say you go to use your husband's phone and when you open the browser the first thing on google is youporn. That means it…

@mhbb3, I’ve discussed porn with you on someone else post. I’m not sure why your being so defensive and snarky. Why are you positing then lol? No one here “knows” you. Your legitimately just rude and can’t handle anyone saying something that isn’t what you want to hear. I legitimately said something nice about being self conscious and your just straight rude. You need to get off your high horse or make your posts to only your followers and who really “know” you.

Personal opinion.. I feel like I’m a bit different from everyone else posting 😂 First off! I’d like to say that it doesn’t bother me what other people do with their relationships. If y’all are into watching porn together, separate, whatever, and everyone is happy and comfortable.. that is fabulous and I’m very glad you have found what works for you! :) Seriously, no sarcasm, I want everyone to be happy.

However, @mhbb3, I do understand that it isn’t part of your relationship. It’s not in mine either, but there’s been a bigger issue at hand years ago, and here’s the deal. If it bothers you and you feel like it’s hurting your marriage then YOU need to have this discussion with HIM about this. Unfortunately this is not one of those things you’re gonna get on the internet and strangers are gonna be able to help or fix for you. Your feelings about it are valid, just like everyone else’s is for not caring if their spouses do, but you and your husband need to have this discussion. It may hurt, there may be yelling, there may be tears, you may need to go to counseling together.

Long story short, just a personal experience: I sort of knew my husband was into it when we were dating and it didn’t bother me much, but things got really bad and took a major turn when I had agreed to move in with him and take care of his sisters daughter and I got home one day to find him on a webcam with another woman (anonymously). We legit almost didn’t get married over this because though I didn’t really care about porn at the time, I really give a big ole shit about being on a webcam with another woman, live, showing your own self to them and essentially having webcam sex. That was a huge betrayal of trust (especially with how much I felt I’d sacrificed at that time for his family, who I barely knew!) and we had to go to counseling for a while but got back on track and as silly as it sounds, we have ground rules, and it works for us fine. It’s 100% okay to not want to be lied to and it’s okay to need to discuss these things with your husband and to go to counseling alone or together. As much as it sucks you do need to look into yourself and ask why it’s bothering you, and that helps give you a starting point on what to do next. My parents were very...loose... I guess is the right word. I have a half brother I’m close to and several half-siblings I will never know and both of my parents did some weird shit. It hurt my entire family in a lot of ways, and I refused to have a family like that. That’s where we started: I’m not going forward if you think this is what our relationship is gonna be like. It was hard to deal with, but you got this.

@haleypsutton Thank you for the genuine advice and for not lashing out or trying to make me feel like its not ok to be upset. Not tonight because i am so upset but soon I will try again to get to the bottom of it.

@beakymcspence I'm not ignoring any of it

Again thank you all for the advice and the different perspectives. I will talk to him. I come here to vent, to express and to get my bearings about things before i approach them. Even if i dont agree with what you said i appreciate the response

@haleypsutton i am responding to the comments. When she asked genuine questions i answered them

@haleypsutton, I’d rather be hurt or upset over the truth and deal with it the be lied to. I’m sure most people feel that way. I don’t think it matters what anyone says OP is going to ignore most of what is said and argue one aspect. Hopefully they work through the honesty issue and can conquer the self conscious feelings 😊

@mhbb3, dude- let that fight end. We’re trying to help right now. I’ve seen you post stuff about leaving your husband and posting about porn before too though not specifically about him watching it. But there’s no need to continue that argument, @beakymcspence is trying to have a constructive conversation right now and offer advice.

@beakymcspence, I’m with you on that. Dishonestly is my #1 thing that will piss me off really bad, really quick. I’d rather just get the truth up front. I’m gonna be more pissed if I find out someone lied to me.

@beakymcspence

We have never had an issue with porn until now You specifically said that i post over and over about his porn issue. That is not true. I have commented on other posts about my personal feelings about porn. I never thought I'd have to write this post bc it was never an issue. Yes I have thought about leaving him. But, there is a lot of good in our relationship too so i try to find ways to work things out.

What is he saying that’s not true? I find dishonesty the hardest to deal with for me personally.

ok ladies thabks for all your advice

Lying is a huge issue. I agree. My husband and I have a complete transparency rule.

@mhbb3, I’ve followed your other comments. You’ve voiced the porn issue and that TBH you’ve thought about leaving him. All I’m saying is if that’s how your feeling or have been feeling you need to evaluate those things 🙂

@beakymcspence that is not what i had the issue with. I have an issue with things being said that are not true.

@beakymcspence

saying that im always posting about his porn issue

Also just two weeks ago on another post you told the whole feed you’d thought about leaving your husband? So really if you unhappy and it doesn’t change yes I said leave him. So how is that bad advice when you yourself said you’d contemplated? For future reference before you shark on someone for not knowing you or not knowing their facts make sure they haven’t actually followed what you’ve said AND listened🙂 We’ve all been self conscious and it’s tough I’ve been there with my Darrell. It’s HARD

@beakymcspence yes I've asked him. He kinda skirts around it and leaves me to come to my own conclusion. When i found the porn i decided to ask for advice and support.

@beakymcspence yes my view on porn. Its never been an issue on pyr relationship til now. Im not being rude. I'm defending myself against people who post thoughtless replies and try to tell me what I've posted about and then try to invalidate me when I stand up for myself. Others offered help amd support and some things I didn't want to hear. I absolutely can and do take advice.

You posted quite rudely on another woman’s post about your views on porn not long ago.

@mhbb3, Where did I claim anywhere I know what I’m talking about? Or are you just saying random stuff now?

@beakymcspence id love to see any of these lol. I never delete comments or posts nor would i lie. Im angry bc you spouted off not even knowing what you're talking about

@mhbb3, I’ve discussed porn with you on someone else post. I’m not sure why your being so defensive and snarky. Why are you positing then lol? No one here “knows” you. Your legitimately just rude and can’t handle anyone saying something that isn’t what you want to hear. I legitimately said something nice about being self conscious and your just straight rude. You need to get off your high horse or make your posts to only your followers and who really “know” you.

@beakymcspence no i haven't

go back and look. This is the first time I've ever found pirn on his phone. Don't comment when you don't even take the time to know who you're talking to.

@mhbb3, No you’ve brought it up about your your view on porn and that issue on other posts regarding porn. If it’s not a trust issue that’s great! If your feeling self conscious or that maybe he doesn’t find you attractive that’s normal. I felt that when when pregnant. Have you talked to him about your feelings on being pregnant and how he sees you?

Also regarding your last bit that maybe he doesn’t find you attractive pregnant... discuss this with him!!

After about 6 months of trying my husband and I had this weird drop-off in our sex lives and idk what it was but things just got.. weird, off, idk! Turned out he was feeling a ton of pressure at the time because he was feeling bad it hadn’t happened yet, he wasn’t sure he would be a good dad, he felt like he was ready for a baby but also terrified of what would happen to me considering I have health problems. Some guys just don’t talk about this stuff unless prompted! 🤷🏻‍♀️ It could have nothing to do with how he views you and everything to do with the pressure of ttc. Some men need to back away from the logistics, some need to get right up in it and know as much as you do.

Also, everyone needs to calm down lol. The snarkiness is this thread is a little goofy.

@beakymcspence you dont even know what you are talking about. This is the first time Ive ever posted about him and porn bc he doesn't normally watch it. Get your facts straight first

Personal opinion.. I feel like I’m a bit different from everyone else posting 😂 First off! I’d like to say that it doesn’t bother me what other people do with their relationships. If y’all are into watching porn together, separate, whatever, and everyone is happy and comfortable.. that is fabulous and I’m very glad you have found what works for you! :) Seriously, no sarcasm, I want everyone to be happy.

However, @mhbb3, I do understand that it isn’t part of your relationship. It’s not in mine either, but there’s been a bigger issue at hand years ago, and here’s the deal. If it bothers you and you feel like it’s hurting your marriage then YOU need to have this discussion with HIM about this. Unfortunately this is not one of those things you’re gonna get on the internet and strangers are gonna be able to help or fix for you. Your feelings about it are valid, just like everyone else’s is for not caring if their spouses do, but you and your husband need to have this discussion. It may hurt, there may be yelling, there may be tears, you may need to go to counseling together.

Long story short, just a personal experience: I sort of knew my husband was into it when we were dating and it didn’t bother me much, but things got really bad and took a major turn when I had agreed to move in with him and take care of his sisters daughter and I got home one day to find him on a webcam with another woman (anonymously). We legit almost didn’t get married over this because though I didn’t really care about porn at the time, I really give a big ole shit about being on a webcam with another woman, live, showing your own self to them and essentially having webcam sex. That was a huge betrayal of trust (especially with how much I felt I’d sacrificed at that time for his family, who I barely knew!) and we had to go to counseling for a while but got back on track and as silly as it sounds, we have ground rules, and it works for us fine. It’s 100% okay to not want to be lied to and it’s okay to need to discuss these things with your husband and to go to counseling alone or together. As much as it sucks you do need to look into yourself and ask why it’s bothering you, and that helps give you a starting point on what to do next. My parents were very...loose... I guess is the right word. I have a half brother I’m close to and several half-siblings I will never know and both of my parents did some weird shit. It hurt my entire family in a lot of ways, and I refused to have a family like that. That’s where we started: I’m not going forward if you think this is what our relationship is gonna be like. It was hard to deal with, but you got this.

@spookylyn

I think so too. The fact that he NEVER did it before and now he never initiates and is watching porn and lying....

I think maybe hes not attracted to me pregnant

@zaka851 Or he will stop watching it. This is recent. He didnt use to watch porn. We've been together four years. You act like separate or accept it are the only choices. They aren't.

@mhbb3, you say porn is not part of your relationship but obviously it is. He watches it weather you like it or not. You either accept it or separate because he will hide it or lie about it.

@spookylyn That is true. He did lie.

@spookylyn absolutely right.

@mhbb3 that would lead me to think other things as well. I hope and pray that you are both able to talk and get to the bottom of things.

@beakymcspence I'm bot upset. Im defending my position. Just bc some are fine with porn doesn't mean everyone is and its not ok for anyone to say my feelings are invalid

@mokai08 Our sex life is lacking because of him. I am the only one to initiate ANY affection

@spookylyn that's fine. Still, everyone's reality day to day is more impacting than science or biology.

@spookylyn Thank you

@spookylyn

Its not about trust. Why do you keep saying that? And no porn is not a part of our relationship and I do not have to say its normal when it is not. You are trying to invalidate my feelings and that is WRONG.

@spookylyn totally normal maybe for some but not to others. Not everyone is at that level. That's the point. And they won't get there by someone saying so. Just one of those things you agree to disagree cause culture and experiences dictate a lot

@beakymcspence she said their sex life has been lacking. So he's been choosing to do that instead. It's not just about porn.

@spookylyn you are absolutely right but doesn't make it feel any better. Conversely they don't always react well if they find out you watching it without them.

@mhbb3, Why are you posting this publicly if your so upset when people don’t agree with your view on it? Who cares why you were on his phone the reality is your cheesed he’s watching porn? You’ve made so many posts about this and in the end why are you still with him if it’s repeatedly and issue? He’s getting off to sex not another woman and if it bothers you that much don’t be with him?

@spookylyn I did and he lied. Its fine if you are fine with your husband wacking off to other women. I'm not.

@beakymcspence

I used his phone because i shut off my service. It has nothing to do with trust.

@spookylyn, I agree and neither do I. We often find it comical to watch together some of the story lines are an absolute HOOT.

@spookylyn it was not about trust issues. my phone was off. I'm upset bc its not a part of our relationship, he lied about watching it and our sex life is lacking.

If I opened my husbands phone (which I wouldn’t because we don’t have trust issues) and saw YouPorn..I’d laugh and say look it’s on mine TOO!! Lol legitimately @spookylyn, the exact thing I just explained has happened to us before 🙊 We both opened our browsers and it was on there 🤷‍♀️

I love how they have the time to do all manner of things while you can barely check ur messages. 😤

You can go to browser history to see when it was actually visited

No not necessarily. Just means it was recent and the browser wasn’t closed out.

Recently, yes. Not necessarily that same day