So, just throwing around ideas for my financial security once I am divorced.
Tell me if I am crazy. Husband owns a business that he started during our marriage while I was SAHM. Legally the business is a marital asset, however I don’t know what percent I am entitled to since my state is not 50/50. The business makes bank. Husband brings in anywhere between 30-50k a week. (Doesn’t pay himself that much but reinvests most back into the business). I have two choices. I can have him buy me out and pay me a chunk of money while he continues to grow the business and benefit from all the future gains while I don’t. Or I can ask to be made a partner in the business, take on a small role in running it (which I have no problem doing, he’s always discussed the business dealings and decisions with me so I already know what I need to know) and then continue to get a percentage of profits indefinitely as my own personal income, not some money he is just giving me. What would you do? I could potentially make $500k a year as a partner (or more over the years) or I can take a lump sum that’s going to be a lot smaller in the long run and have to start over with a career. Despite my husbands poor and selfish choices in our marriage, we actually work pretty well together when it comes to making business decisions and all that. And I really don’t want to give up all the years I’ve spent with him waiting and working for this level for success. So for that much money, would you stay business partners?
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If I were you, I’d be asking myself if I could handle being around him like that all the time after he cheated and chose the side chick over his wife and kids.
Me personally, I would take the lump settlement and start my own business while still collecting my monthly child support and alimony. That way you are creating your own nest egg while still being a hands on parent and he’s still taking care of his children.
Besides, he might decide he doesn’t want you as a partner and he’s going to want to settle. If he does say that, and you push to be partner for all that potential money, he might be resentful and then treat you worse than he already did.
Working and starting over again isn’t the end of the world if that means way less drama and you’re able to maintain some sanity. Kids are resilient and they adapt to new situations with supports, so if that means mommy goes to work and they go to school/daycare/after school programs but come home to a happy mommy, they will be just fine.
I’m a special needs mom who is a SAHM with a child on the spectrum helping my father raise my three siblings and business owner. If I didn’t have my husband, I would be just fine without him because I’ve never relied on his money like that, even as an SAHM. Every woman should have something going for themselves because you never know when your partner or spouse gonna do something to wreck the marriage or partnership and then what? Always make sure you have your own money…
Just a little food for thought…
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Talk with a lawyer but I'd do it if I could stand being around him any amount of time.
At the very LEAST, taking on a partnership role in the business short term would benefit me in that it would allow me to actually see into al the finances and true value of the business so I could negotiate a much more fair deal with a buy out.
@little_mommy_of_3 well that is a plus but I would definitely see what a lawyer has to say.
Since child and spousal support is involved and will need to be determined regardless, he’s going to have no choice but to reveal all of that financial information anyway. Definitely see more than one lawyer because they all have a different perspective. I saw 4 before I determined who was writing my pre nup!
I guess I can’t really make a decision until I know how much I could get if he were to buy me out
@massgirl I’m thinking wayy ahead here. I guess it takes my mind off the personal feelings things. That’s my probably unhealthy coping mechanism.. to ignore the feelings part of my head and focus on the facts and logic like a robot
@little_mommy_of_3 go see a therapist. I did it during my divorce because I had just given birth and wasn't in the right mind to be making any decisions for myself or daughter based on the lack or sleep and hormones alone.
Who is currently doing the role you are envisioning for yourself? If it is him or another employee I don’t see this working at all. If you are currently carrying out this role and you are both civil maybe it could work. I do not know any of your back history with the side chick and the fall out of your marriage etc.
I’m already in the role of consultant, he does everything else himself but part of our marriage fall out before the side chick is he literally is never home bc he has too much on his plate with the business
The fact is that his goal is to keep growing the business and he cannot do that without the help of someone he trusts. As mother to his children, knowing I won’t steal the money and disappear ( like ppl have in the past) is very valuable to him
@fairykarmamomma, I’m not worried what a new girlfriend thinks. That’s between him and whoever he dates. If he or I decided it was too complicated then he could buy me out at anytime. If my mental health suffers, then he can buy me out. I wouldn’t be trapped in the business. And chances are it would be worth a lot more in a year than it is now so I could negotiate and even bigger buyout
I would not go into business with him. It’ll be too messy and create more issues long term. If the support will be enough to stay home with your youngest until he’s in kindergarten then I would choose that route then move into a career of my own. He may not want to make you a partner in his business as it is and may want to buy you out then hire an employee to do whatever roles you’re envisioning that you’d do. It’d likely be cheaper for him in the long run. It’s best to cut all legal ties, including business ones.
@little_mommy_of_3, It sounds like you’ve already made up your mind then. Definitely consult with a lawyer. Also, consider the long-term potential for growth. There have been many businesses that thought they’d be around much longer than they were but due to unforeseen circumstances like new technology, a recession, etc. they became obsolete. Just something to factor in.
He wouldn’t hire someone outside of the “family” to manage the business. He would only hire someone he trusts like a brother. Bc the type of business he is in… there is a lot of money at stake. That’s why he hasn’t hired anyone yet.
@ekko, yeah that is definitely something to thing about. It’s possible the business gets shut down for whatever reason
Have you talked to a lawyer about any of this ...like previous poster I wouldn't go into business with him. It's just a recipe for disaster at this point. Take the lump sum and talk to a financial adviser about making it last and help you get back your independence.
I agree, there’s also the scenario that the new girlfriend might become serious and want the ex wife out of it too. The potential mess might be too much. Sometimes it’s just better to get as much as you can and cut your losses and start over. People get too focused on the money and forget the mental health component
@little_mommy_of_3 talk to a lawyer and maybe even a therapist before you make any decisions...my best advice is to do what they say.
Yes, please consider speaking to a therapist as well. This is a lot and sometimes we need help sorting it all out before making such huge decisions.
If I were you, I’d be asking myself if I could handle being around him like that all the time after he cheated and chose the side chick over his wife and kids.
Me personally, I would take the lump settlement and start my own business while still collecting my monthly child support and alimony. That way you are creating your own nest egg while still being a hands on parent and he’s still taking care of his children.
Besides, he might decide he doesn’t want you as a partner and he’s going to want to settle. If he does say that, and you push to be partner for all that potential money, he might be resentful and then treat you worse than he already did.
Working and starting over again isn’t the end of the world if that means way less drama and you’re able to maintain some sanity. Kids are resilient and they adapt to new situations with supports, so if that means mommy goes to work and they go to school/daycare/after school programs but come home to a happy mommy, they will be just fine.
I’m a special needs mom who is a SAHM with a child on the spectrum helping my father raise my three siblings and business owner. If I didn’t have my husband, I would be just fine without him because I’ve never relied on his money like that, even as an SAHM. Every woman should have something going for themselves because you never know when your partner or spouse gonna do something to wreck the marriage or partnership and then what? Always make sure you have your own money…
Just a little food for thought…
I agree in a normal situation, I’d expect to have to go back to work, get a small alimony and child support check. In this case, I can negotiate enough child support and alimony to continue to stay home at last until my baby starts kindergarten.
The thing is, it’s not “his money”. The business isn’t even “his”. While he might run it, it was started with marital funds and I have been there along the way advising decisions. It’s our business, so I don’t see this as a situation where I have nothing to fall back on as a SAHM. If he worked for someone else, then yes I’d be a lot worse off.
As for working along side him, I wouldn’t be in an office with him daily. I’d be working from home or making bank trips and picking up checks. If he wasn’t interested in keeping me as a business partner, then I wouldn’t push it. But he needs the help and he knows it bc he literally doesn’t even have time to sleep enough with all the business commitments he has and I am the only person he would ever trust to take over some of the responsibilities so it’s likely he would actually want me as a partner.
I have spent the past 7 years of our marriage sacrificing myself to take care of our kids 24/7 so he could take care of the business. I have put as much sweat equity into built this life as he has so it feels worth it to me to at least try to stay in the business. And if we try and it ends up being too hard, he can still buy me out at any point.
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Talk with a lawyer but I'd do it if I could stand being around him any amount of time.