i need big advice. i feel lost and nearly depressed. i think my situation is too complicated to solve but here goes. i…
i need big advice. i feel lost and nearly depressed. i think my situation is too complicated to solve but here goes.
i have 3 daughters from 2 other relationships. my current boyfriend has been wanting a child for the longest but i was resistant due to past failed relationships with my daughters. he has no children. NOW IM PREGNANT. im 6 months and unhappy. we got pregnant unexpectedly we were not even living together and still arent but not far from each other at all. my big problem is that i feel unattended to. he claims hes scared i feel like there isnt that much fear to not even give me some quality time or some intimacy and sex. he comes around for appointments and if i need something done but dont stay long. at this point i feel abandoned. wheres that i want a baby energy what happened. its my 1st boy and im not happy the way i thought i would be because hes not around the way he should be. and when i ask about what hes feeling i dont beleive he tells me the whole truth or he tells me what he thinks i wanna hear. he has no one to confide in and wont sit still long enough to have a real good heart to heart. its gotten so bad that i would text him talking really crazy saying things i dont mean but are far out of line so he could hurt too or an attempt to make him be around more. over said its over atleast 10 times i never mean it he lets me talk crazy cause he knows hes not doing right but its still not okay. i have no odea how to get through to him so we can get back to the good space we were in before i got pregnant. im dont know if i should let it go completely or keep trying. all i know im hurt and unhappy and something has to happen. #myfirstpost
Shay·
First, that's toxic to do while in a relationship. Whether he "deserves it", not doing right (whatever that means) or not.
He's allowed his feelings, as you are too, and he probably is scared and you shouldn't shoot that down. You have kids, he has none.
He's not obligated to have sex with you. If he's scared to do it, then you should respect that.
You need to sit down with him and have an actual conversation. No crazy talk, no I'm going to leave you because I'm 90% sure THAT is why he's scared. Stop doing this crazy talk shit.
Can't fix anything with open threats and crazy outlandish words. Only thing that will fix it is being civil and respecting the other person.
Charlyce Cherry··
Мама троих детей
maybe im too emotionally needy. But i need time....more than an hour or appointment time
Charlyce Cherry··
Мама троих детей
maybe idk how to handle it cause like i said i have other kids and even though it didnt work out the father was still there during the pregnancy. And i feel like hes treating me like a contagion
Shay··
just express your concerns to him. All You can do is hope he listens.
Melissa ·
Мама сына (3 года), беременна (40 нед.)
You probably don't want to hear this but he may not come around til baby comes and he sees that even though its scary and life changing it's totally doable.
Eta I don't agree with how he's been ignoring you either. Take him to the dr and ask the Dr to explain sex is perfectly safe. I know how crappy I would feel if my SO completely cut me off like that.
Melissa ··
Мама сына (3 года), беременна (40 нед.)
@mzcherry3000 Built for what?
Charlyce Cherry··
Мама троих детей
@divinely_favored waiting for him to get over his fears or waiting until the baby comes for him to get it together and actually be there
Melissa ··
Мама сына (3 года), беременна (40 нед.)
I think you should tell him that. Tell him he's gunna lose you if you mean it.
Jasmine·
Мама дочки (1 год), беременна (35 нед.)
I would suggest couples counseling. You’re having a baby and he may actually be afraid. A safe space to share both of your feelings would be important. There are things you could both work on together. The current way obviously isn’t working and seems toxic and stressful from both of you. Saying crazy things even though you don’t mean them is probably going to push him away, instead of pulling him closer. You two have to figure out how to communicate effectively, and how to both accommodate each other.
Charlyce Cherry··
Мама троих детей
I always feel like shit after saying some of the things i say....and wont text or call for a few days and also feel like im enabling him to keep avoiding me when i apologize and try to get him to talk to me. I dont like talking over text or calling its not the same as being face to face and i feel like hes avoiding that too. Like hes scared to be vulnerable with me. However i will attempt to get him to sit down with me and an unbiased 3rd party. Soon as i get over our recent argument and find the right time to do so.
Jasmine··
Мама дочки (1 год), беременна (35 нед.)
I would look into couple counselors in your area. Read reviews, figure out what your insurance would cover. Then when you approach him you can say that you found someone you think can help both of you grow and explain that you want to do this because you want to be a better life partner. If he feels like it’s to fix him he will be more hesitant. But I truly think it would help both of you tremendously.
Charlyce Cherry··
Мама троих детей
@jhalsted1995 thanks ill do that....i do know a few places that take my insurance and i did just realize that he enables my actions as well by saying its not my fault and things of that nature. I am definitely willing to accept and fix any and all of my faults and wrong doings
Charlyce Cherry·
Мама троих детей
You guys just made me cry....ive been trying to get it out but been too filled with anger and frustration to let it out. I feel like i can think a little clearer now. 😭 i appreciate all the feedback alot. Thank you 😘
Allyson Almeda·
Ok listen... what you need to do is just be patient. Saying "you're not built for that" is selfish. If he needs time you have to give him time. If he's being there for the pregnancy, even a little bit, he's putting in effort. He doesn't understand the whole thing and what there is to expect just like any first time dad... he has all the right to feel nervous. You need to apologize for all the crazy talk and stop threatening to leave, give the man a damn chance. You want things to be like they were before then have to act like you did before. Then you need to sit down with him and let HIM talk. Let him tell you how he feels and let him express his concerns to you. You have an advantage in the situation because you already have 2 kids which should make it that much easier for you to help him with his concerns and answer his questions and reassure him. You're too worried about yourself and how you feel and it's not fair to him. I think your concern is having 3 kids from 3 different fathers that aren't around and I understand that but if you were so worried about that then you shouldn't have let yourself get pregnant again until maybe you got married or something but shit happens I know. I'm not trying to be rude or mean, I'm just saying like it is. It's not just about you.
Charlyce Cherry··
Мама троих детей
I dont make it about me. And i already said when i ask him how he feels i feel like he tells me what he thinks i want to hear or isnt telling me what he really feels. Yes 3 fathers is my concern which is why i ALSO said i was against it and expressed that to him when he started bring the topic up and told him i didn't want anymore kids unless i was married....however that's clearly not how it turned out . Be as forward as you want im not easily pressed i know my situation and not ashamed. But if im telling him ...look i have three i know what im doing so you don't have to be as scared just keep me in the loop about what's on your mind .....and yet and still he shuts me out.....yes that is frustrating cause now i feel like you dont trust my advice or beleive i can help. I tell him when i have something on my chest. I know i cant force him to open up but hes also not letting it out to anyone else amd holding it in not getting any answers for himself dont help either one off us