Rant
My SO has been rude a lot ever since I've gotten pregnant...he said he doesn't care about my pregnancy, he doesn't even take one day off from work just ONE to come to at least one ultra sound appointment. I mean he's always making sure I'm fed, he lets use the heating pad, and even apologized to saying he doesn't care. He can mess with me all day but when I want to join and play around he gives me an attitude. He just makes me feel like s*** at times. He's a great fiancé don't get me wrong, but he can really get on my nerves and makes me upset to the point I go to bed earlier than him and cry until I fall asleep. Idk if it's the hormones or something/: I try to be a great fiancé. But I always seem to fail /:
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Some of these comments are really rude and I'm shocked that you would be so unsupportive!
You don't have to be jerks about it :/ it's nobody's business how young she is or her relationship status. She is simply ranting about a problem she has and needs support.
Is there anyone you can talk to about this that won't judge you hun? Any family members or close friends you can talk to? It's not ok for him to talk to you like this regardless of your age or how he is feeling or anything. Nobody should make you feel like this. Are you living alone or with parents? If you're living with parents maybe ask them for some advice? Xx
No offense, but 16 is very young to be engaged AND having a baby. It's alot on anyone but age does equal more maturity at 16 you've barely had time to really experience much at all. I had my first kiddo at 25 and I was still overwhelmed. That being said, it sounds like both of you are a bit immature. The way you've worded things is a bit odd.. I'm not sure you're aware but him letting you use a heating pad? Making sure you're fed? Those are odd ways to word those two statements. I'm not saying because you're young you guys are bad parents or can't make it work but it's going to be much much harder and require alot more patience, time and energy. Definetly sit down and talk about all of it. Your finance is immature but so are you. And they aren't necessarily character flaws.. you guys just aren't old enough to have that time to mature yet. It will come.
sounds like you both got a lot on your plate. he got responsibilities he is thinking about and that may be weighing him down. i honestly say in my personal opinion AGE IS NOTHING BUT A NUMBER AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT..... because i have met some young teen moms and can handle pressure and troubles better than half of these old heads up in here.... try talking to him without attacking or coming at him. that can only start things off wrong. i was 17 when i moved in with my fiance he was 19.. NOBODY IS PERFECT... so what your fiance is great but he also got flaws that can be worked on big whoop. you got women up in here that instead of trying to work things out are quick to call it over GET DIVORCE && ask if its fair if the father can see the kids. they need to grow up grown ass women... any who try talking and not stressing baby feels all of it.
She's said multiple he's a decent guy, he's just been rude.
My husband has been rude. Just noone freaks the heļl out cause I'm not 16.
I'm almost certain if I were to make this exact post and say I'm 25 everyone would support me and say their husbands have also been jerks at times.
...but NO. She's 16.
Let's repeatedly tell her she's 16 and immature instead of even TRYING to be a LITTLE helpful.
Just letting you know I'm graduating this year with high honors, going to college next year, and I get free daycare from a family friend. So no I'm not devoting everything to my fiancé. I'm actually devoting my time with school, my child, and also my career. I am a certified assistant teacher for a preschool or child care program, due to taking a college class called early childhood development. But I'm glad you're looking out for me, o really am. I understand your opinion and I'll gladly take it like an adult and may use it for future reference☺️ no sarcasm intended I promise. I genuinely am happy that you're looking out for me(:
Of course there is a big difference in a fiancé and a boyfriend. Just because she's already pregnant doesn't mean she shouldn't focus on school and her baby. No 16 yr old needs to be that devoted to a guy pregnant or not. They should both be focusing on the baby that is about to be here.
And op I just read that your thinking of taking a break for a few weeks, I agree that it might be what you both need to clear your heads..../
Also if you are wanting to stay with him, I think you both should do couples therapy... It'll work on your communication issues, and help work out others as well.
If he won't then is leave for sure, it shows he has no desire to work on this or himself, a relationship that's two people both giving 100%...
Him refusing to go is a clear sign he's not in this or willing to make it work.
And your answer.
But if he's willing to go then that's a great thing and there might be hope for the two of you, as long as he's in it 100% and not just going through the motions..
You're both very young and unfortunately it does play a huge roll. With age comes maturity & wisdom.
You need to find a way that you can both communicate with each other effectively.
Having a baby is stressful even for someone like me in my mid 30's. Learning how to communicate with each other now, will set a sturdy foundation in your relationship with each other and your child.
See if there are young parents classes or relationship or guidance counsellors that you can use.
First of all you need to accept what is broken to be able to fix it. I'm not sure if you want to acknowledge that yet.
Good luck
Genuinely curios how at 16 anyone can have a fiancé? If my 16 yr old was pregnant her only bf would be school. Fiance is a strong word. I would make sure my daughter focused on herself and soon to be baby so she could have a career and be independent. We only know what you have told us and he doesn't sound like prince charming. I'm not saying throw him away but focus on yourself and the baby. Your entire life is about to change
And for all the people bashing her when she's asking for help pls stop....
This isn't right shes 16 and asking for help....
Some of you are acting like your 12 picking on a kid at recess...
Come on!!!
Show your age!!!
She's 16 and acting more mature then you?
By not biting and stooping to some of your level...
If you can't act with a shred of empathy or compassion I suggest you pls keep your mouth shut...
Thank you
Op.....?
Most of the women here are just worried and trying to help...
With age comes experience and a lot of the women here said they have been in the exact relationship as you, they're only trying to prevent the pain and suffering they themselves had gone through.....
We are only looking out for you an your baby's well being.
It sounds like you are such a good hearted young lady, I really like you and I hope it all goes well here.... I think your letting your heart blind you.. If you were looking at this through your minds eye I think you'd see what we all are seeing.
There are a few concerning things in your post that are red flags and we are all confirmed for you. I really don't like that he trough you into the snow pregnant, and a lot of other things that have me concerned...
Just keep in mind that your child will be learning from the two of you what love is and what's acceptable in a relationship.
Pls be careful and try to take your heart out of this and pls use your mind...
If you have a baby girl, and she grew up and got pregnant,and her boyfriend was treating her exactly like your bf is treating you, would you want her to stay with him?
Would you want her to think that that's how a man in love treats the mother of his child?? That it's just what men do?? And it's perfectly okay??
And if you had a boy, do you want him growing up to treat his pregnant gf like that?? Thinking that's what real men do?? That it's perfectly normal?? To make his pregnant gf feel the way you do???
Because if you stay in this relationship and if things don't DRASTICALLY change that's exactly what that will think and feel... Not to mention the damage it'll do to them to see there mama treated that way and cry herself to sleep.
Sorry I just really feel for you and your baby, I'm worried and I hope I didn't hurt your feelings.
Pls don't feel attacked ?
Lots of love❤️❤️
If you need someone to talk to you can pm me...
I wasn't trying to make it all about him being there more than my father...I don't want to get in about my father...that's a different story...
@sour I wasn't going on about the whole argument with the others...but I just know you've been real nasty to me before☺️
Baby, don't try to team with all the other girls. It won't make them like you any better. Your age is showing. I wasn't rude to you at all. You must have seen the drama unfold the other day that had nothing to do with you. But you're so desperate to be liked on here you think if you jump in they will accept you.
This isn't high school love, doesn't work like that.
@troub I never knew that...ill talk to my therapist about that..thank you..☺️
@sour you changed your name to go with your attitude (:
You wonder why some of the women on here have problems with you...
One, this is not a pity party..if I wanted a pity party I'd say it..this is named rant isn't it? Not pity party...so go somewhere with your SOUR attitude..thank you..☺️
Well that's just it. U are both immature (not being rude but at your age u are immature). I'm sorry he's treating u like this and things need to change real quick because now there's a baby involved. There's a lot of growing up to do on both ends here. Babies really make relationships much harder and at your age it's gonna be really hard. Just know your worth. If he's treating u this way now (u said its because he was stressed) well the stress has not even begun. Having a baby is stressful even in the most stable wonderful relationships. Good luck op u have a long hard road ahead
I feel like you wrote your post...didn't get the "omg OP I'm so sorry blah blah" you were looking for.
So you resorted to defending the guy that YOU made look as bad as everyone is seeing him, realized that didn't work.
So now you're throwing a pity party (albeit a small one).
This seems all too familiar with you.
Sounds mean, but I'm just being straight up with you. Maybe he is distancing himself, you're both kids and he may be panicked. Although his reasons, you shouldn't allow anyone to treat you any less than wonderful. Father of your child or not maybe you should just walk away for a bit and let things settle.
He's just too playful at times...and when I say no or stop he won't listen...like when he keeps he hasn't touched me inappropriately nor physically hurt me...he's just too playful and immature...
Really ladies? Instead of you targeting her and making her feel even more like s*** ...oh and f*** ing stupid, be a damn woman and give the little girl some freaking support/advice.
#1. You need to do what you need to do to be happy for you and your unborn child.
#2. I'm proud that you're seeing a therapist, (some of these ladies think their one)
#3. Keep seeing your therapist, make YOU a better you for the sake of your baby.
#4. You're young, you'll learn along the way how to pick and chose what goes on in your life. Take control mama, you're not as weak as some of these ladies make you out to be.
#5. Keep your head up, you're going to be fine. Not every relationship end like a friggen fairy tale.
Oh no...my parents didn't plan anything...I just might have a bad reaction to BC...my sister did and they're scared I will too...but my parents wouldn't ever plan me being pregnant now...they support my decisions...I think it could be my attitudes too at time that he can become a jerk...
Your both already stressed out and because of stress his treating you badly. When you have a newborn it's even more stressful, how will he treat you then? I get that he annoys you at times but screaming and shouting won't fix it you both need to communicate and explain when to draw a line. Your still really young and have alot to learn and see in life.
Sammie. J. All. Day. ??????
Op, I'm sure on some level you already know that a baby will bring new challenges and joys, troubles, sleepless nights, pains and exciting new growths. It is hard to do with an amazing partner and with financial and physical security. It will be hard without those things, too.
If you can, remember that when baby gets her, they will be your main priority. If you can, imagine that baby is your main priority right now. Is this the best living situation for baby? Is it a healthy relationship that nourishes and fulfills you? Is he going to be trustworthy and safe for baby? Because this baby's life literally depends on it.
If you can, please try to secure a healthy, secure living situation *regardless* of your relationship with him. It needs to be safe, warm, secure, and safe (yes, I'm saying it twice).
Moms on here have had kids at your age and rocked it. You can too.
I actually am seeing a therapist... I can't be on meds due to being pregnant....but I will make that list....I really think he and I need to have a breather for a week or two....
Maddison, my husband and I got together when we were 16. He was an a****** (immature, rude, some of the same stuff you said), I was naive. We broke up several times before we hit 20, and from there it was learning to grow up and grow up together. It was a very hard road, if we had had a kid then we wouldn't be together now. We both matured and at 26 we had our first dd and it's still a learning experience.
You don't have that luxury of time now. Your kid is going to see him treating you like that and think it's acceptable. I'm glad you're willing to work on it but you need to be realistic. Talk is one thing but if his actions aren't changing then you need to find the strength to do something about it for your baby. Give him a chance but don't be naive.
And just because you've been with him for a long time doesn't mean you should stay. I was with my baby's father for 2 years and he was mentally abusive and manipulative the whole time. What finally gave me the strength to leave was my DD because there was no way I would let him treat her the way he treated me. I hope your LO gives you the same strength to walk away if that's what needs to be done...
And I wasn't calling any of you jerks btw...it's just I think him and I need a long talk...and maybe even a break for a week or two...clear our minds and think...
Okay, I'm going to say this as kindly as I can but it's not going to sound nice. You are both at an age where you're constantly changing - from likes and dislikes to morals to politics to money to whatever - your life will be chaotic because that's what it is when you're young. You're adding a baby to that mix - it happens but please be very realistic.
There are things you NEED to address now. Your relationship with men - your bf may not be trying to be a jerk but he is and you're internalizing it. Instead of saying 'he's wrong', you're saying 'I must be wrong'. Hon, that is not healthy for a relationship and you need this mentality to end with you. You don't want to pass it on to your child. You seem to have a rocky relationship with your dad too. That can cause some issues with dating and what you're looking for, what's normal etc. Are you seeing a therapist now? If not, I urge you to go asap! Don't put it off. Speaking from experience, you need to learn to combat this pattern of thought quickly!!
Second, your relationship with your bf is rocky. He doesn't mean to hurt you but he's acting like an insensitive clod and 1 negative sentence isn't fixed with 10 positives. Negativity sticks and it is like a slap in the face. It hurts. You and he may not be able to effectively communicate. I mean, at 16, I couldn't communicate my feelings half as well as now at 29. It wasn't because I was young and dumb - it takes practice and practice takes time. You and he need to learn to communicate effectively if this relationship is going to work. If you can't - and there's a possibility you won't be able to - it's time to let go.
He may not be ready to settle down yet. He could be intentionally keeping you at an arms length by being mean so he has an excuse to not visit or not come to an appointment. It's a very immature way to handle things but it happens a LOT.
I'm going to ask you to do something. I want you to think of your child being 16 years old. They bring home their boyfriend/girlfriend. What qualities do you want to see in this person? What qualities do you NOT want to see? How do you want to see your baby (because that kid will always be your baby) treated? What is an absolute deal-breaker?
Write it out. Take some time and think about it. Once your done, ask yourself where your bf falls on this list? If he's in the good quality list, try. If he's not, it's time to recognize that a good father can't always be a good partner and you are showing your child by example what they are to be and what to look for in a partner.
Good luck, OP.
Take it from someone who's been in your shoes... If he doesn't care about this pregnancy or you now he never will and chances are he won't care about the baby either. Yes, sometimes they change, but that's a lot rarer than you think. And if he does change then great! He could be a great father! But that doesn't mean he would be a good boyfriend. You should never stay with someone who makes you feel like crap. You're supposed to build each other up not tear each other down. And from my experience, if he treats women that way when he's your age he will still treat them that way when he's older. Like I said, not always the case. Just usually.
@ehenzon I know you women aren't attacking me and only looking out for me and thank you ladies for doing so...I mean who isn't a jerk at times?...you ladies may be like "16, pregnant, and engaged!! This girl is coco!" Lol but I've known him since I was 11...we used condoms (lambskin) and since I'm basically allergic to some medications that result ER...so my parents said no to BC due to making sure I don't have an allergic reaction...and we've been together for 2yrs and 4months...I just do not want to throw away our relationship...
He sounds emotionally abusive and mentally unstable... RUN.. now!! It will just get worse and more frequent with the stress of a child and do u really want him treating your child that way?? In a lovingly unstable environment? Sometimes keeping a family together is best and sometimes it's just not.
I told him after dinner him and I are going to talk privately...he has a roommate...I just want all our differences put aside and instead of complaining about he acts and he should change, I want his input also so we can get over this bump....
Op I can understand you completely. When me and dh were dating he was kind of a jerk.. I stayed cuz I was young. Everyone said I was stupid for sticking with him because we fought A LOT and while this doesn't happen to everyone my husband changed for the better and he is an amazing husband now. I know you want to fix things but also be smart about things :) we are all here just looking out for you, believe it or not.
How old is he? Please quit making excuses for him. It's not okay that he makes you feel worthless and cry yourself to sleep. You don't drive (saw that in one of your posts) and you don't have a stable living arrangement for when baby arrives, it sounds like you are relying on him and that's why you are making excuses for him. He seems very unconcerned and uncaring. He threw you in the snow, knowing you are pregnant. My SO wouldn't even throw a snowball at me yesterday bc he was afraid he'd hurt me or hit my belly. Please don't make excuses for his behavior
I was told by my OB I can use it as long as it's not to hot..I have it on 1...it doesn't effect core temp...I'm not trying to defend him...I'm just trying not to be irrational....I'm just trying to make our relationship work instead of letting it crumble...maybe him and I need to grow up...he's 19...I'm not trying to say he's a bad SO I'm just saying he can very hurtful at times....I'd rather not break up when we can fix it together...
I think I'm going to sit him down and tell him what needs to be done...I don't want my child acting out because SO doesn't want to stop being immature...I try not to be immature but I do have my moments... But I do not lose my cool a lot...i just hope him and I can come up not to do these things that bother me...and I know I do certain things to piss him off and I want to know what does or doesn't bother him....
Age generally = life experience. The younger you are the less of it you have. You are taking the blame for his actions. It says so right in your original post. You have a major uphill battle ahead of you, don't make it harder on yourself. There is a baby on the way and you are its main example.
Just because he does a lot for you doesn't make it okay to treat you bad and tell you things like he doesn't care about your pregnancy etc..
And I'm sorry but your comment about him doing more for you than your dad? I know your young sweetheart but your carrying his child it's kind of his duty to do that not an option at this point.
Try to talk to him about it but, if it continues I would suggest taking a break. Its not good to get stressed to the point of yelling, especially while pregnant. Good luck.
I don't live with him...I live with my father...and I mean actually cracking and actually say some rude things to him...my cousin is taking custody of me...he has apologized for saying he didn't care and I know he does care...it's just words always get to me...and trust me, we're not getting married anytime soon...I know he loves me and I know he cares but sometimes he doesn't show it....
Being 16 has a LOT to do with it. I moved in with my DH the day I turned 17, and WOW what a nightmare it was. We were definitely not ready for that, for my situation (I didn't come from a great home) it was what was best for me but it was so incredibly hard. We weren't mature enough for that kind of commitment, I mean it worked out for us because we worked together and made it work. I'm definitely not knocking your age but being that young and in the situation you've got yourself in is rough.
In all honesty I think I'm being a hormonal batch...he pays more attention to me than my own father....he's really all I have...I mean he does a lot...I think he's scared...he said he's under a lot of stress and I completely understand...working, pay rent for his apartment, utilities, and food is a lot...he said he's scared we won't have enough money for the baby....but he got a lot more hours at work because he told his boss we're having a baby...I just think he thinks he's going to fail as a father....
Just cause I'm 16 doesn't mean anything.....it's just he does a lot for me but at times I feel like I'm at my breaking point when he does certain things.
I know it's jumbled and it doesn't make since but I needed to vent about it. I wish I could just explain all together. He's great but sometimes he just puts me down. But he's so childish. He doesn't know the word stop or no. I ask him to stop doing certain things and he won't. It really makes me so upset where I just scream at him to effing stop. It's just getting real old real quick. I'm honestly thinking he's doing all this on purpose just so one day I actually crack and freak out on him.
Was he acting like this before your pregnancy? If not then it's just his hormones too because the father's do be hormonal just like we do. I would say just talk to him and let him know that he's going thru the same effect as you are, and give him a little time he'll a snap out of it. Just be patient with him and let him know he needs to be patient with you as well. Good luck and I hope this helps y'all.
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Good for you op about being responsible about your education! I'm sorry your fiancé is being a douche but hopefully you can both communicate well enough to move forward together. It takes teamwork to develop a solid relationship. Hope it works out for you