Sounds like you are battling some serious depression... postpartum depression is a serious thing! You seriously need to talk to someone about that... you are not alone, and it does not make you a bad mom or wife... you are just in a bad place in your head right now! You need to seek help, your family would NOT be better off... you have no idea how devastating it would be if they lost you! Lots of love momma! Please talk to your doctor... they can refer you to someone!