omg I'm in tears right now I need help please.
trigger warning here's my problem
my bf (matt) and our daughter(serenity) and I are flying to Co to see my mom for Christmas. Matt's mom wants to stay in our apartment because she's homeless. now let me clarify she's homeless by choice she REFUES to get a job she's been kicked out of shelters because she REFUSES to do anything to get off the streets. she's one that will go fill out a job application get an interview and reject the job because she don't want to work. she's in her late 40s she doesn't bathe or wash her hands not even after going to the bathroom. she's smokes pot and cigs. smoking of any kind is NOT allowed in our apartment I'm highly sensitive to it and Idk how my daughter is with it. I have been hospitalized because of smoke I'm that sensitive to it. his mother doesn't clean up after herself she'll leave dirty cups and plates all over my living she's done it many times before. she tries everything she can to use Matt and he knows it he doesn't always give in to her. she ONLY I'll say it again ONLY gets a hold of Matt when she wants something whether it's a place to stay or a ride. and anytime anyone does anything nice for her she takes advantage of it we let her stay ONE NIGHT with us and she tried staying three more nights and she tried moving in. I'm not taking care of a 40 some odd yr old women who can work but REFUES to work. she doesn't care about anyone but herself and she wants everyone to feel sorry for her. she lied to her sister about me and said I'm keeping matt from her. Matt is a 23 year old male a grown adult he can make his own choices I have NEVER and again i have NEVER said he can't go see her or she can't come visit I have NEVER said that. she lied and told everyone I wasn't letting matt see her. I have simply said she's not moving in and he has agreed she's not. she has never been a mom to him he was in and out of foster care because his mom would rather have drugs and his dad who was beating the shit out of her than her three boys. Matt saved her life his dad beat the shit out of her so bad she would have bled to death if Matt hadn't of called 911. and how does she repay him for saving her life she tries to use him. literally she only calls or texts if she needs a place to stay or a ride somewhere. she will blow up his phone while he's working trying to get a hold of him she don't care. okay we bought this baby monitor that have an app that goes to our phones and we can be away from our apartment and still check on serenity if we have someone watching her. his mom told me and I quote "if you have me watch serenity one night and you decide to check on her give me a heads up before you do". now let me ask you a question if someone said that to you what's your first thought? let me tell you mine she's smoking in my apartment and or around my daughter and not taking care of serenity. I told matt she said that and he agrees she's not allowed to be left alone with serenity. her friends are all homeless druggies and she's tried getting us to let them stay nights with us too might I add. I don't want her here while we are gone I'm dead fucking serious no because all I'll be doing while up in Co is stressing out and freaking out because I won't know who she brings over she won't listen and smoke outside and she'll bring people over who we won't have any idea who they are and she'll let them stay over. what if she stays here and then let's people over and they steal from us without her knowing? or what if she lets people stay over and they do drugs in our apartment? our landlord is very strict on a drug free. she won't rent out an apartment unless you pass a drug screening and background check. people get nuts on drugs what if they come over and do drugs and the police get called. I'm falling apart and he said he's going to let her stay while we are gone. what do I do? am I wrong for not wanting her to stay here without supervision?
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that's her problem. hell she grown. I wouldn't feel bad at all. she made her choice and she has to live with it.
@millermommie I want to but it wouldn't be anything she hasn't already heard she won't change ever
@princesslina we're getting a house tax time I'm hoping I can find a place away from this town. I'm so tired of her wanting shit I really want to tell her off I really do but it's not going to do any good
Exactly. She'll say hey I miss you guys so... I really can't stay in the apartment?
@millermommie @princesslina
I really want to block her she only calls or texts when she wants something but that's his mom he won't do that. in case something happens she's the one that told him his great grandpa died no one else called or texted either of us. She texted him today saying "Matthew are you mad at me please call or text me when you wake up" then kept wanting him to come see her when we told her more than once today we would busy and so she tried to get us to come see her before we left. we told her we won't have time then she still kept trying to get us to come see her today he's been ignoring her wanting to see us because she only wants to see us to get our apartment key
she's been blowing up his phone for three days. She kept trying so hard to get him to come see her at the Va which is just a place where a bunch of homeless people go to shower and wash clothes and all that. I didn't want to take our daughter there. too paranoid about her getting sick really bad before we leave. So he's not going to see her and she's gonna be blowing up his phone again tonight watch I bet you.
@millermommie
@princesslina
@ciraclesmiracle
@ciraclesmiracle us fighting for like five hours straight and off and on for a whole day lol. I wasn't giving in ladies!
@millermommie @princesslina and np I'm so excited
@jgruenwald, 🎉🎉🎉 what a relief for you! What changed his mind?
he's not letting her stay!!!!@millermommie @princesslina @ciraclesmiracle
@millermommie so far he's been ignoring all her texts I'm hoping it stays that. call me hateful but personally I don't care for his mom she serves no benefit or anything to the three of us. I sprained my ankle a few months ago I was in so much pain it was unreal we told his mom to stay where she's at and we'll pick her up instead she gets on a bus and takes two hours to come to us so she can watch serenity while she's sleeping.
tell him to rent her a room then! not risk your house!
@millermommie I wish mine knew. we argued for four hours about it last night and off and on today and then he's like I'm going to Co with you two. he said the reason why he wants his mom to stay is to do something nice for her for Christmas too
my man knows not to argue I'm blessed in the fact he agrees with me about his mama
@millermommie I'm the same way but she has no respect for my household I don't spend everyday cleaning for her to trash it in an evening
im OK with pot just not around my child. I don't do it but Ik ppl that do
@millermommie see I can't do that because all she does is pot and cigs and my bf use to smoke it with her growing up and to him pot isn't bad nothing is wrong with it. and if I say she's not allowed around serenity he'll stand up for her and we'll end because of her because I'm tired of her being around and only coming around when she wants something
@millermommie do you let your MIL around your kids?
I understand that's his mom but shit I wouldn't do it. I got kids of my own now n I wouldn't take her to raise
@millermommie I don't know what to seriously. thanksgiving we went to my dad's MIL's house which is 4hours away and his mom wanted him to come back just so she had a ride to her family's thanksgiving. the drive is 4 hours and he would have gotten up extra early so his mom could be there noon. he said no he's not wasting his gas she needs to find someone else but it's still the point that she don't care what he's doing he needs to drop every fucking thing for her at least that's what she's expecting. I want to move out of state we will never hear from her again. I mean never she only calls when she wants a ride somewhere or needs somewhere to stay.
I have a crackhead for a MIL so I understand
@millermommie couldn't agree with you anymore. but yet anytime she comes over who's stuck picking up after her I am plus taking care of a toddler
she's a grown ass woman hell she wouldn't be In this situation if she made better choices
@millermommie thank you for agreeing with me. according to him there would be more agreeing with him than me
@concrete see I've said that him and his response is " it's not like my mom will be around often anyways" and I say " yeah but see serenity could still take upon his mom's horrible habits of using people and lying
@jgruenwald, you simply want your baby to know a better life that what his mom CHOOSES to show her. Sorry, your husband has childhood mommy issues and prob needs therapy, but you need to think about your child and the security of your home.
@concrete thank you he says I'm not accepting his mom and it's not that I'm not accepting her I don't like her habits and her lifestyle choices
@princesslina he says she won't do anything wrong she won't let people over and even if she does and they were druggies they would do the drugs before they even step foot in our apartment and he said his mom wouldn't let people bring over anything that could be harmful to serenity pot isn't bad it isn't harmful and if she does smoke she'll probably crack the balcony open. that's what he's said. I know people who smoke pot and they have kids and they even said themselves they won't let anyone smoke it in their house they don't smoke it inside it goes outside whether the child/children are home or not they still live there
no, no and NO! Protect your family. she is a pest!
I really don't know what to say. I know you want him to come with you but I feel you girl his mom is a nuisance and even if there is nothing to steal I wouldn't feel comfortable with her alone in my home. With a key!!
@princesslina he doesn't always give into her but he wants her out of the cold and our apartment will be empty and warm for 11 days so he saw no problems
Girl your husband needs to put his foot down!!!
I'm in fucking tears because of this I'm so tore apart I can't believe it
she won't listen @princesslina. she won't do anything except mooch off of everyone so I guess it'll be just my daughter and me in Co. I told him if he lets his mom stay here then he needs to stay with her and he said okay have fun in Co without me @ciraclesmiracle
Can't y'all just put her in a hotel and say you need to find a job by the time we get back or you can't stay here anymore!?
@ciraclesmiracle the only thing I know for sure she does is pot and she smokes cigs. as far as I know she use to do harder drugs but I don't know 100% if she's still doing them but she hangs around other homeless who have been to jail because of bigger more harder drugs. and she would let them stay the night without asking me or Matt and then she'll lie to Matt's face and say no one was over.
@jgruenwald, that's probably better than coming home and discovering that she has sold your daughter's things for drug money, trashed your place and is squatting in it and transformed your home into a crack house. Does your husband realize if she decides to squat there then the police will have to come and go through the process of eviction? It could be days (or much longer depending upon local laws) to get back into your own home! Furthermore, if she trashes your place you could not only lose your security deposit, but also be sued in civil court for damages not covered by your deposit? If she really is as bad as you describe there is a lot to be concerned about.
I'm worried I'm going to have to give him the choice if he lets her stay here then he has to stay here with her while serenity and I fly to Co and have Christmas with my mom and my brothers I hate being that type of person but I'm afraid I'll have no choice @ryliannsmommy @ciraclesmiracle @princesslina
but see if I say any of that to him he says I'm over thinking everything. it was suppose to drop down into the teens for a few days last week and she wanted to stay with us I said no call me heartless call me a bitch I DONT CARE it's flu season and his mom could of easily gotten my daughter sick and there's some nasty stuff going around. his response to me being concerned about his mom staying was kids are suppose to get sick you can't prevent everything it build their immune system. I had some simple ground rules if stayed those nights with us and they were 1 she smokes outside every time 2 she washes her hands after everytime she smokes and after she goes to the bathroom 3 she bathes and wears clean clothes while she's here 4 she cleans up after herself and washes her own dishes. and he told me he'll tell her to bathe and wash her hands and smoke outside but he wouldn't in force the other ground rules. I gave him the choice if she stayed and doesn't follow ALL the rules then serenity and I were gonna stay elsewhere. thank god she didn't stay those nights. but now he's response for me saying how I would be stressed out if she stayed here is that and I quote "you don't think I was stressed out when my mom could of been freezing to death and I could of prevented it" I told him I said Matt she's not going to change she's this way for a reason it's not your fault she's homeless it's her own choice
see omg thank you for understanding and agreeing with me@princesslina @ryliannsmommy @ciraclesmiracle
I'm so close to just canceling the trip I don't want her here. and he would give her his key probably to our apartment so she can come and go. we will be gone for 11 days. I want to see my mom but I don't want his mom here. I don't trust her at all Matt said it himself she's a pathological liar. she don't care and yeah we don't have a bunch of expensive stuff but we got things that are worth some money. I'm so scared honestly I am. I understand that's his mom and she's homeless but she's homeless because she refuses to get a job. and the coldest it's suppose to be is 25 out its not my fault nor is it his responsibility to take care of her. it would be different if she was retiring after a life long of working but she's not the longest she's held a job was a year and it was at a grocery store and she got fired from it she hasn't worked a day in her life since and that was when matt was in I believe middle school again Matt is 23.
@ryliannsmommy, OMG I skimmed over the most important line! Yeah, no. That cannot happen. She cannot be trusted to stay at your place alone. She could change the locks and squat in your apartment!
@ciraclesmiracle read the end of her post, her husband said she can stay.
She wants to stay at your place, but you and your husband agree that she cannot. Are you worried that she's going to try and break in while you're away? Does she have a key to your place?
She would not come anywhere near my child. I don't blame you for how you feel.
You are completely right! she's your baby an its your place! stand your ground, God forbid some crack head gets invited in an steals or worse hurts your baby or you for money. it happens daily, please be caeful! @jgruenwald
that's how I feel honestly but I got told basically heartless @millermommie