Hello ladies....I have a very sensitive, touchy and difficult subject that I would like to discuss and would appreciate if we could nix the negative comments and judgement. Thank you. Ok so, here it goes....I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety about 8 years ago and have been on and off medication (lexapro for the last 2 years and it works for me). Well, whenever I found out that I was pregnant back on July 3rd I quit taking it and when I went in for my first baby Dr appt my ob said that it was good that I had stopped and they don't like pregnant women to take antidepressants at least in the first trimester. I am 19 weeks today and I would say for the last month or longer I have been feeling really depressed. Sad, alone, tired and unfortunately even (this is the worst of all) suicidal. Like I said, please don't judge me and I don't want much less need any negative comments. Don't get me wrong, I am happy and excited about the New baby and honestly that is what has kept me going but I still feel bad. Could I start my meds back up? Should I? I don't go back to the baby Dr till the 28th and I just can't wait till then to ask her...I've called and I'm waiting on a call back. Idk, there are several factors that are causing these feelings as in ppl running their mouths to my hubby and he's believing everything he's hearing before talking to me about it so we've been having some serious problems, my family disowned me a few years ago and I can't tell them about the baby or the fact that I have a man whom I've been with for the last 2 years (not that I even would, considering the last baby I had 2 years ago they have nothing to do with...don't even know her name or if she's a he or a she). There's soooooooo much more, too much to try and put in here. I just know that I've been depressed, sad, lonely, felt worthless etc....but I've never even so much as considered suicide. What is so wrong with me? why do I feel this way? is it pregnancy hormones or what? am I just crazy?