opinions? I told Jeff I want to leave. He said that he doesn't love me and I feel the same way about him. However when I…

Thank you all. I'm just going to prepare really well. Last time he did hold our stuff hostage and the police wouldn't come for a stand by. I called them three separate occasions and every time I was pushed to the bottom of the list and waited over two hours before giving up. I know there is a right and a wrong way to do this.

He cant hold your child's belongings. Either taken them and leave while he is not home or get the police involved. They will force him to give you your child's belongings as well as yours. You arent married so you have sole custody. He has no legal rights to those belongings.

Because he's not a horrible person. He's flawed and our relationship has run its course.

He's also abusive so I don't really see why you expect him to be fair.

I will get the apartment and get the utilities turned on. When I leave I will give him time to get them transferred so he's not without electricity or heat.

I can understand that but I would do it for him. I wouldn't put him out on the street. He's my sons father. We've been together four years. I work to help support us and help with the house work. He doesn't love me either. Instead of giving me time to get a roof he wants to put me out like I've invested nothing to the home we've made together. I just don't think that's right.

I don't think you should've told him you want to leave without the means to actually do it. That seems irrational and rash, considering his past abusive behavior. If it's safe for you to do so, try to make nice and begin saving. Buy from the dollar store, for you and your son you only need two of anything (cups, plates, towels, etc) go to consignment shops, garage sales, goodwill, etc for his clothes. When you do decide to leave, take everything when he's gone. Get a back up car seat if you need to, between $45-60 at Walmart. Do it smartly, with a plan in place

Start cutting back what you're spending on groceries to help save more, like buy off brand and look up cheap meals.

Like others have said, start moving stuff that you know he won't miss a little at a time, even if it's just putting it in your trunk.

When you do leave, do it on a day when he is at work and recruit friends to help you move things quickly.

If the bills are in your name, make sure you call in advance and tell then that on x day you're moving and they will need to be put I'm someone else's name that way if he doesn't pay after you leave, you don't owe anything.

That is not a safe environment for you or your son. Maybe you might have to go to a domestic violence shelter if your friend won't let you stay for to long. No one deserves to be treated that way. He's taking advantage of your situation and that is not right. Please be safe and get out of the home as quick as you can you are human and deserve respect. You don't want your son growing up thinking it's OK to treat women like his dad.

We are not married and its his house. I had my own place. We had been broken up for a few months. I got pregnant. He moved to Pueblo into my apartment. I left him a few months after our son was born. He bought a house when we got back together. We've tried to make it work. He can be violent and aggressive. We just don't love each other.

He is convinced if I leave him I'll go back to drugs but I think I can do it. I was doing fine by myself but I got lonely. I want to stop thinking I need him because he does not treat me well at all. I'm almost 26. He will be forty. We haven't had sex since getting pregnant. The intimacy is gone. The trust is gone. Add to that the domestic violence and I'm just done.

I don't have experience of this, but you are not wrong for coming up with a plan, home and money behind his back. I was going to suggest what others said, stash stuff somewhere in dribs and drabs, build up a supply of essentials. A storage locker will be good for this, you can get a small room for a very good rate if you shop around ? good luck OP, be strong.

Are you legally married? Are you on the mortgage?

Stash as much as you can ahead of time with someone you trust or a storage unit.

Do a one day moving blitz when your ready to go while he's at work. Figure in a moving truck and company into your budget if you don't have friends available. Don't give him the chance to hold stuff ransom.

You tried to do things the nice way and he made that impossible. Do what you need to do to take care of you and your children.

I can try that. Good suggestions ladies. I do feel ashamed that my life has come to this. I know I deserve to be happy and so does he.

Like pp said can you sneak things of your sons out little by little? Just stuff you know you will need him to have that your exso will hold from you?

He's past abusive but I think I can avoid arguments. I'll just have to bite my tongue. A lot. I'm also making a budget. I'm an impulsive spender so all this is helping me to learn self control.

All my family is another city. I do have a friend who could take some stuff for me. That's a good idea. I also work full time. I've decided to cut out any spending that's not necessary

I'm not going to say much but if you have family or friends you can stay with it will be better for you and your son if he's controlling that's border line abusive. Just stack money the best way you can make a savings account or something. I know you will do whatever is best for you and your son in the end.

Do you not have any family that you could stay with?

Are you able to slowly sneak some things out and store them somewhere? A few pairs of shoes, some pants, a few utensils, a few hygiene items. Just enough things that should go hopefully unnoticed? Then less to buy later?

I was working at the time and had a steady income coming in, so I really only needed enough to get me going. I also bought things here and there on sale and stored them at my mother's place. Things like towels, cutlery, etc.

The issue for me was the city I live in we have to pay first months rent plus a damage deposit and it isn't cheap to rent here so i needed at least 2000 for that. If your rent is only $500, $3000 would be a good place to start, especially if you think you'll have to replace clothes.

I think 2 or 3k would be enough for a start. If your rent is only 500, you can make the rest stretch everything else.

He's very controlling and manipulative. I left him before but I was rash about it and didn't have enough money. I know he will try to stop me from taking a lot of our sons things. Last time he was holding the carseat over my head and wouldn't give me most of los clothes. I know I'll need enough for rent and deposit and utilities.

I also want to have enough cash for furniture, simple appliances and most importantly clothes and shoes and diapers for lo. Do you ladies think 2 or 3 k would be enough if rent is 500

Oh and I'll add, it also gave me a lot of time to sort through all the things we did have and make sure I got everything that was sentimental to me.

As long is it is not a dangerous situation I see nothing wrong with staying until you have saved enough and have a proper plan in place. As in finding your own apartment, transportation or whatever is the case and setting up child support and government aid help if necessary. If he's unwilling to help and wants to manipulate then you can do him one better.

Others will likely disagree but I see nothing wrong with "pulling one over" on a man that's not willing to do what's necessary to help the mother of his children.

Do whatever you need to do to feel happy/secure.

But if you think you will be pressured into sex or be in an all around bad situation it might be best to just go.

Good luck

I did exactly this. My ex was the same way, didn't want me but didn't want me to go. I played nice for 6 months and saved enough money to move out and not be destitute. It was much easier to leave emotionally when I had some money in the bank and a place to go, i felt more confident about what i was doing.

I found an apartment, bought some furniture and then told him I was leaving. There was only a few days between me saying I was leaving and the day I actually left. I didn't like being so cold about it but it was the only way I could do it. Even then, there was a bunch of stuff he wouldn't let me take so I was glad that I had some money to replace those items.