I know this is quite a lot but I really need advice....okay so this is what I'm struggling with my husband and I are…

Doesn't matter that it was before you. You guys are MARRIED and having an actual child together that is both of yours... Sorry if this is annoying but I am literally pissed for you even thinking about how someone could do that. Doesn't make a lick of sense.

To me that would have been a deal breaker. I don't know why anyone else would take even namely responsibility for someone else's child unless they are in the child's life full time as a father and have knowingly adopted the child. I would be hella mad about this, and it only makes sense if he still has some care about her feelings or something. It would make sense if you were not married, but he made a lifetime commitment to you and now your child.... He doesn't get to still have any of that other mess.

I'm sure she does want him back, if she has done nothing about it... but she is living in a fantasy land because he is married to you. I understand he could be attached thinking the kid was his all this time, but he needs to realize that he isn't his and get the fuck over it. UNLESS I was still attached to this girl, then as a man I would be pissed that she tricked me, but I would for sure get my name taken off the birth certificate and get the hell over it. It is heart breaking that her little boy doesn't have a father figure, but unless your husband is going to be that for another woman's child while he is married to you and parenting his own child (which sounds insanely wrong and complicated) then he needs to put his big boy pants on, deal with this situation, and move on with your marriage and your life together.

Him caring for the little boy is fine but that's no reason for him to have your last name and sure every little boy needs a father figure but aslong as his mom is being funny that can't happen, sadly I have no tips on how to bring this up to your husband I'm the worst at serious conversation I always get mad because things come out different from how I mean them

Ik if I was a man it would be hard 2 believe he's my boy then be like oh no he's not urs hers joe blow kid sorry uk that was a dirty game she played u don't play with ppl heart like that that boy lil boy uk

I totally agree @babymay2016 @brandylemonds15 @lil_bigmama with all three of you I think honestly she wants him back and wants him to play dad and I know my husband I know some part of him deep down inside going to always have a place for the little boy but at some point I think they both just need to be adults about the situation but it seems like I can never have this conversation without getting upset with him

It's not his right then go 2 social services & talk 2 the ppl at child support & get a DNA test done saying it's not his & ask 4 a name change that is the only way 4 him 2 get his name off in nc that is he has the right I think I'm not 100% but he needs 2 check it out if not she can take him 4 child support 2

I would definitely not be okay with that, especially if I was married. There is no reason that he should want to talk to her or be on his birth certificate if he is not with her or taking care of this child. They both really need to let go of that, especially since you both are married. I could understand if he was in the kids life or was helping her or cared about her and this child, but he is married to you and you are carrying his actual child. That's extremely upsetting. I would not be okay with that. I don't even know how he could make ANY type of excuse for that... If she doesn't change the kids last name, that is on her to explain to her child later in life of why she is so crazy to do that. But if it were me and you know 100% the child is not his, I would insist that he take his name of the birth certificate and cut off all contact with her. They have NO reason to speak to each other. I don't know why he would even allow himself to still be on it knowing that he isn't his father, and he is married to someone else... She sounds pretty crazy. That doesn't make sense at all.

Well in that case people can mind there own dang business, but I understand why your concerned , truthfully I think he should have it changed there's no reason for him to carry your husbands last name sounds like the girl thought if the little boy had your husbands name he wouldn't leave her and now she's using it as leverage

First response for you @brandylemonds15

I agree @babymay2016 but it's like I'm tried of it turning into the same agreement so I don't know what to do ??

Yea but I think it's wrong of her not to change it because it paints my husband in a bad light and makes him look like a dead beat cause he has his last name but he not around ....

I would definitely want him to take his name off the birth certificate if he is not the child's father... There is no reason why he or the kids mom should even want her kid to have his last name, if he is not his child and they are not together... I could understand if he had agreed to be in the child's life and take care of him, but if he isn't the father and isn't around, that's just weird.

If the Little boy isn't his and he isn't married to the woman he has no reason to carry your husbands last name but at the same time you have to consider the little boy depending on how old he is it could be very confusing his last name changing all of a sudden