kind if a rant/diary session.... I had sent a message to my doctor a couple weeks ago and got a response from one of the…

kind if a rant/diary session.... I had sent a message to my doctor a couple weeks ago and got a response from one of the lpn or rns or whatever she was....saying that they couldn't help me, that I was fine, and if I really felt necessary I could see a counselor, but because it wouldn't be considered medically necessary, my insurance wouldn't cover seeing the counselor, not even a true therapist.......and I have tried talking, to friends, family, my husband...... I'm happy, but I'm not happy, if that makes any sense..... Like, I love my life. I love my 9mo son, I love my baby boy (24 w pregnant), I love that I'm blessed with being a stay at home mom, my husband is great...I couldn't ask for anyone better....but yet, as much as I love my husband, I feel like I hate him. With absolutely no reason why and it crushes me so much.... I want to cuddle and kiss him and touch him, yet when I have a chance I push him away and turn my head.... It hurts him and it kills me knowing that but I can't help it. I just want to sleep, but when I get a chance I stay awake feeling empty, alone and completely lost and confused and I can't for the life of me explain why.... My temper used to be bad, about 2 years ago..... It got better, I could control it, I didn't fly off the handle easily, now I'm snapping at things that I would have laughed about last year.....I have absolutely no sex drive....which isn't like me at all.... I am just lost....