I don't know how to start my explanation of what's bothering me. So if this comes across as scattered I'm sorry. Ok here it goes:

My bf and I have been trying to conceive for close two years now. I have repeatedly asked my mother if anyone in the family has ever had fertility difficulty. All I was ever told was nope your the only one. Well the other day a very close family friend told me my mother lost almost 10 pregancies before she had me. (The oldest) I feel so betrayed by her. I would love to talk to her about this but I know she will deny everything and then make my father and family friend life a living hell for telling me.

And to add insult to injury I called her to tell her the results of the favor I did for my grandparents and she proceeded to tell me that both me and my sister are disappointments. And she wished she had not had kids. Gee thanks mom.

What has me tail spinning is my mother and I have always had a very loving relationship. This is so out of character for her. There have been many other things she has said of recent that has been hurtful untrue and out of character. I don't know what to do. It is killing our relationship. And now I'm wondering if we even had the relationship I thought we did.

Long story short I feel alone and hurting. Wanting the mother I thought I had back.