Craziest mother in law. HELP!
Craziest mother in law. HELP!
I seriously have the craziest mother in law. She is the biggest guilt tripper and uses her mom manipulative skills to try and make my fiancée agree with her by making him feel bad (there are always tears and threats that he's turning his back on his culture involved - they are from Croatia). First of all, I was okay with telling the immediate family about the pregnancy soon after we found out, but I want to wait till the first trimester is done before he tells his hundreds of cousins and million family friends. She harasses him daily about how Croatian people would have announced it by now and I'm being crazy and selfish for making them wait (I'm 10 weeks). What's so wrong with waiting another 3 weeks !?! Secondly, I want to combine our last names after we get married and give the kids both our names (I'm half Spanish and have two last names and want to carry on the tradition of having a name from each parent). She's apparently been crying since we told her and even compared me to a witch who has control over him and is making him forget his culture. Oh and icing on the cake, I'm not baptised and an atheist (which they have known for the last 4.5 years), and she is getting angry at me because I won't get baptised so I can get married in a church. According to her an atheist Canadian doesn't have a religion or culture so I should adopt all of their traditions. I even compromised and agreed to baptise the child because I know it's very important to their culture (otherwise the child isn't protected by god in their eyes). Any advice on how to deal ??
Rowbia·В ожидании первенца
Thanks for all of the advice! It's tricky. We have similar view points: he isn't religious, he'd prefer a church wedding because it's how he always imagined getting married but understands and respects my beliefs, and he's okay with a two name last name. The problem is when he talks to his parents. His mom gets to him with her guilt tripping and crying and makes him feel horrible about it. It's as if I'm basically talking to his mom through him after she's talked and cried his ear off. She has a way of temporarily brain washing him to her views, which only lasts a day or two. Then he generally thinks somewhat clearly, until their next conversation. And he keeps saying: you don't understand because your parents aren't like mine and go with whatever makes us happy. But I always remind him that just because my parents aren't controlling it doesn't mean I have to cave into his parents every whim.
The most annoying thing is I'm all about compromise, but with his parents they see me as a clean slate because I'm not religious and am multi cultural and open minded. For them I'm being crazy for not adopting their extremely strong and obvious beliefs.
At the end of the day it makes me feel like his "blood" family will always take priority. I'm hoping when the kid comes he will realise we are a separate family and need our own way of doing things. He's not a child anymore !!
And no he doesn't feel like he's losing his culture. He only starts feeling like it coincidentally after his mom's tear filled conversations.
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