I am a mommy of three, soon to be four. My children are 11, 7, 3 and 15 weeks in-utero. I'm adopted and I have a blended family, my two oldest are my bonus kids from my husband's previous relationship. I love them like my own and it scares me that they could go back to living in less than favorable ways with their bio mom. I try to live in the moment and count my blessings. I've been married to my husband for almost 4 years. We have our ups and downs and have survived some pretty crazy stuff. I ...

My breasts are two totally different sizes. One is massive and the other is just like meh, I work well enough, who's to say I gotta keep up the pace with ol' Bessy over there. 😜 Breastfeeding problems... I can only imagine what they'll look like after this is all done. They weren't quite right after my first nursed for 8 months! Lol Oh well.

What can I do to boost my supply? I think stress and exhaustion have it running low, plus not having pumped as much. I'm a single mommy to a newborn and a 3.5 year old. Baby doesn't seem as satisfied, though I know I'm probably just over analyzing it... I need to keep a freezer stash. I was getting a lot of milk when I pumped in the hospital; like 3-4oz (both breasts combined) in a 30 min pumping session. Now I am getting barely over an ounce. Please help! Thanks ladies. 💕

Heart is aching today. Keeping busy and productive. This too shall pass... Oh but to allow myself to feel the heartache... To cry. I called my mom and started crying on the phone and she quickly reprimanded me and said I can't cry. It just made me feel worse. 💔

Heartache is such a kaleidoscope of emotions. It's always evident when God puts us on a path for growth. The little cues he delivers that say "Hey you're doing the right thing, trust me, the Universe is unfolding your truth, pay attention, don't fear pain, but seek beauty and strength through me and remain grateful." It is both a blessing and a curse to feel things so very deeply. 😢

Just want to throw out some positive vibes really quick:

Bravery is often mistaken for weakness in the eyes of an abuser who wishes to control you. They may even try to make you feel as though you should feel pitiful in your effort to get away and the struggles you'll face in doing so. Following this, they may try to make you feel as though they can help you, though this is really an attempt to assume control. Don't allow it. STAY EMPOWERED, KNOW YOUR WORTH, AND YOU SET THE BOUNDARIES.

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Elliot has his circumcision at 11. I hate this part. All I can think about is how my first screamed bloody murder when they brought him to me after his circumcision. I feel guilty knowing he will be in pain afterwards, not to mention probably scared shitless during. The nurse just told me that they wrap their top half in a warm blanket and strap their legs down for the procedure... I feel even more disturbed knowing this is what he is going through. I'm torn over if this is truly the right thing...

Update: Elliot's sugars have been really good, his bilirubin levels are high though so he's on the UV light for photo therapy in the nursery, now. My milk is in, so I have been nursing and pumping. I really, really, really want him next to me. They are going to try to keep me here for as long as he has to be here since I live an hour away. I can't even begin to think about being away from him. It makes me want to panic. I had to fight to get my milk supply established bc of how my fast labor and...

Hey friends! Thank you all for the well wishes and kind words. Elliot and I are doing great! He's off of the cpap, IV and og tube. He's finally in my room and nursing well. 💕 He's so alert! How is everyone?

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4 hours of labor, 2 minutes of pushing and Elliot Lewis Schaubhut is here! 7lbs 15oz 20.5 inches long, born at 9:51am. 38weeks 2days. Unmedicated delivery.

He is in the neonatal unit now. Doc's not sure why, but he wasn't regulating his breathing and his blood sugar. They have him stable with an IV and a cpap machine helping him adjust. I'm pumping for him and they are feeding him through a tube until he's doing more on his own. They're waiting for more labs to come back as well. Our blood typ...