Комментарии
to my 3 year old dd
we do not let everyone see our ginas so please close your legs.
aurora, stop trying to say " mommy likes to touch me" in public. please. (I said I like to touch her soft hair!!)
to my 3 month old ds
why are you bashing your head into my boob?
please poop when we are in the car please go now please go.
"I understand the dog "lifts his leg funny" to pee, but your a human and a girl so we sit on the potty to pee"
Me: "No, it's to early for a treat, you can have one later."
Her: "But later is today! And it's today right now!"
"Yes, one day you will have big boobies like mommy"
"Please don't scratch your bum and than try to hug mommy, that's yucky"
"How does a girl manage to pee in her own eye?"
"Yes, your correct that lady is a girl so she has a vagina too, but lets worry about ourselves okay?" as she yelled out and pointed at a lady in the grocery store claiming she had a vagina because she was a girl
This is the last time I am going to ask you to stop playing with the dogs penis, he is going to bite you!
"Ugh! Let mommy make you a new sandwich, that one is no good now it touched the dogs bum!"
"Please don't suck on the cats tail!"
And my favorite quote by my daughter (4 yr)
Dad: Blakeley Dakota will get mad at you if you keep bugging him!
Her with her hands on her hips: "DAD dogs don't get mad, they don't have eyebrows!!!!" Lmao
these stories are awesome. my son when he was little: in the back seat of the car when I had a couple friends with us he starts screaming "dumb f---" as he is pointing out the window. when I parked the car and got him out I explained it was a DUMP TRUCK. My friends were all laughing so hard that they were crying
These are great! So here are some of mine!
I have 3 boys and a baby on the way this is mostly the 3 and 5 year old.
Get your hands out of your pants.
No! We don't pee on each other, we pee in the potty.
We don't glue each others butts shut!
Slade stop licking everybody feet, I don't care if spongebob did it!
Is that chocolate or poop?! (When potty training my 3 yr. old)
Jackie you don't wash ur hands in the toilet mami, you wash them in the sink!!
Jackie, where'd you leave your underwear!? (Gets home and gets naked - so glad she's a toddler)
No Jackie, get that $ out of your mouth! (And everything else she can find)
Me : Logan did you poop on your friends balcony ( saw some poop on there balcony, when picking up from a play date, and every one in the room was acting very strange,)
Logan: noooo,
Me: look me in the eye and tell me you didn't
Logan : Aggh that's it I'm never talking to Tim and his mum ever again !
Not only did my son poop on his friends balcony but he tried to black mail his friends mother not to tell me, !!! He learnt the meaning if punishment that week I can tell you !
I was so mortified, he's 7 now and that was about 4 years ago, but I still cringe when I think about it,
That was my most shocking moment if being a mother for 14 years !!
Here are a couple of other things
I love you too son but we can't get married
Get away from that key hole while your aunt is having a bath
No you can not have 4 happy meals cause you want all the toys
The tree hasn't been murdered, they had to cut it down cause it was dangerous and no we won't run out of oxygen,
Logan are you crying over that tree !!
Yes, yes your right Pokemon is real don't cry !!
I could go on for ever lol
My DD is 13 months.
Stop putting your finger in my nose.
Please don't lick my toes.
We have a parakee- please don't grab him by the head.
No, you cannot have everything in the store.
Give great-grandma a kiss... ugh!! is her reply as she tries to bite her if she gets close.
Don't touch your private! its dirty Adriana!! as I'm changing her. she just laughs..
my son 2 months old
....Yodeth stop kicking mommy(while i shower him) Yodeth no dont drink the water its dirty. Yodeth dont touch your pipi Yodeth dont spit out the milk Yodeth dont pull mommys hair Yodeth dont poke my eye Yodeth dont pinch your cheecks Yodeth dont poke your eye......
My son is 18 months old ....
When I change his diaper
- " Lex you're gonna rip the thing off!"
After I change his dirty diaper....
- " Lex stop eating your diaper!"
When I'm washing dishes or just standing still...
- "Nooo don't bite mommy's butt."
- Lex these aren't YOUR boobs they're mommy's boobs. ( bad habit of pulling my bra ND shirt down just so he can put his face in my boobs) lol
Where can I start?!
No, I don't have 2 Butts.
get back in the house and get pants on!
no, you cant pee outside. response: but daddy does.
no, we don't say sh*t when we drop something.
if you don't stop. so help me!! (I say this a lot)
Stop it!
Those are not puffy stickers! ( pads)
If it was up to you, the poor dog would starve!
neveah take your hand out of the toilet
don't eat that its cat food
daddy is not a girl, he's a boy
your sister is not a toy
mommies boobies are for feeding the baby.
don't ride the dog
don't kiss you friend in the mouth, only not the cheek.
poop is not paint. (she would take her diaper off and touch her poop,and draw on the walls) gross never could catch her in time.
my son does and says such crazy stuff, i dont know where to start. lol
(our kitten sucks on ours dogs nipples) "jayden! (my son) just cause you see the cat doing it, doesnt mean you can suck the dogs nips to!"
"stop pulling my shirt down in public!"
"your poop is not paint!"
"you eat candy nerds, not shove them up your nose!"
"you dont bite moms boobs!" (my husband watches the walking dead infront of our son so he pretends to be a zombie a lot)
My 5 yo has to get told not to stand over us while we bath, pee, wash, anything bathroom related, unpacking on a recent holiday with all my dh's immediate family she crammed herself into the tiny toilet left the door ajar and shouts "wow daddy your Tinky is MASSIVE" everyone just went quiet!
I am pregnant with my first and I was led to believe kicking was exciting but lately it been annoying so here is the extent of me scolding the girl in my tummy . Aeris that's moms belly button stop kicking there. Or aeris I know I have to pee it does help me find a bathroom when you make it worse with your feet
Me: Honey go buy a new outfit baby shampoo wash clothe towel and baby lotion. I have to give her a bath in the sink.
Now this is while we ran out to KMart to just pick up diapers. My daughter that was not yet a year old had diarrhea so bad it went down her legs up her back in her hair. So I gave here a bath in the Kmart sink I know it was bad but I couldn't put her back in her car seat like that and take her home.
Here are some more:
Stop smelling the dog poop
The wall and floor is not the toilet
No the cars won't go to heaven if you flush them
Me: Where is mommys phone?
Son: the fishy wanted to talk to Mamaw
Found phone in fish tank along with pb&j sandwich choc. chip cookie sippy cup
Me: Son why is ur lunch in the fish tank?
Son: Mommy the fishy was hungry to. He don't like his food he wanted mine so I shared
These are just a few I have said and done over the past ten years.
Oh wait one of my favs. Boys stop eating the butter sticks. I need those to cook with or but on ur bread.
Me:cooking
Niece:Tia where do baby's come from?(she's only 7)
Me:umm "go ask your mom babygirl"
Niece:she said they come from rainbows and fireworks...
Me:let's say they just come from somewhere far far away"like space" (/.\)
Niece: screams out crying (so so I'm a alien) runs off screaming/tears......
I didn't think that particular conversation would be so hard :,(
I was lost for words at that moment !!lol
I'm not due til August but I nanny and the little boy is priceless someways!
Me:don't touch your wiener!
Him: ugh! Daddy does it!
Me: I'm sure he does but don't do it please!
Him:I have to poop! *runs to the front door*
Me: um...what are you doing?
Him: going outside!
Me: no no you poop on the potty!
Him: no Jess you're dumb...boys go poop on the stump!
Me: no boys and girls poop on the potty
Him: daddy poops on the stump!
Me: I don't think so.
Him: ugh *stomps off to bathroom*
To my stepson
Lj do your homework the man in your head did not steal your answers .. Lol he has an active imagination...
Lj do not tell your dad that you will kick him in his dick ..
He came home & told his dad that he was gonna kick him in his dick when we asked him where he heard it he said a little girl at school said it to him when he was at recess..
Girls! DO NOT wash your hands with toilet water!
You better not be drinking toilet water!
STOP playing with you shanny (vagina) to my 4 year old
My husband says while hes peeing " no you can touch that!" " No thats not a fountain!"
Kiana stop trying to bite your sister bum!
ohh man something new everyday
Stop licking the toilet seat
Get your hands OUT of your pants (my 2 year old waits for the most attention on him before rummaging around vigorously with both hands down there eek usually just after a sweet old lady has said 'look at his lovely blue eyes he's so swee... Oh')
We don't say that word (f... ?)
Yesterday I went out with my boyfriend went to watch a movie, me and him don't live together yet. but point is yesterday when he was dropping me off his like sleep over at my house witch the mom and dad lives. I said no,
his response was why is everyone deciding or making choices for you and their going to do the same with the baby, when I know that's not true. what he thinks is that my mom tells me not to sleep over. So he left all mad. and I felt in my heart that he went on and cheated on me...
Transgender children
So I just learned that in my kids school district (my kids aren't in school yet my oldest will be starting kindergarten next September) there are twin boys who identify as girls. They are 5 years old. What's your opinions on this matter given they are 5!!! I don't believe that at that age they really understand the whole thing. So the entire school had to take a course on how to handle transgender children. For example they can't say girls go this or boys do that. What are...
Science!
My friend posted this on facebook last night and said her kids were asleep within minutes. It's a song that scientists created to help people fall asleep. I was skeptical but I thought what the hay, I'll try it out. I didn't bank on Dh falling asleep, but both him and lo were asleep by minute 2. And lo slept six straight hours. ?
I might DD this... Friday- UPDATE IN OP
My husband has been acting really weird. Paranoid, says people follow him at work, thinks people get in his work van at night and while he's out working (exterminator), thinks people were breaking into the neighbor's car at night, insists there is a secret underground train going under our city, listens to these conspiracy theorist podcasts a lot, rarely sleeps, etc.
#momlifegroups
Moms,
Our new group this week is:
Cooking Moms | @alaina.marie
Tag the mom who's the Admin in the comments to be added to the group! 💕
Send us a message if you would like your group added next week, or if you are the Admin of a group and you have changed your username. ☺
Here's the whole list:
Group Name | Admin
Postpartum Depression | @Heera
Fitness/weight loss | @jgruenwald
Miscarriage and Loss | @bri92
Couponing | @aydans.mommy
DIY | @mrs.mommy.loza
...
" makenzie, please do not chew on the coffee table!"