When you realize that you are done having babies… closing that chapter of the book

I have been thinking about this a lot and wanted to share it... that moment when you realize that you are done having babies and you are closing that chapter.

I think that coming to terms with the fact that you are done having babies is hard, whether this is after you have had one baby or 18 babies… realizing that this is your LAST baby is something to stop you, to make you think, to make you appreciate and miss what you had and have.

The last time that you felt that first flutter in your belly, the one that felt like tiny butterfly wings on the wall of your uterus.

The last time that our brood would put their hands on my belly and wait for their sibling to kick it away.

The last time that I watched my stomach move while our baby changed positions.

The last time that our baby, in my belly, would kick my husband’s back while I slept during the night (our babies are always so hyper at night).

The last time that I would be rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night.

The last time that I would be told to push or that I would say “I can do this without pain medication” only to cry half way through, telling my husband that it was such horrible pain and asking why did I wait so long to get an epidural.

The last time that I would feed a baby, while rubbing their soft baby head, that smells so good, and listen to their little breath and the noises they make as they swallowed each sip of milk.

Yes, the last baby is a hard chapter to close in the book of life.

I guess what it really means is that we are getting older. From the time that I was in elementary school, I can remember pretending to be pregnant (Pillow under my shirt). You spend so many years dreaming of those days… and they come and go so quickly!

Getting older for me means getting older for everyone else, too. No more first steps, or first hugs or first kisses. I won’t watch a baby cringe the first time when I put him in the tub.

We are moving into our 30s, adventures, laughs, real conversations with our kids, seeing their dreams become reality. I can watch their relationships grow and watch them bond, as more than bros and sisters but as friends…

While the thought of not being in the baby stage is sad for me, because I do love it, I am so excited for what's to come.

I can only imagine how much fun life will be as they keep growing and we can keep connecting with them in ways that we didn’t realize. it will be by listening to them, taking an interest in what they are interested in, learning from them while they learn from us.

So, I am ready to close that chapter…