Men are like baby's
Both need you. Like really need you; like, depend on you. To satisfy their every whim and whine, which they will be uber vocal about, typically making it known to you by way of an elongated, strained, over-dramatic indecipherable statement about what they require.
Both want you. They want you to satisfy their needs as mentioned above. And they want your body to fulfill their other needs; and of course, they both want your breasts.
Both are demanding. Like extremely demanding. Drainingly demanding. They require you to give them attention, tend to them, and take care of them. How freakin' exhausting?!
Both want constant touch from you.Oh, my goodness, yes. Occasionally, the only way for you to avoid that caress or yank at your side is to pretend that you are violently ill; and even then, sadly and ridiculously, they will both still chase after you as you run to the bathroom, waiting right there to make contact when you are done. It's ludicrous, but they want what they want when they want it.
Both like your nipples. For different reasons, yes, but they are both drawn to them nonetheless.
Both are hard to understand. From your man's ever-changing moods and ups and downs to your baby's lack of vocal capabilities, you will drive yourself mad trying to make sense of their antics. But, guess what? You will ultimately discern their complicated language (verbal and body) and figure out a pattern of behavior that informs you of all you need to know.
Both keep you on your toes. Which of course have nails that are overgrown and calluses that have developed. Why? Well, because you have been so busy tending to one or both of them, you haven't had any time to get the damn pedicure you most definitely deserve.
Both love you. And that is all that really matters.

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How do you like your steak?
Take your freaking shoes off!!!!!!
Why do people think its ok to walk on someone else's light colored carpet with their shoes on, and then give you a death glare when you tell them to remove their shoes. It's my house, you want to walk around in it...you will do so without your shoes on! It's not that much to ask, and also doesn't require a whole bunch of attitude either.
You can be racist towards the race of your friends.
You can be racist towards your own race.
You can be racist towards the race of your family.
You can be racist towards the race of your spouse.
You can be racist towards the race of your kids.
Your racism doesn't just stop being racism because 'X' is said race.
Racism is Racism.
Thanks for coming to this very well needed TedTalk.