I feel like my efforts just don't matter...I have been putting in a huge effort to be more positive and not let the…

I left my two friends back in Cali lol, and I've left there 9 years ago. Lol

Thank you so much @lydia007, I really appreciate it....I may take ya up on that offer lol I don't have any friends near me and every time I talk to old friends cross State they are always wrapped up in their shit and don't listen to my problems at all....things would be easier if I had a mama tribe close to me ya know?

Looking back at it, I can see how that can be viewed that way. My apologies, Hun. But yeah, I mean I have help I live at my husbands place with a handful of people but I also have twins and with the help I do get, I still fall short being that I try to have as little help as possible from everyone not including my husband. My husband works but I do too (taking care of the babies and house) and not that he complains or wouldn't help, but it's his responsibility as much it is mine, though I still do most of the work. I always feel like a shitty mom if anyone outside the two of us handles the babies even though they love and adore them and want to help. It's the mother instinct. Aside going to their appointments, I've gone out once with my husband, and that was because my co-workers where I use to work wanted to give condolences and have a small dinner since my mil passed. Other than that, I'm home. Anyway, I'm not complaining nor am I comparing but there really are more , tons more, mamas out there and on here that feel their life is at home, taking care of our children. Of course we want nothing more than to cater to them and be there for their smiles and giggles and cuddles them when they cry, we are mothers, that is our job. Whether we have a paying job outside of that isn't the point. But as HUMANS we naturally crave a "break" ( so to speak ) from time to time. It's normal, don't beat yourself up too bad. If you need more venting, I gotchu :)

I'm sorry, I thought "hmmm" was just like "judgy judge judge" in a passive way tbh...it is hard. Super hard. And it's nice to not feel alone so thank you for saying that...@lydia007,

Negative? How was I being negative? I'm in the same boat as you as far as always being home and never going out. I feel for you, idk where you got that from but if you wanna assume I was saying you're being stupid that's definitely not the case with this particular situation. Don't need you getting all silly on me though. I'm sorry you're going through shit and I get how it feels to be trapped but always remember you're never alone.

And to any possible haters (lookin at you @lydia007), I don't know why you bother commenting if all you're gonna do is be negative. If you think I'm being stupid or don't agree, move along please I don't need this in my life I got enough shit going on.

I appreciate the effort to be nice after all my saltiness, thank you...just very, very frustrated lately and have a short fuse....I wish I had the option to have a day to myself but my girl never once took a bottle or anything and she very much still counts on breastmilk to help her nutritionally and emotionally, so even if I could get him to watch her it wouldn't be for more than an hour or two, and I would have to stay home or walk in the heat cuz we're broke and I have no friends here.....I know I sound pathetic like I'm making up excuses but really, my situation is just really that lame....@liamisaiah, thanks again for trying to understand even though my struggle is so different, I appreciate it...

Hmm

that sucks! I do so much with my baby and friends. just not alone. I always have him with me but I don't mind it because he is a good baby. have you considered doing a once a week or every other week a day for yourself? have your husband take care of the baby or anyone you trust and you can have time to yourself. I know lots of people who do that and say it helps them not feel trapped.

"Feel happy tho" seriously...like my feelings are invalid because I'm "lucky" to give up who I am to be mommy 24/7 and not have a life.

I'm sorry @liamisaiah, you may feel I am lucky for staying home and for having a husband but that is your opinion and not the facts. The facts are, we all have our struggles and this is mine. I have LITERALLY not had more time to myself or with friends or just away from my baby than it takes to take a shower in a YEAR. I don't even get to shower more than twice a week if I'm lucky. From day to night I am on call. I get no breaks. I get no social life. Everything I do, I do for her and him and no one else. I would give ANYTHING to be able to escape to work and talk to adults and have MY OWN LIFE again. But I don't have a choice because this is our situation and I have to do what I have to do. So please, tell me again how I am LUCKY to have this burden. I am sorry if I sound salty as hell right now I am not trying to be a bitch but seriously, definitely the wrong buttons to press when I literally have no friggin life to myself. At least YOU get to be an adult and have some time away.

@hellosweetie, and I'm a SAHM and a Working mom an I'm always with my baby lol...

@hellosweetie, Omg girl were going through the same thing my husband expects me to do everything for him like his mom does I'm fucking fed up with it I do everything for my son he doesn't do shit only difference is if he's not in bed he's out with his bumbass friends like now! I sometimes feel like a single mom but then again he's automatically changing when he sees me pushing him away an becomes 100% dad Idk what to do I love him but now I'm thinking about the future like I wanna do big in life for me an my son honestly I know if he tries he'll make us the best team couple every but I feel differently about things Idk Idk idfk......

feel happy tho because I do all that plus work. I feel like a lot of the moms on here blame their husbands but is single moms really do 100% of the work and you have no idea how hard it can really get.but yes I get it having someone around that can make things easier but doesn't isnt fair to you .

I know....I just am trying so damn hard because what makes ME happy is when I feel like a team, and I don't feel like a team I feel like a single mom a lot....I know it's not his fault because he works a lot but seriously, for the past almost year I have made every decision for her and fed her, clothed her, cleaned her, taught her every waking moment and he helps SOMETIMES change a diaper here and there or will play a little bit or feed her but really, any time she needs something it usually has to be me and I have honestly lost myself. I don't even know how to be happy anymore and I have no friends or way outta the house when he's not here, and when he is all he wants to do is waste the entire day away shitting and sleeping lol....it's so maddening! Sorry for the ranting, I am just upset....@liamisaiah,

no do what makes YOU happy. how can you make others happy if you aren't happy yourself? and if they don't like it well screw it.