So I've been thinking about this for a while. Definitely more so after the last chemo treatment and after the email from my doctor with all my questions answered, I believe I have came to a decision. As hard as this is for me to say I've decided no more treatment. With as hard this last round was on me mentally and physically I can't do it. I asked my Dr. What my outcome look like if I continue treatment and he said 6 months with how my body is handling everything. So I asked what does it look like if I stop treatment? 3 to 6 months Maybe. So with that not being that big of a help I need to start focusing on quality of time instead of quantity. I can't take hearing my little girl cry after my treatment because she just wants her mommy. But Mommy is just too tired and sick. I need to try to make positive memories stick in her little head. I felt like I was giving up before I got the answers for my Dr but now I feel like this is the right decision. I would do anything to be able to change this outcome but I can't. I'll be doing everything in my power so that my babies know I love them with all my soul. I've already got them a couple of Hallmark recordable books. I've already started pre-buying birthday cards. And I need to crack down on making the videos for the big life moments. But every time I try to start I end up sobbing uncontrollably. Holy crap if I could drive I would be at daycare right now getting my babies cuz I can sure use their love right now.
This is hard to read and uplifting at the same time. Take a lot of pictures, and print them, even if it's not one of your good days. Your kids will remember you were strong and always smiled through you're storm. Cry in the videos anyway, you're human and you hurt, and then finish the videos, your children will learn that they too can press through tears to accomplish goals. There's so much they are going to learn from you in these times :) I wish you peace and joy.
Yay for summer vacation :) a few good months for a few good things
Your post had me in tears and my heart aches for you hun. I couldn't imagine how hard it was to make that desicion. But I can say as a child I lost my father to cancer well before his time. He chose to not go threw another round due to the fact it had spread and there was no stopping it only prolonging. He spent his last 6 month's feeling better than we had seen him in 2 yrs. He made a bucket list and in that time we completed almost all of it. He passed 2 day before Christmas we all got the gifts he had got for everyone that year. I am 30 yr old now and I still have the teddy bear with his voice message to me and the necklace and ring set he bought for me to get for my graduation. No one will ever replace him. I am grateful that we got to spend his last yr with him feeling good and funding peace and happiness over him being very ill and tired and feeling angry. It made for wonderful memories. I will keep you, your children and family in my prayers. Enjoy your time with your children. I think what your doing is brave and selfless. God bless you hun.
My heart goes out to you for being so brave can’t help but cry I can’t imagine how hard of a decision it is 😭😭
You are a beautiful inspiration. I admire your strength and resolve so much. You have handled this whole situation with such grace. Sending you my love and support ❤
Kit- I've followed your story, and every time I have typed out a comment but end up deleting it. You are always on my mind. And my heart truly breaks for you and your babies! I hope you find comfort, and I hope you enjoy your life to the fullest! Wish I could find the right words, but in this situation it is hard too. 😔
I've been following you on BB and here. I didn't ever comment because I didn't even know what to say. But I can imagine that this decision wasn't easy but if it feels right, Then it is. Your family and you are in my thoughts. Lots of hugs and love 💙💙
I have no words. You are strong and wonderful. Your baby girl will remember you always and remember the good, special times she's had. I'm so sorry there, mama, this probably wasn't an easy decision
Oh my goodness 😢 I have no words, just great admiration. Big hugs and many prayers for you and you’re entire family 💗
You are the strongest woman I have ever known. And now I’m crying. I couldn’t imagine being in your shoes. Stay strong for your children. You are an inspiration.
This is heartbreaking for me to read this. I know it might of been a hard decision for you to decide but you only know what is best for you. I think that is a great idea for you to record moments of journey for your babies one day they will know why you did this. My prayers are with you and your family ❤️💞💜
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I’ve been following your journey, but haven’t commented. I’ve never known what to say. You’re making the decision that it best for your children & I admire you so much for that. I will continue to keep your & you babies in my thoughts. 💕
Reading this breaks my heart! You are making the right thing and your babies will appreciate having happy memories with mommy instead of seeing their mom sick.
Your kids are very lucky to have such a brave, strong mother!
I can not even begin to describe how my heart is breaking for you and your family. What an incredibly difficult and painful decision to make, but I agree, quality over quantity. You are in my prayers, I am so sorry you’re going through this.
My heart breaks for you and your children. I’m in tears reading this. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. You’re an amazing mama. Big hugs.
My heart goes out to you. I just cried reading this.
I really do not know what to say but love each and every minute as much as you can.
💖💖💖💖💖💖
You and your family are in my prayers
Oh my! Sending you an abundance of virtual hugs mama. Make and do all those things you’ve mentioned. We’re all here with you💕
I am so sorry. You are an amazing mama and I’m sure your kids will have great memories and will cherish what you are saving for them. ❤️❤️❤️
I can't imagine having to make a decision like this😭😭😭. I'm crying reading this💔💔💔. Such a strong brave mama!
Hun I'm so sorry. Even though their time with you is shortened..your kids are so very lucky to have such a strong and wonderful mother ❤
I want to give you the biggest hug right now. You are an amazing woman 💞💞💞
Firstly I would like to say I'm so terribly sorry you have to make such a decision. My heart absolutely breaks for you. Thank you for sharing with everyone. I hope your time spent is filled with amazing memories and moments with your babies. Sending so much love to you and your family. ❤
You truly are a remarkable woman. You have shown so much strength, determination and love for your family through such a difficult time. I once heard someone say that "Courage is getting through life's difficulties with Grace", you have truly shown that and I know your children will carry your love and example with them for the rest of their lives 💜💜💜 I wish you strength, but above all I wish you happiness ❤️
Im in tears just reading this. It's such a hard decision to make, but im sure its the right one. Enjoy your babies, you're such a great brave mom. && those tapes and birthday cards are such a beautiful thing you will be doing for them. Sending lots of hugs 💙💛💜
This is such a huge decision and it seems like you’ve gotten it figured out. I’m so heart broken for you. Words will never ever be enough but I’m so sorry.
Even if you cry in the videos your kiddos will most definitely understand. You are so fucking strong, you’ve been an absolute warrior through all of this. 🖤 prayers for you and your family.
Oh Kit Kat, I am so sorry you even have to face a decision like this. It's so unfair for everyone involved, and like so many other ladies have said my heart truly hurts for you and your family. Pre-buying birthday cards is such a wonderful idea. Those will be so precious to your kiddos and as they grow up they will feel like they still have a peice of you. The videos will be so special too, and I think it's completely okay to cry in them! I hope you get more time than what your doctor is predicting. Either way, I know you'll make the most of the time you have left and that you'll make it so memorable for your sweet kids. You and your kids will continue to be in my prayers, sending you so much love!
I have no words. My heart absolutely breaks for you and what you are going through. You are an absolute inspiration and show exactly what a mama bear is capable of. Sending so much love your way.
Sending you so much love ❤❤❤ I hope you get as much time with your precious babies as possible
Omg this is so heartbreaking. But I def agree with u on stopping your treatment. It’s causing more harm then good at this point right? So enjoy the time left with your babies. Soak up all the time u have left. I’m so so sorry for u and your babies!! I’m praying for u and your family at this time. I never stop thinking of u
Wow momma I'm so sorry I can't imagine having to make this choice. All my heart goes out to you and those babies. 💜💜
This is so sad to read, yet your strength is so inspiring. Sending thoughts and positive energy to you and your family. I hope you fullfill everything that you set out to do for your little girl and more. 💖
I have no words. Nothing I could say would make it better or go away, and I’m sure you’ve heard them all. But your children will be able to remember you so well with all that you’re doing for them with the cards and videos.
Oh KitKat. I’m sitting here in tears for you and for all the different things I can only imagine you are feeling. You’re such a wonderful and loving mama. I pray that somehow, whatever time you have left is lengthened in days and sweetened with the most beautiful memories. So much love to you and your family💗
Sending you and yours love and light through this time. You are a strong and loving woman. I am crying with you, and I feel you made the best decision. You deserve to make the most of every second and I wish you all the best in the world. I wish I could help in some way.
I cannot imagine having to face a decision like this. My heart is broken for you and your littles. Your strength and tenacity has been amazing and I am honored that you have given so much of yourself to us by sharing such a hard part of your journey on this little corner of the web. I pray that you have more time than is expected and I pray that your heart and mind can be at peace. God bless you, mama. ❤️
I had no idea you were going through this. I'm glad you have a place to vent. We may not have personally met, but I truly wish I were there to help you in any way possible. This is a monumental decision, but you've made it with love and careful thought.
To help you make those videos, try writing down what you want to say and practice it. Hopefully that will help you through the sobbing. Try to focus on how happy your babies will be to see their mama give her blessing or just to say hi on special days.
I hope you enjoy and relish however many months you have left. I truly wish you the best.
I am so sorry you are faced with such a difficult decision. You are such a strong woman, and I will always remember you and your courage. I am so glad you got the opportunity to go to Disney with your babies and make those memories. Your children will cherish anything you can leave for them, but especially your wisdom and advice. I wish you luck with the videos, and know that there are hundreds of women here that send their love from afar!
I'm a total stranger yet I'm crying. Make those videos for your children even if it's through tears. I'm sure one day they will understand. I'm sending you a huge virtual hug 💕
This is hard to read and uplifting at the same time. Take a lot of pictures, and print them, even if it's not one of your good days. Your kids will remember you were strong and always smiled through you're storm. Cry in the videos anyway, you're human and you hurt, and then finish the videos, your children will learn that they too can press through tears to accomplish goals. There's so much they are going to learn from you in these times :) I wish you peace and joy.
Yay for summer vacation :) a few good months for a few good things
I cannot imagine being where you are and my heart hurts for you. I can say you are one of the strongest people I have ever had the honor to meet and I am sure your babies already see that. You're strength to face this humbles me and I will forever remember your name and story. I pray you have more time then what is expected.
😭 my heart breaks for you and your family. Chemo is rough on your body. I’m keeping you guys in my prayers.
I can't imagine facing a decision like this. I'm so sorry you have to go through it. Words completely fail here, but I hope you're able to find some comfort in your little ones. ♥
@kitkat-1987, you've been so strong through everything. If you think you're doing the right thing, you're doing the right thing. I'm hoping that you can get everything you want to do, completed in time. I'll miss your updates, your crazy hair and the love for your daughter, well babies I should say.
I’m sure this was a hard decision. You are so brave. I hope your days are filled with all the love you deserve from your loved ones. I wish I knew what to say to comfort you 😞
@kitkat-1987 girl you are the strongest mother I know and wish you so much love! I hope you can feel my/our support for you. Sending you such a HUGE hug!!! ❤💔
I’m so sorry, kit kat. But I’m glad you’ve come to a decision. Is your doctor referring you to hospice? It will not only support you through the next chapter, they will follow with your family for at least a year after and provide them continued support and services. You can always dm me if you need to.
I'm a total stranger yet I'm crying. Make those videos for your children even if it's through tears. I'm sure one day they will understand. I'm sending you a huge virtual hug 💕