Craziest mother in law. HELP!
I seriously have the craziest mother in law. She is the biggest guilt tripper and uses her mom manipulative skills to try and make my fiancée agree with her by making him feel bad (there are always tears and threats that he's turning his back on his culture involved - they are from Croatia). First of all, I was okay with telling the immediate family about the pregnancy soon after we found out, but I want to wait till the first trimester is done before he tells his hundreds of cousins and million family friends. She harasses him daily about how Croatian people would have announced it by now and I'm being crazy and selfish for making them wait (I'm 10 weeks). What's so wrong with waiting another 3 weeks !?! Secondly, I want to combine our last names after we get married and give the kids both our names (I'm half Spanish and have two last names and want to carry on the tradition of having a name from each parent). She's apparently been crying since we told her and even compared me to a witch who has control over him and is making him forget his culture. Oh and icing on the cake, I'm not baptised and an atheist (which they have known for the last 4.5 years), and she is getting angry at me because I won't get baptised so I can get married in a church. According to her an atheist Canadian doesn't have a religion or culture so I should adopt all of their traditions. I even compromised and agreed to baptise the child because I know it's very important to their culture (otherwise the child isn't protected by god in their eyes). Any advice on how to deal ??
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I agree with pp about seeing how your fiancé handles the situation.
If you guys are going to start your own little family, he needs to start acting like a man and see what's best for your family. It would be a totally different story if he felt the need for you to be baptised or if he wanted you to share it with the rest of the family etc but if he's happy to wait and happy with your religious choices etc then he needs to tell him mum to zip it!
If he can't do that now, I guarantee things will continue like this for years and years until you get fed up and leave, or he does and cuts his family off.
My I've been married for 5 years together for 8 and last year my DH finally stood up to my sil who is a total b!tch. It took him two years to do this after she was completely rude and out of line with how she treated me for years.. And I was honestly ready to walk out if he didn't stand up for his family. Not just me but his kids too.
All I can say is you really need to have a good talk about this. Better to try and squash it now as opposed to years later when it's taken a toll on your rship.
Thanks for all of the advice! It's tricky. We have similar view points: he isn't religious, he'd prefer a church wedding because it's how he always imagined getting married but understands and respects my beliefs, and he's okay with a two name last name. The problem is when he talks to his parents. His mom gets to him with her guilt tripping and crying and makes him feel horrible about it. It's as if I'm basically talking to his mom through him after she's talked and cried his ear off. She has a way of temporarily brain washing him to her views, which only lasts a day or two. Then he generally thinks somewhat clearly, until their next conversation. And he keeps saying: you don't understand because your parents aren't like mine and go with whatever makes us happy. But I always remind him that just because my parents aren't controlling it doesn't mean I have to cave into his parents every whim.
The most annoying thing is I'm all about compromise, but with his parents they see me as a clean slate because I'm not religious and am multi cultural and open minded. For them I'm being crazy for not adopting their extremely strong and obvious beliefs.
At the end of the day it makes me feel like his "blood" family will always take priority. I'm hoping when the kid comes he will realise we are a separate family and need our own way of doing things. He's not a child anymore !!
And no he doesn't feel like he's losing his culture. He only starts feeling like it coincidentally after his mom's tear filled conversations.