Well I had the discussion about how important her firsts are. I feel I made it very clear. I'll see how it goes from here.

I feel like firing her is such a dramatic response. Yes, she is crossing a line. But some people just don't know how upsetting crossing lines can be, or even that they cross lines. I was so excited to buy my son a Halloween costume. My friend did before me. I didn't cut her out of my life, I thanked her because it was so cute and I loved that she loves my son enough to think of him when she sees something. It sounds like she loves your DD like I would hope a nanny I hired would love my son. I understand it's irritating but I would much rather have to deal with the overstepping MIL type of behavior than I would the person who saw my child as just a paycheck. But that's just me.

Wait.. Did you just say your daughter is 7 MONTHS old and she wants to carve pumpkins with her?! That's f*** ing WEIRD.

I understand you, her mother, doing that.. But this nanny gives me the creeps.

Yes fire her because she loves your daughter and thinks of your daughter like mabe her own or like a grandchild..

I would accept em , and mabe if you have placed to go partys things like that she could wear one and what ever you buy, will be what she wears, I used buy more than one and and buy them out after Halloween, and they have pay dress up clothes.. And also have a talk with her let her know how it's is and going to be not how you feel.

Doing those things in and of themselves is not creepy or weird. As a nanny I made every Halloween costume the children wore when they were little. I bought them gifts throughout the years and loved them as my own. Their parents treated me as family and weren't threatened by my investment in their children. However, if they had expressly asked me not to do those things I would have respected their wishes. I also would have looked for a different position with a family that was a better match.

This is seriously getting creepy. I'm guessing she has infertility problems and wanted another baby, but this is way over the line. You need to find another babysitter FAST, before this lady kidnaps your baby or something

I'm a Nanny and I only buy gifts for birthdays and Christmas. I would never buy a Halloween costume for either of them. That's so strange.

I buy the kids I nanny presents for holidays or if I just feel like picking something up for them. But deciding and buying their Halloween costume or dedication outfit, first birthday outfit, stuff like that is too much.

Idk I'm just not as creeped out by all of that as most these ladies. People buy stuff for my DD all the time. That barely know her. We have a neighbor who met her a few times and got her Christmas presents. A friend of ours just loves her to death always comes with things for her. Comes to pick her up and take her out and about and she has no kids of her own. My mom's coworkers, my coworkers. All kinds of people. So I don't get why the creepyness just from buying her stuff. Especially since she is with her a lot. Maybe we are just weird? Lol. It's the overstepping that gets me sure that's not right. But the buying her things. Eh. I don't find that weird

I think Brittney said it best. This has happened multiple times.You are not hinting, you are telling her clear as day *multiple times* that you don't want her doing this and she continues to defy you. I would lineup new help immediately and tell her explicitly why when you let her go.

Our babysitter/nanny use to refer to DD as 'my baby.' While I know she just loved her and wanted to express that, in the back of my head it bothered me a lot. She also offered a lot of unsolicited advice, like putting cereal in her bottle so she would sleep longer at night. ? Luckily, she didn't have a lot of disposable income so she wasn't able to buy anything. I was really happy when we were able to transition to DH staying home with her and then myself. You are definitely not overreacting.

She told me she was going to carve pumpkins with her! I told her not to. So we will see! That is a hobby of mine that I look forward to every Halloween. I told her we are going to do that as a family with her big brother.

To add one year my dad and I carved 20 pumpkins

I think you should definitely fire her. She's making you uncomfortable and that's completely unacceptable and frankly dangerous, you shouldn't leave your child with someone who completely disregards your wishes to please herself. I don't think you're overreacting at all. I've been a nanny for around 3 years now (two different families at 2 different times) and I would NEVER dream of buying any of the kids I've nannied Halloween costumes nor would I take any "firsts" away from their mothers. Completely unacceptable especially after you've already talked to her about how you felt.

I have my own loss. I don't feel it's right to use my baby to heal her loss. It's not her place to do firsts with my baby.

@karen haha I watched that movie a couple of days ago on Netflix. It was pretty crazy!

Back to the post I would just thank her and use them as dress up outfits. I mean you can tell she cares for your baby. I don't think she is doing it to bother you.

It is so strange. It makes me wonder... I'm thinking it's time to find someone new.

This sounds really weird. I honestly wouldn't want her watching my child. Why would she spend so much on the baby she's getting paid to watch? I could see if she would ask you what you need or want then get something every once in a while to help you out since she loves your dd so much. Why would she go and get costumes for her? She's not the mom. She shouldn't have those firsts. Find someone else.

She seems like she is overstepping in her role as a nanny and trying to be her mama instead.

It should be a professional relationship and she isn't acting that way.

She has three boys. One biological at 18 and two steps sons at 13.

I have always thought it was odd on how much she buys. I swear she spends what I pay her on the baby.

I've been looking into daycare and assistance. And if I enroll into my tribe I can have 90% of it covered! So census number is my first goal, then Bella and I would officially be a member of the Navajo Nation. I don't like the idea of day care. But at least she's almost 7 months now and has had her vaccinations.

Maybe put her in day care till you find someone new, that lady creeps the hell out of me??

I'd want my baby as far away from her as possible, even if it meant my baby would be in day care till I found someone new..

@Karen ????❤

Use them for dress up... after Halloween

So don't put them on her, money wasted on her part... Its that easy not her child not her say... Go buy her the costume you want and have her wear it.... She's your employee not a relative or her parent therefore gets zero say!

Yah the bucket thing is really weird she didn't have to tell u about it especially after yalls talk about u wanting to do the first things.and her buying tons of stuff is a lil weird especially if u don't have to pay her loads.does she have kids of her own?

Oh I meant to add. I did speak to her she said she would donate them. But one can work for pajamas. After I talked to her about how important it was to me to buy her first Halloween stuff she told me about a trick or treat bucket she bought that played music! The thing was creepy. I feel like she should have kept that to herself after I expressed how I felt. It really does make me emotional. I spoke to my sons mom today and she said what she's doing is really weird. And was out of line bringing up the bucket after our discussion. It's hard to find someone to trust to watch your baby. I don't know what I should do. I dislike daycares, I grew up in them, and she doesn't charge me a whole lot for her to watch her. I just wish my SO could start bringing in more money so I can be home with her. I pray everyday that it can become a possibility. But mama is the bread winner right now, I need to work.

It isn't the first time she's over stepped. And I have been shocked at how she has been in the past, but looked over it because I wanted to give her a chance. Def weird. And I have felt the lifetime movie feeling before. I think I'll start looking for a new care taker. It makes me scared to imagine anything like that would happen. She buys TONS of toys/clothes/diapers for her house. I am surprised her husband allows it. From the beginning I told her I'd provide everything she needs and told her to not buy her anything. I think she may have a shopping addiction. Every other day, almost everyday, she tells me she bought something for her.

I wish my sister was reliable. She isn't working but my SO and I have asked her to watch her and she bailed last minute before I had to return to work. So I wouldn't go that route again. Ugh I just don't trust anyone.

Yup you need a new nanny. She is playing mommy with your child and who knows how far she'll take it.

I'm so glad pps said the movie thing! Then I read this its the first thing that came to mind.

Hand that rocks the cradle.

You need to tell her to return them or give them to someone else. Sounds like she doesn't take anything you say or rules seriously

Yikes she's overstepping and I'm surprised this isn't the first time. I probably would have fired her. I appreciate the sentiment and that she cares but it's getting real thin line in between love and hate for me. She'd have to change after a talk or be let go, simple as that.

Reminds me that lifetime movie where the lady was so obsessed she made a nursery for the baby she watched at her house and would try to breastfeed her..just 50 shades of crazy ?

Use them as dress up outfits

I'd say "well we're going as a theme so I'm sorry you wasted your money"

Based on what is told here i wouldn't necessarily fire her. (I don't know what else she has done to overstep so I'm just going off of this) it's very nice of her to be as invested in your DD as she is but you are completely right with the way you feel! It is a big deal to you and I think just talking with her explaining that will be good. After that if she still doesn't understand then I'd look for someone else.

I'm going to talk to her about how important it is to me. I don't think I'm being unreasonable wanting to do the firsts with my baby. I literally could cry over it. And I'm already emotional because I am talking to my sons mom today!

It sounds like your nanny is someone you can trust with your daughter and who will take good care of her. If you don't want to step on toes and possibly affect that relationship you could just accept the costume and take a few pics just to keep the peace. Buy the costume you have in mind and take your daughter out in that. It honestly seems like your nanny is just excited and loves your daughter. I would be upset like you are but good, trusting childcare is so hard to find!

Actually second thoughts she might just out her in them while u ain't there. Just tell her that while u can see she's trying to be nice your daughter won't be wearing them as you already told her you are doing your family theme and u really want to do all 'firsts' with 'your daughter' and say if she can't respect that then as nuch as u don't want to u may have to look to find another sitter.xx

Accept them and don't put her in them. Leave them hanging in your house where she can see they haven't been touched.and then post loads of pics of your little one wearing the costume u got her. Maybe if she sees she's wasted her money she will stop xx

I would say "no thank you" and leave it at that. I'd probably start to look for a new sitter. Sounds like she has no problem stepping on your toes even when she acknowledges that she is absolutely stepping on your toes.

You should sit down and have a conversation with her about boundaries. Explain to her how you feel, and how important those firsts are to you. Tell her if this continues you'll have to find someone else.

Firing her is probably a bit dramatic

I would probably fire her too. If this isn't the first time she's overstepped, she needs to keep stepping all the way back home and stay there.

I don't think you're being emotional, you've already tried to tell her and you're her mom. She should know her place, as a nanny myself I wouldn't want the kids' mother to feel anything but comfortable with me. Just tell her no you've already got the costume and it's a surprise. Don't let her win these small battles lol

I would say exactly what @wyo said. Thanks so much but we are planning on doing a family themed Halloween costumes this year. That was very sweet of u but we won't be excepting them

Take em and sell em

If she's generally really good with your dd I wouldn't fire her, but return the costumes.

Fire her for over stepping her boundaries. Especially if this isn't the first time and you have already told her You were going to pick the outfit.

No one should make you feel like precious moments are being taken away from you

Regardless if you're being emotional or not, you told her you already were doing something. If this is common, it's time to get a new nanny.

This was my second baby. I placed my first for adoption so doing the 'first' things with her are super important to me. It hurts my feelings. And idk if I'm being over emotional.

Fire her.

Yah I would fire her u told her more than once that u wanted to do that and she over stepped her boundaries I get that u work and she's with the child but ur the mom and she needs to respect that if she wants to do all the firsts she should have her own child

I would say "that's very nice of you but we already have a plan for Halloween costumes so she won't be able to wear yours."