Who else has financial issues within their relationship?? Or am I just lucky 🙄🙄
Not sure if I'm being just mean or what. But my SO used $160 from me this morning. I gave him my bank card because he needed $60 to get material for work. His boss was going to give it back to him at the end of the day. So instead of $60 he took out $160. Which I was a little pissed. (One of the reasons I just can't let him use my card. I have to go get the money from the atm myself if I'm giving it to him) then, tonight he asked for $20 incase his boss didn't give it to him. So I gave him my card not even thinking because I had kids running around me. I asked if he could pick up a few things that were out of and told him he could use my card if he has too. And I even told him not to get the expensive brands or anything m generic is fine. So he does. But when he does he decides to go Easter shopping for the kids. (Not sure if he used to my card or not) but if he did, I'd be even more pissed. He knows I have bills to pay on top of giving my son's school money that I owe them. He goes to a private school and I haven't paid in 5 months. It's towards the end of school now so I need to pay it. He knows this month I am extremely tight because of the school, im already in debt and my credit score sucks. I have been trying not to get in more debt and actually fix my credit. I'm so frustrated. It's like we have different priorities and different ideas on this. I feel like I'm completely drowning!!
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I don’t blame your SO at all at this point. This is your fault for not being responsible with your money, which would include giving your card to someone that has proven to abuse YOUR money. My advise would be to budget and be more in control of your money.
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I’m not feeling bad for a grown ass man. If he is using the money for work, as a contractor, he can tell his clients he needs 1/2 of the cost before starting and remaining upon completion. Every contractor I’ve worked with does this. And everyone I know who is a contractor or who has worked with a contractor, does this. Something in the water ain’t clean. Your children over his..... addiction
Yes. I've told him that about getting the deposit before starting the job.
Start having him give you all receipts when he uses your money. Even $20. You have every right to know where it goes. And make sure he gives you the money from his boss
Uh after further investigation, your SO is a pos. Takes your money, and verbally abuses you. Girl, come on.
I'd look at your bank statement and see where that extra $100 went. If he just pulled cash out I'd ask for receipts. Seems weird he'd just take an extra $100 like that. I'd be questioning what that money went to since it's impacting your childs education.
@anicole3285 yeah and then when finally my sister just stopped handing over her card. He started pawning his things so then my sister would have to pay to get them back, because he needed it for work and then he stole my mother's engagement ring and pawn it too, but he refused to tell her which pawn shop so we never got it back. (My father had died 10 years before and my mother gave my sister her engagement ring and I got my dad's wedding ring) That's when my sister finally figured out that her ex was on drugs
@laywatz glad she found out.. similar situation here, I doubt he would steal from me though. He never has before, but that's a good thing to be awear of if things aren't going right with him
We should talk. 😩 I feel like our situations are very similar and it’s so hard when you try and vent to friends whose home lives are all great and you feel like you’re constantly complaining and being negative. I deal with so many financial issues because of my husband’s problems, and then the verbal abuse? Yeah that’s there too. It’s exhausting and no one else gets it.
How the hell did $60 turn to $160 that’s the first problem ..& then after you got over $100 why do you need $20 more dollars ! What does he do with his check ? Him and his boss could and would kiss my ass .. he’s very dependent.. he’s just getting over at this point because he knows that he can .. Easter shopping ?? He would have to take his ass outside and find a nest to ball up in like a egg tonight 🤷🏽♀️
I think you need to get your priorities straight and stop letting your SO have your card and worry about your kids and your bills. He is only going to continue to walk all over you because you let him.
I don’t blame your SO at all at this point. This is your fault for not being responsible with your money, which would include giving your card to someone that has proven to abuse YOUR money. My advise would be to budget and be more in control of your money.
I just need to be stronger..... I know this
@anicole3285, I know I sound harsh and I’m glad you’re at least acknowledging where you are falling short. I hope you make better decisions in the future for you and your kids. Good luck.
Does he even help with bills? I’m really confused of how he’s working and you must be too, and y’all can’t figure out bills together. I think y’all need to sit and talk about some shit. All bills should be taken care of and figured out. I know sometimes something has to wait, but for 5 months?? And his boss should be giving his the work card or cash for materials. My bfs boss gives him the work card so he knows exactly what was bought and spent. He does that to all his employees. Why feel bad for a grown ass man that seems to be getting taken care of by you??
@anicole3285, then tell him to catch up the school bill. Stop giving him money.
Your kids should come first. If he won't budget his own money why would he budget yours? Stop giving him your bank card, it isn't going to change. Don't let him guilt you into giving him money. 5 months behind on your child's school payments. That is all you should have to say. You have other priorities.
No girl, you’re not being mean. All the ladies here have given you great advice.
If your having a rough time saying no to him next time he asks your for money or your card tell him your accounts overdrawn..and you can’t....tell him you legitimately have nothing. That way you don’t have to be guilted for just saying “no” to him. I actually do this when my older sister asks me to lend her money.
I would strongly suggest taking a couple steps back and analyzing whether you can financially stay in this relationship..assess whether he’s using you. I’m not saying leave him but maybe draw some solid and serious boundaries with him. Was the money truly for work? Maybe it wasn’t and that’s why his boss didn’t “give it back to him”..this would throw up so many questions for me. It sucks though I feel for you there is NOTHING worse then questioning whether someone is using you as a cash cow...you need to remember your personal value and you are better then this. You deserve better and you should never be put in a position to pay for his “work” over your child. Putting you in that position makes him an inconsiderate person it doesn’t make you a bad parent.
I see what you did there but I must say, if I have to lie to my DH then I definitely need to be getting out of that SHITuation.
This whole I give him money and he'll pay me back thing is WEIRD period. One..he should be providing for YOU AND THE KIDS and buying his own work shit. Two... stop giving him your bank card. Refer back to #1. 3. "Pay back?" In a relationship/marriage weird, just weird. 4. Refer to #1
Your SO should be more concerned with your sons education. Stop giving him money, you can't pay $70 a month for your son but a $100 in a day that he used to do what exactly?? Your SO knows money is tight so he has money for Easter but not for other things? So confused because you're enabling this behavior.
Your child’s education shouldn’t have to suffer because your so is a deadbeat.
Girl, he is dead weight. Do better for you and your kids only. He seems like a selfish person that only takes takes takes. And he’s taking advantage of you because you’re too nice I guess.
The fact that you’re not even able to pay for your child’s education due to you giving your SO money that you already know you’re not going to get back is extremely irresponsible! You need to stop giving him your card! Simple.
I don't already know. I just always think ok this time is different. That's what goes through my mind till the month goes by or even a few days then I basically screw myself over by thinking that way.
@anicole3285, you are screwing yourself over. He’s obviously not going to change, and I think that it’s very sad that he doesn’t even care if you have money left over for the things that you need to pay. This scenario is terribly wrong. You’re gonna have to speak up and let him know
why are YOU , paying for HIS work ? & you have to pay for everything else ... lol somethings backwards ...
I would have a talk with him and tell him that he needs to do better at budgeting his own money. You have a lot of financial responsibility and you can’t continue supporting a grown man.
Sounds like you need to leave him. All you do is complain about him and he doesn’t seem like much of a keeper anyways
@lakota-winyan, scroll her post. There’s screenshots of him belittling her and calling her all sorts of names. It’s sad.
@jellybeans33, oh, yup you’re right. I do remember she posted one and deleted it and I did reach out to her in a message.
@jellybeans33 yea, I shouldn't have posted that because he's never said things LIKE THAT. HE does have attendecy to say things out of the moment in a harsh way. But I have no room to talk because I have said some harsh things as well. Probably just as much. Anger takes over. But I was at a point where I was considering having him move out unless there be changes. Change doesn't happen in a day.
Stop giving him your money. It’s clear he just says he’ll pay you back with zero intentions of doing so.
Yeah, I just feel bad. He says he'll pay it back and it never happens. Then if I say no I can't I have things to pay he swears he'll pay it back. I just feel horrible on top of it
@anicole3285 he doesn't feel horrible fucking up your kids school or home security so 🤷
@anicole3285, i agree with @lottydotty, obviously he doesn’t care and he isn’t going to pay you back stop putting him first and stop letting him play the guilt trip on you stand your ground and say no you have bills and school and food and needs to pay not random stuff for his ass!!! If y’all are already struggling how are y’all gonna afford another kid?? And if he has a job he should have his own money sounds like he has a problem 🤷♀️
Maybe switch to a public school until you're a little more financially stable? Private school seems to be way expensive if you're 5 months behind. Cut down on anything else that's not needed as well.
@anicole3285, so your SOs “needs” are more important than your kids school...
@jellybeans33 obviously not. I do in the moment then when it comes down to it I can't that month. And I am still paying my son's school
@anicole3285, obviously not if you are 5 months behind. Put your child first
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This whole I give him money and he'll pay me back thing is WEIRD period. One..he should be providing for YOU AND THE KIDS and buying his own work shit. Two... stop giving him your bank card. Refer back to #1. 3. "Pay back?" In a relationship/marriage weird, just weird. 4. Refer to #1