I’m at such a loss...
Me and my daughter live with my mother and her boyfriend but no one here is helping me in the ways I need help,
I mean the help I get is they buy things but I still am asking for help with the same things (some driving time, go to the dmv so I can get my license, even some simple things like take me to get envelopes and packing supplies so I can open a website or list my creations on Etsy) so I can contribute and no one is doing anything but making sure they are gone all day long. And start drinking as soon as they get home. I don’t know any one everyone has a job and are too busy... I feel so trapped...
Like when I talked about getting my license with my mom she asked me how I was going to afford my car or insurance and I won't be allowed to drive around any time soon even if I got my license cause she'd be paying for everything. Like who says that... like 0 encouragement or support just negativity and controlling. Like just help me get my license I’ll worry about the next step when I get there... I don’t understand why they complain all the time about having to pay for things but then buy extra gifts here and there that are not necessary I'd rather that money go towards the gas so I can have driving time. This is exactly why I moved in with my grandparents after I turned 18 and caring for them + cleaning an entire hot yoga studio late at night 3 times a week... it’s the same crap that I’ve been dealing with since I was 15! I’m 20 years old and I feel like I’m a teenager again... sooo not okay!
I only moved back in with my mom because being pregnant and caring for an My grandfather with Alzheimer’s was far too difficult on me.
So I move back in with her and I don't get any where with my life again. And she makes me feel like I'm an incapable parent with how I get treated... I hate living here But I know I need the help... it’s coming with the cost of my sanity and freedom. And I feel like I’m going to have a mental break down
I need help advice anything please...
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I’m going to sound blunt but only you are in control of your life , like you said your an adult not a teenager so it’s you who needs to sort yourself out not expect to be helped. If they want to go out all day and come back and have a drink they can do that, your a big girl now with a baby of your own you need to do these things yourself. Your daughter is only a few months old you will get there x
Yes they can do that but what I don’t get is that they complain about helping with things and buying extra unnecessary items, it is all a means to keep us trapped here. and I want to contribute and take care of my daughter but they are making it difficult on me to do that. I have no way to get around no extra money laying around to get a ride. No one to baby sit.
So how exactly am I supposed to take charge when every time I do I get stuck cause I need the help on just a few small things that would set my footing in the correct direction. And they know that because they talk about it all the time saying i need to but then don’t help when I ask or tell ask them to arrange time in their schedule for me... instead of goofing off all day splurging money on things we don’t need and then complaining after and coming home to get pissed after they should make like a couple of hours for me... I mean they do it for other people that aren’t even family and help them with getting a home and car and back and forth places... but when it comes to me... I only get words but no action
@mommacrow1133, That’s awful such a horrible situation to be in! Where is baby’s father is he or the family able to help?
@erincharlieconor, her father is not really involved. He and his parents are a little over an hour away and the rest of his family I have no idea where they live I’ve never met them. He lost his 2 year old son 15 years ago (it was traumatic situation he had no control over) and He has this attitude that he’d rather give up then try to keep something he could loose... again. But he battles the emotions because truly he loves us both but can’t escape the fear so I can’t depend on him unfortunately... Maybe one day I’ll be able to but he is just not in that place. Having another child triggered something I guess (ptsd I assume). It’s sad because when we are together we are a happy family but he has no way to support a child much less himself. (He has no license or car) He lives in an rv on his parents land. (He is a full grown adult) The rv is not bad. I could live out there no biggie, I love nature... but we’d have no way to be able afford going into town and get baby supplies... I mean I guess we could make it work but I don’t know if it’s wise... maybe if I had my license and a car... but I don’t think it’s fair that I have to put in all of the effort or go live on some one else’s property.
Here I thought being with an older man and bearing his child meant I was going to be set, a husband that loves me and I him with a child or more and a home we both provide for. It’s what we always talked about up until I got pregnant... now those conversations sound like day dreams rather than plans...
Tell your mom that you’re grown and you have a child of your own and you need to be able to get your drivers license so you can take your child to her doctors appointments and if needed to the hospital incase of emergencies, and you also need to be able to drive so you can go get a job, and earn money to save/buy you or your child the things y’all need like you could save for a car if they’d stop trying to control you, and stop you from getting your drivers license. I 100% understand about not being able to drive I’m 22 and still don’t drive but after I have my baby I plan after I heal to go get my drivers license because I can always get a car later on my husband can always buy me a car when we can afford it it’s not about if you have a car or not it’s about being able to drive just incase you need to because emergencies do happen to everyone so you need to be able to drive especially if you feel you’re ready to drive.
This is my daily argument with her... she says “well I can drive you” or gives me a list of people that are never actually able to do anything. Then pulls excuses for herself like she had to go to the hospital to see her dad or something came up or she has an appointment.. and is just gone... she is gone all day and once she gets back she drinks and I don’t want her to be the one driving me or my daughter any where or teach me how to drive cause she is rude to me and you don’t want to get into a disagreement with her even if she is in the wrong she is convinced she is right and will ignore me and my requests for help until she forgets about why she is avoiding me(which to me more than 2 days is a long time)
Is there a job near by that’s walking distance or public transportation so you can start saving up money? Look on the dmv website. See if you can get into classes and that way they should have a learners car you use for your test drive (they did for me). Bottom line is your going to need to move out to gain your independence. The way your mother sees you is as a child bc she is supporting you and you are dependent on her.
Can’t afford classes.. I have 30 minuets of driving experience ever... and I was 17... I want to drive so badly. places to work are walking distance but there is no one to watch my daughter and can’t afford a baby sitter. I don’t want my mother watching her because she goes to visit my grandpa in the hospital I don’t want my daughter getting taken into their and if she gets a chance to work she can’t do it with my daughter. Any other family works or is too far away... no friends ever available.
If I had my license I’d find a delivery job.. I could do that no problem.
I want to be independent. I got away for a day out into the country with my daughter but now being back here I’m more agitated then I was before leaving.
Might not be the advice you want, but can you get your own place?
I’m not sure how... I could move in with my daughters father but he lives in an rv (which I have no problem with living in an rv with a baby) except for the fact he doesn’t contribute to our daughter now, he says he will if we move in with him... but to me he should be contributing despite where we are...
And I have no funds any more because I paid for bail and lawyers fees to get him out of jail cause it was over something that the charges needed to be dropped for. And I would have never spent a penny on him if I had known things would turn out how they are now...
I’m broke. And I can’t physically hold down a job. delivery jobs id do great at... but moving out.. I really don’t have a way to do that
@mommacrow1133 you can apply for low-income housing!
@mommacrow1133 Get a job at day care some offer free childcare , and see if your in laws or a friend or take a bus to work until u save enough money to get a car and a license.