@crystal.newman, that’s insane, see that’s not the type of relationship I want to be in for the rest of my life! I’ll be damned if I have to feel like I have to hide anything. I can do that for awhile just to get through school but no way would I hang around any longer than that if things stayed the same.

@babyjjsmommy, omg my step dad does that to my mom!!!!!! He’s always like it’s my money I can do what I want but wants my mom to contribute and help and manage and pay all the bills and they have a joint account but it’s the fact he’s such an ass about the money and he’s selfish too. My husband tried to take my 3,500 tax return. I got a school and child benefit and I was like uh no bitch that’s mine why? Because he was getting over 4 almost 5 grand of his own to play with. It got so bad that my step dad was spending so much money that my mom had to hoard money elsewhere from him because he would use it all. Like I remember every week she pulled out 100 dollars when we grocery shopped. 50 went towards Kent and the other was hoarded. Her purse dumped one day and she looked like she’d been to the strip club and she was like fuck fuck shit shit don’t let Kent see help me.

@crystal.newman, I mean at this point he has no choice. I’ve been fed up for awhile, I don’t know why I ever tolerated any of this. He’s selfish by definition. He pays thousands to shoot one deer on some stupid hunt but wants to convince me to quit school so I can work full time to have been able to pay 2 months on my car note.. 400$. And I’ve snooped through his messages to see that he’s been planning to spend more money on hunting memberships and land, hunts to kill big deer. I mean how can someone have that as a priority and feel okay with themselves and allow their SO to suffer and try to guilt trip them into throwing their career down the drain bc they don’t want to bite the bullet and help.

@babyjjsmommy, you go girl!! But I genuinely hope that you don’t have to leave him and he straightens up. I still loved my ex after I left and finding that strength to say no I can’t go back. I won’t go back is hard but it can be done. If you wind up leaving shut out all the feelings and don’t let him effect you in anyway. I didn’t do this and I continued to be physically and verbally abused by someone who I thought I still loved and still loved me. Luckily my now husband and man I left my ex for was understanding and patient but only because my ex am I have a daughter together. But it didn’t make it okay that I still be around him.

@worlds.okayest.mom, @kadolphus27, @mamabear0416, @crystal.newman, you know honestly, that’s beginning to sound like my new plan of action. I hate to stay with someone and be miserable but if this is how it’s going to be and shit doesn’t change, that’s exactly what will happen once I get this degree. Everything has literally always depended on me getting my degree when it came to us getting a house or doing anything.. he’s never talked about him solely doing anything. the only reason we even moved out on our own was bc my grandparents own this super nice trailer and are renting it to us for cheap. Also, he’d have never done that if I wasn’t pregnant. So it’s like he does things he’s because he feels like he has to, not because he wants to. He makes decent money, brings home about 600$ a week after taxes and I know that he may not be able to afford everything that we need right now, as far as me a new vehicle, but he’s so negative and always has to try and look at the negative “what if’s” he can’t ever just have faith and know that something is going to work out. It’s exhausting. For instance, I got the job without them noticing I was pregnancy, I’ve done my initial paperwork and drug screen, and I’ve got to go in and do some more paperwork, get my badge, and parking pass, and then I have orientation the 2nd. So I’m pretty much hired! If they notice I am pregnant at orientation, I just don’t see them firing me on the spot, in fact I don’t think that’s even legal. Also,

If he’s lying about little things what big things is he lying about hmm? My husband and I never had a joint bank account until we got married. But my husband knew he was going to marry me and allowed me to know what’s going on in the bank account to an extent. I wasn’t allowed to know account numbers and what not and that’s because we didn’t have the solid foundation of marriage and a slight chance of me leaving. So he didn’t want to risk putting me on there and I leave and take all his money ya know? Another thing. NEVER EVER STAY TOGETHER FOR THE SAKE OF THE CHILD. You think that child doesn’t sense your stress and unhappiness? You think that child won’t hear the whispering arguments at night when you think they’re a sleep? Kids aren’t as stupid as some may think. A lot of people say oh they don’t know anything and you’re right they don’t understand why mommy is crying and daddy is being mean but they know they don’t like seeing it happen. I was dealing with this shit with my ex and it got to a point I left my ex for another man. Who so happened to have an engineering degree and was looking for love. My husband literally saved my life and I cannot thank him enough. I felt trapped too. But that’s how I got out. Yes I now owe my apartment complex 4,500 for breaking the lease and yes I got fired from my job. But now I’m a stay at home mom. That cares for my daughter, soon to be daughter, and my husband. We have a house we have plenty of money and life is perfect but don’t get me wrong the grass is greener on the other side but it took a whole of of manure to get it that way. I also think you shouldn’t get a joint bank account and I don’t think you should allow him any custody at the time your child is born. I made that mistake too. I wish I would of never put my ex on the paternity affidavit (which also is putting name on the birth certificate). But anyways this is just my advice and from pure experience. Really think about what you’re doing.

@worlds.okayest.mom True true! Make them pancakes until it's time to bounce.

@kadolphus27 I second this. If he's going to play that "it's our money but for my eyes only" you need to square up and do the same. Start hoarding money and explain you never have any. Save and save and save until it's time to roll.

Me, I'll just play the game until I finish school and then bounce when I have money lol

If he lying about stupid stuff most likely he's going to lie in the future. You want to put up with that for the rest your life? He should be supporting you thru school. Most females don't have their head on like you do. So he needs to bow down to you?! Sounds like he doesn't take you too serious. He need to stop being a little boy and man up by supporting you thru school. Good luck sweetie.

@babyjjsmommy exactly. So call him out and make it an ultimatum. If it's as much yours as his then it needs to be made that way. Even if it's just giving you his log in. And if he doesn't then you know where you stand and you need to make your decision knowing that it'll never be "our" money.

@mumstasin, exactly. And yet mine can blow money on ridiculous shit. Hobbies that aren’t necessities.

@worlds.okayest.mom, it’s happened several times. He always says it’s “our” everything. Especially about the money. But in reality it’s not. I don’t know if it’s just some control mechanism to try and keep me around by convincing me of things that are clearly not adding up. If t was our money I’d at least know where we stood financially but I’m always guessing so 🤷🏽‍♀️

@babyjjsmommy, I know. Mine complains about the same things yours does. Buying groceries buying baby clothes buying basic needs

Explain how much it hurt that you were lied to, but understand that he may be a private person about his finances. Hash out everything and don't walk away until the expectations are set.

@babyjjsmommy but that's why this conversation needs to happen. I totally get why it bothers you, but maybe his ideal relationship involves both people contributing financially. Or maybe he's just standoffish because you both aren't married and a lot is at stake. You don't know until it's brought up. Lying is never acceptable, but if in his mind it's "my money is my money" he probably feels he's being invaded and it was a defense. It's not an excuse, but a sign that this is going to be a huge rift in your relationship if it isn't tackled.

@worlds.okayest.mom, oh no, i don’t have access lol. I literally had no clue what was in his account until he showed me. He said he wanted to get an account together once I start working, but that bothers me in itself because it depends on me providing income... this is why I always question him about partnership, because this isn’t even close to a partnership if he can’t be straight up honest. And truly, I probably never would’ve known had other things not come up today and he said something.

If he's going to be the financial person, you as his partner should still have insight and security. I only have one credit card while my husband has 2, plus his debit card and all. However, at any point I am able to know what's in that account, where the money is going, when the bills are due, etc. A relationship requires full financial transparency if you're going to be depending on him as a breadwinner.

@babyjjsmommy I don't mean just that. It also means access to the finances. If he doesn't want you to have access to his accounts or knowing what he has, etc, that's a red flag. Finances as a whole need to be discussed.

@theinkedmommy, I don’t even know how at this point I feel trapped, and it’s fucking sad.

@mumstasin, I just truly don’t understand it, at all. 😔

@worlds.okayest.mom, right now he’s agreed to being in charge of all finances. I am in nursing school full time, but will be starting this job next month as a student nurse. After that, plan to trade my car in and pay the note/insurance.

Money has always been a issue in mine and my SO marriage. Unfortunately I wish I could tell you it gets better but it doesn’t. The man who is all about money stays like that. I don’t see myself with my SO for much longer either

I think you guys need to have a serious talk about finances. If they are to be completely separated, you need to outline who pays what bills and keep it that way. If he wants to keep them separated and his insurance lapses because he can't pay it or what not, he needs to accept that. But without black and white about who's in charge of what bills or what the finance set up is, it's going to be an ongoing issue.

@ashleyrod, yes it will!

@babyjjsmommy, but having a child together is a big thing. i’m guessing this will be his first kid?

@theinkedmommy, good question.

@ashleyrod, we’re not married or engaged, we live together and have a child on the way but that’s it.

why would he even lie about having money? are you guys married or just engaged:bf/gf?

his child is coming soon tho... so his whole lying thing needs to stop indefinitely