I just posted this as my status for facebook:
I will never be able to make anyone happy, proud of me, happy to see me trying to be better for myself and my children. All I will do is disappoint everyone. I will be a liar or whatever else anyone thinks of me. I'm trying to do right. I'm trying to be an adult. I'm striving to be a better me. I know I will make mistakes and I will learn or eventually learn from them. I know who I am and where I wanna be. I know what I want to be. Ive tried to make everyone happy and proud even though I have made way more mistakes then anyone I have known. I have trusted people and loved people who I should have never let in my head and heart in the first place. But I love without question and I always will. That is apart of who I am and what I want to be. I dont want to be miserable or be made to feel like I am never going to be good enough when I try to make everyone happy. This is who I am: I am a person with a big heart, a person who makes mistakes as I try to grow. I am a mother who wants the best for my kids even if at times its not being with me. I am a schizophrenic, bipolar manic depressive, and much more who tries to be straight headed even when its the hardest thing to do. I am emotion at times and a person who keeps their emotions hid till I can't hold in anything more at others. I try to manage everything but its not always easy. The person I used to be was a drug addict and a fuck up. Yes I still fuck things up. I'm not perfect by any means. I am human. I don't care what people call me anymore. You didn't grow up in my shoes. You didnt go through everything I have been threw in my life or make the mistakes I have made. You didn't trust the people I trusted that ended up not deserving any of the trust I gave them. So dont judge me please. I have to do things on my own and fix what I mess up. If you can't understand or want to understand me and my position on what I'm trying to do, I dont know what to tell you. I can't make everyone happy when all it does is tare me up inside because even when I do right I still am a fuck up. The only way I can be a better mother, daughter, sister, ECT... Is if I can be happy in my life trying to fix me to be a better person before I try to make anyone happy. SO PLEASE TRY TO SEE FROM MY VIEW AND NOT JUST YOURS. AS I TRY TO DO THE SAME FROM YOUR POSITION. BECAUSE I TRY TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT FOR EVERYONE ELSE AND I HAVE LOST MYSELF IN THE PROCESS ALONG WITH NOT BEING TRULY HAPPY BECAUSE I LET OTHER OPINIONS TAKE OVER MY OWN THOUGHTS. IM NOT BEING SELFISH, IM NOT LYING, IM BEING HONEST AND MAKING MYSELF BETTER BEFORE I SCREW UP ECERYTHING FOR MY KIDS WORSE THAN WHAT I HAVE,
Am I bad for doing this?
I know this is going to make a lot of people mad, buy I don't know what else to do anymore. All I do is cry or hide my emothions because no one wants to listen to me or see thing from my view. I always try to understand where people are coming from and try to help make things better. Then I just get shit because its wrong. I'm wrong. I just cant take it anymore