were born male!!! If you can trust a woman you can just as easily trust a man. My brother has changed all my babies diapers and I never thought twice about it.
That being said, I was molested by my grandfather when I was younger. I was not molested by every man in my very large family. Only my grandfather. The rest are all very trustworthy men.
The behavior you're describing sounds like grooming. Grooming is the time that a pedophile uses to prep the child for future abuse. It's spending time together alone. Sitting together. Being a mentor and a caretaker. It all can seem very innocent and nurturing. What makes the behavior different than just being really awesome with children is that it is only reserved for one child. That child is singled out above all others. The pedophile looks forward to the time spent grooming the child, so any interruptions or delays are going to be met with annoyance or frustration or anger.
I don't know that speaking with his daughter will help. I am sure that my mom was molested, but she won't, or can't, remember it. Up until the day he died my mom loved him and defended her monster of a father. And even after I told her that he molested me, we kept going to visit. Family loyalty is a hard bond to break.
From now on, I would stop cleaning for them. I would not make it a family matter, yet. But I would go right up to that man and look him straight in the eye and tell him that he will no longer be alone with your daughter. That all diaper changes will be done by you and her father. And that if he argues or causes a family divide, you will remove your family completely from their home and company. I say this because if he's innocent, he may be offended, but he'll also be embarrassed that you think he might have been inappropriate with your child and he will do whatever he can to put you at ease. If he's guilty, he's more likely to overreact to "prove" his innocence. Either way, stick by your new boundaries and don't give in to family pressure.
If anyone aside from my husband or our sitter, who we trust very much, offered to change our daughter's diaper, idgaf what I'm doing, I will stop what I'm doing, kindly decline their offer, and do it myself. I'm so paranoid about stuff. I hope your appt goes well. I think it's good that you are getting her checked out. You can never be too safe.
I'm so sorry you are going through this OP. I truly hope nothing happened. With that said, in my opinion HIS behavior is out of the norm and would raise serious red flags with me. As for your DD and her diaper changes, my DD got like that nearer to age 2. I try to clean her because cream gets inside her labia and she fights me tooth and nail. I hope all goes well for you and DD tomorrow.
Yes I did find it weird he would offer it up like no big deal. My mom has changed dd when watching her. My dad has when watching dd but he really doesn't like to lol. Mil has. And my grandma when she babysat her. Other than that it's dh and I. That's why we would check in on her and that's when he'd get all huffy puffy like we were intruding. But I didn't care. I'm going to talk to my mom.
I do agree with that diaper issue. I don't think my dad ever changed my daughters diaper. Maybe once? He's taken her to the bathroom before when he took her Disneyland when she was 4. And he told me he did.
It's not your fault op if something is happening. But you also need to be a lot more careful. You should never be letting men change your daughter or letting men be alone in a room with her. You shouldn't even let women change her that you aren't 100% comfortable with. Unfortunately it's the world we live in. It's very abnormal for a man to be volunteering to change a diaper.
I think it's very odd that he changes her diapers. My dad is very close with dd but has never once changed her diaper. He has no desire to. If he was put in a situation where no one was around and she pooped he would do it. My mom changes dds diaper but if poop gets in her vagina she will tell me to clean her because she feels uncomfortable doing that. I find it extremely odd he changes her and acts annoyed when you come on the room. Trust your instincts. This sounds extremely fishy and he would not be alone with her anymore. I would never let bil or fil change diapers especially not sil step dad. Who wants to change diapers if the parent is there to do it. The only time I change diapers is when I'm babysitting and have to. We've watched so nieces before and I told him he agreed to watch them so he can change them. He begged me to until I did it because he feels weird changing girls diapers. I don't know why a guy would just willingly change diapers when not even asked to.
Thank you she's going tomorrow to the doctor. I appreciate the support from everyone. I know that was very hard to share pp and it means a lot. I don't get why ladie son here complain about everyone being batches. I have had nothing but support and seen it for other users too. Love you guys!!!
Always trust your gut. It doesn't really even matter it you're right or wrong about what could be happening. That's your little girl. It's better to be slightly over protective than under protective. Buuuuut, that being said, Ivy also went through a time around that age, where she would cover her vulva or wince when I would change her diaper. For her, it was because of irritation, as she has very sensitive skin. No one else, but me, changes her. So I know she hasn't been molested. It was just uncomfortable for her when I would wipe, and her way of communicating that, was to cover herself. Also, keep in mind, that women are just as capable of molesting a child, as men. So those of your saying you wouldn't leave your child alone with a man, I hope you also don't leave them alone with a woman. It's important to be consistent and persistent with protecting your children.
I would not leave my children with any man just because of what happened to me as a child. My two older girls never acted weird about diaper changes, I am the only one who changes them.
But that type of weird behavior could be because of pain or discomfort from having a dirty diaper.
It's good though to be cautious just to make sure nothing is happening.
If you do bring it up be prepared for backlash and people to stop talking to you. What happened to me and other girls in my family made a great divide.
This isn't normal for an 18 month old. I've got 3 daughters and none of them have acted this way. Please get her checked out. Especially before accusing or making anyone else aware of this. If it truly is nothing, but the accusations are made already, it can easily ruin someone's life.
Thank you ladies for making me not feel crazy. I know if I said anything to my family they'd say I was overreacting and being paranoid. My brother has no kids. My sils family and my family are very close they are always at family functions and have been for 12 years. I think I'll talk to my mom about this she may have some insight. Here's the thing I never really thought anything because sils family are very open hippie type. They are very huggy touchy feely. I don't know I guess you just don't want to think close friends and family would do this. But reading into it that's who's most likely going to do something like this. It's no one else just him. I just get this weird vibe from him. My dad watches dd and I don't get that feeling. But nor is he ever offering to change diapers. My sils sister has two girls 6 and 7. They see them at least twice a year. I feel like if they have ever had this happen with him they would say something. I know her sister pretty well would I be a good idea to ask if she's noticed any weird behavior when he's around her girls?
Generally, this could very well be innocent. But why are you letting your sister in laws step dad change her diaper? I'd also never let my child go alone with him, but I of course don't have an understanding of your family's relationship. At that age my son would sometimes tell me no when washing his nether regions and I'd listen, and the next day he'd forget. And asking a toddler to come sit on their lap isn't weird, per se. But you should definitely follow your gut on this one and look into it.
You need to take her to the hospital to get checked asap. Idk how you managed to wait so long. Too many redflags. I never leave dd alone with any man that isn't her father. That guys not even part of your family so why would he want to change her diaper? If he did something to your child then other children around him are in danger too like your brothers kids. Its best to find out now before its to late. Her behavior isnt normal either..this coming from a mother of a 2yo girl.
I would say go with your gut. As far as the diaper changes go, is she crying when you touch her? Or just putting her hands down there? I know for sure that my daughter has never been molested because I am always with her but at about 16 or 17 months she started trying to grab her diaper area and stuff when I was changing her. I think it's just an exploring thing for her. But if your daughter seems to be in pain or scared it would definitely raise red flags for me
I would go get her checked as well to make sure nothing happened because if nothing really happened, then your family will resent you for starting problems.
I understand that males molest people and babies but what about women? Some women molest children just like men so I think it would be safe to say no one would watch my children that I'm not comfortable with, not just males.
From family experience, please please go with your gut feeling mama.. my niece has not returned to her grandma/dads house in nearly two years. Take her to her pediatrician & from there depending on what they say go to the police station. Also would do a background check if you have the funds & check for any sexual,criminal history..
@princess I know that's why I posted this. I thought at first it was to keep her entertained while we cleaned but then he'd get weird. Like if we went into the room they were in to empty the trash clean the bathroom or vacuum. He would get irritated Like we burdened him. That's what strikes me as odd. I don't mind keeping her out of the way so we can do our job but to get irritated that I came into the room for a second while they were in there? She's my daughter. Honestly I hope to God we're just being paranoid and nothing has happened. But for future we will not be going around them.
I will contact her doctor. It has been a couple months since we've seen them. It's just this has been eating at me and dh.
That's very concerning, I would take this seriously like she was molested simply because to me, it sounds like she was. I wouldn't be worried about hurting anyone's feelings or wrongly accusing with the way your describing how your daughter is acting and what the man would say. What he says alone would be enough for me to not go around, especially with my child. And I wouldn't feel bad letting anyone know that.
I'm not sure... I don't know the situation well enough to comment that he could be or not harming your dd. Do you think maybe he brings her to the room to play so she isn't in your way as you clean? As for the diaper both my boys have gone through a fase around the 17-18th month were they absoluy hate diaper changes and hate hate hate wipes. Ds2 is going through that right now he's almost 18 months. I'm sorry you are going through this. I pray nothing has happened to her.
I would definitely get her checked. This puts up serious red flags in my mind. He sounds very creepy.
Eta: they don't necessarily NEED to know your reasons, but I suppose you could tell them. If you are wrong though it could get real awkward or start ww3. I would just try to avoid them and make up some excuse if it were me.
She has been to the doctor for 2 check ups now. Nothing showed concern. Her pedi always checks her vagina area. She is 18mos now. We haven't seen them for a couple months now but I'm getting backlash from my family because they are so close. Do I tell them my reasons or what? I just didnt know if I'm being silly about this.
Sounds very strange...but I'm one of those people who don't like my girls in another room with a male alone. I'm not paranoid in just super super careful! My mum was the same and tbh it saved me from being molested by a male neighbour when I was about 8yo. You can never be too careful! Go with your gut for sure
We have stopped going mainly because dh got a better job and I'm super preggo. My family keeps asking why we don't go over there anymore and they are upset that we stopped cleaning for them. I just don't want to say the real reason we don't see them anymore if I'm just being paranoid. I know my family and they'd probably dismiss it or tell me I'm being silly
So going off of my poll about using correct body terms I need some 2nd opinions. I feel like I am so paranoid about this. So my sil has been with my brother for 12 years now. Our families are really close. We clean for her mom and step dad every two weeks and house sit from time to time. Her mom absolutely adores my dd so we would bring her with us. I started noticing that her stepdad would always want to bring her in another room. I didn't think anything because they could occupy her while we cleaned no big deal. Her mom would often lay down because she has severe fibromyalgia and has a hard time with pain. But then he would say things like let's go in the play room and change your diaper. And if we went into that room to vacuum or clean the bathroom he seemed burdened that we went in there. Odd. I mentioned it to dh and he started getting uncomfortable with her being alone with him. I just always had a weird feeling about how he acted and the things he'd say. I just didn't really start paying attention until after awhile. He always says things like why don't you come sit on my lap. It always just sounded weird when he said it. I don't want to cause trouble if nothing is really happening but would his behavior strike you as odd or weird? Should I be concerned?
Also in the last several months when I change her diaper she gets weird about me wiping her. She tries to cover herself. She's only 18 months so it's hard to completely communicate with her but I ask her are you hurting what's wrong? But she just gets fussy. Is that normal? Is she becoming aware of herself and becoming more self conscious about her privates?
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