Don't worry do what ur heart tells u!!! I had to atop breast feeding because I qaa losing a ton a weigh n I could keep up I had a t on of milk pkis my daughter endes up havibg mspi which cuase more of a weight loss for since I had to switch my diet! ! My second went worst she fell aick everytime I feed her due to mspi!! Breastfeeding is not always the best! And that's ok!!!

Thanks ladies. I know I've tried my best and then some. But that almost makes me feel worse, like my best still isn't good enough.

I felt like this was my last shot for something to go somewhat "as planned" and it's not going that way either.

With my first I had horrible engorgement, and had no idea how not normal it was. I had milk ducts all the way into my armpits that were hard and I couldn't put my arms down without it hurting. I didn't pump for relief (which I would have done if other well-meaning bf advocates had not told me not to). I am a smaller person. 5'4" 135# and I was wearing a size H cup bra and it was too small!!! Thankfully, my body was able to get it under control and I was able to bf past a year (at which time my milk never dried up completely between each of my kids). If I had been engorged like that for a long period of time, I would not have been able to continue bfing. You need to be able to function for your little man. Having a functional mother is more important that bfing for a specific amount of time. I know there are a lot of women who don't believe that our bodies can betray us when we are doing what is best for our babies, but if that were the case there would be no pre-e, no women with milk supply problems, no women with inverted nipples, no women with incompetent cervix, etc. You have done your best, and it is most definitely good enough. I think you have gone above and beyond for your lo. You have some frozen, and you will likely have a few weeks until you dry up completely (during which time you will likely pump or bf for relief). Don't beat yourself up about it. I'm sure you know at least one person in your life who was formula fed who is perfectly normal and didn't suffer any long-term disastrous side-effects from not being breastfed for at least a year. Good luck, and know there are plenty of people who will support you in your decision.

At least you tried to begin with. Be grateful for how long you were able to bf your lo is very lucky to have you momma! There's only so much you can do. Don't feel guilty or put yourself down because your body won't cooperate. I only made it 2 weeks with my first due to surgery. Your little man won't judge you and loves you just the same. :)

You need to do what's best for you and him, yes fb is best for him but if you can't don't give yourself a hard time. Obviously you have tried everything... Seen drs and lactation consultants.... Have you thought about just feeding on demand? Or do u have to pump in between?

Breastfeeding is not for everyone... Its harder for some... U should not feel bad in any way!!!!

With my 1st I found some gel breast pads t that you put in the fridge and helped with the uncomfortable feeling. But I don't think I was having as much pain as you seem to be having.

Go with your heart with your choice of what you do and as long as your baby is happy and healthy you are not failing. Remember that your health is just as important and Raptors because where would he be if you couldn't look after him? Its sometimes too easy too forget about yourself when all of your energy is used to look after your precious gift.

Good luck x

Alaney and cheetahprint thank you mommas! Your words meant a lot to me!

I have tried and/or am doing all of those things! For some reason my body just can't get a handle on it which is making it hell emotionally and physically! My goal was 6 months and since everything else went polar opposite of what I had planned I thought this would be the one thing I could do the way I planned...but it's not working out that way!

I was also gonna suggest the AP forum. Those ladies are very knowledgeable :-) Hang in there momma, hope you find some help soon!

I was the same way with my second son. It simply hurts. I totally know exactly what ur feeling. The thing I did before every feeding and pumping session was place a very warm wash cloth over my entire breast to help with the engorgement. This not only helped me feel a sense of relief, but helped tremendously with the pain. The reason u have pain is due to engorgement not latch (as u have stated!) you may also be experiencing clogged milk ducts which is also extremely painful & the warm wash cloth can also help. Do u use any nipple creams after pumping & feeding sessions?? If not, I strongly recommend u do. It will help ur nipples rejuvenate themselves. I personally love lanolin cream. It comes in a purple box. Please don't feel like ur a bad mama if u choose to stop nursing little Raptor!! You've nursed him for a month, which in itself is a HUGE accomplishment!!!! He's gotten a lot of the essential nutrients needed & with the supply you have managed to freeze, you can "nurse" him even longer. Formula is NOT poison. Sometimes we just have to make the decision to stop breast feeding because it's for the best. Don't be hard on urself. Make a decision that's best for YOU & RAPTOR, not because anyone else is telling u differently!! Good luck sweetie. Your doing an amazing job!!!

If you are unable to give you child 100% because you are having. Hard time with breast feeding it would be better to stop. The same thing happened to me with my second. I had postpartum really bad and had to stop. A few people tries to make me feel bad but it was what was best for my son. You know what you have to do and what is best for you child. Don't let anyone make you feel bad. A lot of people formula feed their kids. And you have him the best part of you breast milk. He got all the colostrum and that where all the vitamins and antibodies are.

Don't feel guilty but it would recommend reaching out to La Leche League - their leaders may be able to help you! Also before pumping or nursing, try 5-10 minutes of a warm compress or heat back on your chest to help (if you haven't already). Good luck but never feel guilty!! You are doing what you can and need to for your LO and don't let anyone tell you that you are not.

Maybe some helpful mamas on the AP board can help? I'll send you an invite :)

I have tried adjusting the pumping/on demand schedule multiple times and no matter what I do it still screws me up. I've gotten what I make down to nearly half of what it was (trust me that's a good thing) and I still just hurt all the time.

From what you are saying it sounds like you are making plenty of milk. Is it mostly a painful engagement issue? That might just be an issue with being on an abnormal schedule bc you are needing to pump instead of only feeding on demand. Maybe that's why your body is having trouble "regulating".

The problem with pumping for relief from engagement is that it just increases your bodies belief that the demand for milk is higher and you produce more milk.

Can you try slowly adjusting your pumping and feeding schedule to start decreasing the extra pumping sessions slowly? It'll still be painful.when you get engorged, but it could decrease how often you get engorged. Have you used heat or ice to help with the pain at all?

It's not at all that you are a failure if you switch to ff. If you want to bf though, I'm saying don't give up yet, it shouldn't stay painful and it might just need some adjustments.

I've tried all of that. His latch is perfect so it's not that. It's me.

I would supplement with the formula the NICU "prescribed" which is specifically for preemies.

Your almost there! The first 2 months are the hardest!! Did you try contacting your local la leche league? Is his mouth covering the whole nipple not just the sides top or bottom? What kind of pump are you using? Maybe the suction is too strong? Have you tried hand expressing a bit before feeding so your not quite so engorged? Sorry mama just trying to help and if you do end up stopping you have already given him lots of goodness but I would try to keep pumping even if you supplement for a while. I know that enfamil just came out with a supplement formula ... Maybe if you had to you could try that? I'm here if you have any more questions I'm no expert but I breastfed both my boys until 6 months and I know the first month was hell!!

Thanks nmorris! That meant more than you know!!

I've actually had to put some formula in my breast milk since he came home from the NICU to up his calorie intake! The doctor "prescribed" it. Only 1 tsp of formula per 5 oz of milk so not a lot but still some..

It is true though that you get guilt tripped for even mentioning quitting and that makes it hard. I really want to continue but just don't know if that's whats best. In so torn ?

Don't feel like a bad mother. Your doing your best and that's all u can do. Giving raptor a 100% of you is more important. He'll still be getting your breast milk u have saved so that counts for something. Do what u need to do to be sane and take care of baby. Don't worry about what others think u know what's best. Whatever u decide to do I wish u the best. Formula is not poison. All 3 of mine were formula fed and are healthy and thriving. This will actually be my first I'm attempting to fb but if things don't work out I have a back up plan. Your a great mommy and don't ever doubt that ?

They all say the same thing that for some reason my body won't regulate or handle my milk right.

I have talked to multiple lactation consultants and my doctor..

Breastfeeding shouldn't be painful. It's a sign that something isn't right. Before you give up on bfing, talk to a lactation consultant and your doctor. Maybe the mastitis is back. Once you figure out what is causing the pain bfing should get a lot easier! You can do it :)

Iff u had to do that is there a breastmilk bank near you?