crying like a baby! (VERY LONG POST)

crying like a baby! (VERY LONG POST)

I am sitting here looking at my photos when Alisa was first born. I'm crying thinking back to all we had to endure. We spent a month going back and forth to the hospital to see her. I remember the feeling I had when I was admitted at 31 weeks even. I was devastated to say the least. I remember thinking over and over not again! This can't happen to me again. I prayed the hardest I'v ever prayed. I was there 3 days before I had her. I remember the pain I had and how scared I was to have her so early. My heart sunk when I felt the first pain bc I knew what was happening. The same thing happened to my son. I just knew what the pain was. It was so scary. I remember the staff rushing me to the O.R, the look on my df face. I remember seeing my mom and she told me its ok baby through tears from being scared too. I remember hearing Alisa cry for the first time and not being able to express how I felt I was happy over the moon in love but I was unable to do anything. I felt such a relief. I remember seeing her face for two seconds before they took her to the nicu. I was unable to see her for 17-18 hours. When I laid eyes on her for the first time since birth I cried my heart out! She was the smallest, cutest, most adorable baby I had ever set my eyes on. Her full head of hair. She was so alert and had her eyes open and the way I was looked at was the most beautiful thing ever! The nurse let me hold her for the first time....it was the most precious moment in my life. I instantly had this feeling that was so powerful and pretty much indescribable come over me and I knew that she was perfect in every single way. I wanted to stay by her side 24/7. Having an emergency c-section prevented that. I needed to rest. I was there as much as my body could handle. When I was released I felt empty. I was heartbroken that I was unable to be in the same building as her. I visited her every single day she was there. Even when my Dr advised me to get more rest bc my incision tore open I was still there. My babygirl is my life!! I would do anything for her and as I sit here crying and looking at her pictures I'm so thankful and so very proud of her progress. She was so tiny and even though she is still small compared to other full term babies she is getting so big! Its amazing one what one little life can do to a person. I'm so thankful that God as given me a chance to experience motherhood. I have been given the best gift anyone could receive! :')