This is the worst Mothers Day since I became a mom. My children were ripped from me by my own family who about a year ago convinced me they wanted to be apart of the solution instead of part of the problem. I had been on my own an away from my mom since 14. I grew up not knowing how to have healthy relationships with just about everyone that comes in contact with me. I was quite shy and quiet after my dad passed. I never could make friends easy. My family is so dysfunctional and they have a click they've formed on my dads side which sent my mom packing 18 years into marriage. I was maybe 6 when she left almost 7. I never understood why she never showed up to visit me or why she said she was coming only to let me down by not showing up. Almost a year had gone by since I'd seen my mom. My Dad worked his ass off at a lumber mill and had thrown himself into practically living there after my mom left. One day he came to get me after his shift and I was bawling my eyes out...mom was a no show again.. My Dad sucked it up even though he was dead tired and took me out that night roller skating. That was our thing and we hadn't done it since the divorce. I had or have an older sister. Older by ten years and she was never nice to me because I was the the baby and spoiled and dotted on ....wasn't my fault...I still idealized her. She got into partying after the divorce and it seemed she was never home when she oils be she was arguing with my dad and snapping at me. I was lonely. The age difference didn't help our relationship at all. Anyway ! So my Dad took me Roller skating but we left a little early , he was not feeling good. I kind of pouted but felt bad on the way home. I could tell he wasn't himself. Something was wrong so I kept asking him over and over until he got frustrated and snapped at me he was fine and to Shut up! He never yelled at me like that. With hurt feelings I curled up underneath the dashboard of our little Datsun pick up truck and rested my head on the seat but watching my dad still as best I could in the dark. It was the weekend after Easter in 1988 on Hwy 20 in Skagit County. We lived out in the country and there were no overhead street lights, no guard rails like now, deer an elk crossings over the hwy and not very much traffic at all. Suddenly, about two miles from home, my Dad started jerking that little pick up all over the road. Before I could scream or think to be scared the truck started turning upside down and around again an again until we ended up in the very bottom of a cow pasture. We had went off an embankment, tumbled over and over again landing on the top side of the smashed cab of that truck. Another 1/4 mile we would have ended up in the Skagit River. Sometimes I hate god for not taking me with my Dad that night. It's hard to believe there's s god who would save a child who's life has been full of abuse and neglect.
I apologize if I jumped around too much but it feels good to share and get this off my chest. So about a year ago I had an injury at work that left me unable to do pretty much any job I've done or had school for besides being painful and a crippled single mom that was then put on workers comp which cut my wages in half. We were already broke so this was ridiculous and of course I had just moved us out in the middle of nowhere a few months before the injury so no help with anything. I ended up hooked on pain pills and so depressed I scared myself. All my energy was going into my daughter and she was having problems with bullies at the new school and I had to seek professional counseling for her because she did a complete 180 with her behavior. Anyway, I knew I had to get off the pills I was honest and they cut them out but the pain and withdrawal sent me seeking them illegally. I did that for two or two and a half months before I fell apart and on My girls counseling day I confessed to her counselor who didn't know what to do but directed me to an adult counseling in her office with a brand new lady who did not know me and know my mothering skills. That was a huge mistake because she called cps and made me sound like a complete nut job that was not capable of caring for my girls... I kind of flipped out and stormed out of her office. That's when things got real wacky... she called cps again and said I tore her office door off the hinges.... her office is in a brand new state of the art building with a very heavy door I could barely open with my knee like it was and the whole 130 pounds soaking weight I weighed then standing 5'7". The lady completely lied . Making cps bring Sherriffs with them to visit my clean home. I even had my cupboards stocked fridge too and a chore board and sticker chart on wall for the girls. They still took them and said to my youngest she'd be home after the weekend and that ended up being a lie to. After three placements and a year later cps and my family are asking for termination of rights. I was diagnosed with ptsd a cute social anxiety but my psychology exam with a parenting component said I'm forth right honest a good mother who has healthy boundaries and is protective of my children . But cps has so much power that's used to destroy our family that they are hell bent on termination . I have not seen my children since middle of March. They placed them with my very republican Trump supporting anti human services family that wants full adoption. I have no power like these people I have no money I have no support because they lied to me and moved my girls two counties and almost two hours one way away from me. I had my car stolen , I have no job and lost my L&I for missing an appointment and basically not giving a shit because there's so many road blocks everywhere I turn that I can't win against cps. Hell I can't even get my own family to support and love me. My girls are suffering Alivia is half Hispanic in an all white little country school where she is bullied again and then has to secretly whisper to my oldest daughter if she wants to talk about me because my family talks negatively and changed subject . For awhile they were spanking her and she was scared to ask to call me. She didn't want to make anyone mad at her. FOR ASKING TO CALL ME HER MOM?!?! How can cps let this happen? I thought they are suppose to make sure the placement is supportive of our relationship and close by the family home or at least in same county so I can see my child! The only solution to visits was to do weekend but cps said my family said no they go to church and do family things on weekends!! What about me?!?! And my girls relationship!!?! I'm so depressed after reading these recent court papers filled with lies. It makes me wonder how cps can publish this hear say to the courts and not even talk to me or get proof or hey how about an attorney for me?!?! I don't even have an attorney since last December and I try emailing cps supervisor several times no response an won't return my messages.... my family had been estranged from me and not in the picture for years so how do they know what kind of a house I ran or mother I am. I told them I was pregnant and my cousin said oh here we go again ...really.... I'm alone.