My heart is incredibly heavy today and I'm in tears as I write this. I don't know if last night or this morning should…
My heart is incredibly heavy today and I'm in tears as I write this. I don't know if last night or this morning should be counted as the worst day of my life. I got a call from my hysterical mom last night around 11:30. From what I could understand through the sobbing was, my dad was in the hospital and they wouldn't let her see him. I race to her house, a LONG 45 minutes away to find SEVERAL police cars in her driveway, crime scene tape everywhere and people in paper booties and gloves walking in and out of the house. I run into the house yelling for my mom when I find her, my sister and my nieces laying on the floor in a huddle sobbing. I finally get a policeman to tell me where my dad is, call the hospital, gave my dad's name and was immediately put on hold. A man picked up the phone and said this is Chaplain something or the other and I just KNEW why they put this man on the phone....my dad was dead. DEAD you guys, my dad is GONE, not EVER coming back, not ever gonna call me his sweet baby girl ever again, GONE! I am BEYOND HEARTBROKEN. I am the oldest so am trying to stay strong and make the phone calls that need to be made, handle the things that my mom just simply CAN'T and this is the HARDEST thing I've EVER had to do! WHAT are we gonna do without him?!?! NO ONE can answer that for me! The worst part is he chose to leave this way, my dad committed suicide. My happy go lucky, top of the world, man's man dad committed suicide. If he had EVER linked his moods with his alcohol use this NEVER would have happened, EVER! He NEVER would have done this to my mom! They've been together LITERALLY 24/7 for the last 25 years. They work together, live together, play together.... EVERYTHING. My mom is going to be SO lost! Sorry if I'm rambling...I might be a tad delusional. I haven't slept but an hour or so since the night before last and I'm kinda scared to. I saw some things I can't unsee last night. Did you know when the crime scene people leave, the family is left with the mess to deal with themselves?? My sister couldn't deal so her job was to get mom out of the house, which took me, her and my husband to do and I was left with clean up. I have NO words...just nothing to describe what that was like. I wish that on NO ONE. I miss him already, my heart hurts and at the same time I want to yell at him, tell him how stupid he is, punch him and be MAD as hell but I just can't do anything but cry. Please keep our family in your thoughts. These next few weeks after going to test our strength as a family. This is a pic of him walking me down the aisle. He was SO proud, honored and emotional this day. When he came in my dressing room to get me he stopped dead in his tracks, began to cry and said oh sweet baby girl... you are SO beautiful, you look just like your mama the day I married her and I CAN'T BELIEVE you'd honor me with walking beside you to take you to the beginning of your new life, NOTHING has made me happier he said. That's the kind of man my dad was and I will NEVER fill the hole he has left in my heart.
Heather·Мама двоих (младенец)
I am just seeing this & I am so sorry you have to go through this! if you ever need to talk, I am here.
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