I'm nauseous with anxiety. I'm sick with frustrations, I'm running my physical and mental health into the fucking…
I'm nauseous with anxiety. I'm sick with frustrations, I'm running my physical and mental health into the fucking ground, for what? everyone else to be proud of me? for people to think I have my shit together? my mom talks about how I'm losing weight and I tell her "oh, I'm just cutting my portion sizes." yeah. cutting my portion sizes. that's it. if only she knew that it was because I don't eat anymore. my husband talks about how proud he is of me for going to cosmo school and getting my diploma. I wonder how he would feel if I told him I hated it there. that I don't want to do hair anymore. "you couldn't have decided that before we had 23,000$ in debt??" fight ensues. I wonder if people realize just what kind of FIGHT I'm fighting with myself every fucking day of my life. "why can't you just be happy? you have a beautiful little boy, why aren't you happy? you have a roof over your head, why aren't you happy? you have a huge family that LOVES you God dammit WHY CAN'T YOU BE FUCKING HAPPY!
No, you're right. you're not happy because you're worthless, you're fat, and you're wrong. no one loves you. you're failing your son. you can't even keep up in school, are you dumb?? look in the mirror, can you see that? can you see that huge fat blob who tries too hard to look beautiful? that's you. you're disgusting." every damn day. Every God damn day...
Erika·
Glad you got that off your chest. As for the rest, don't pay no mind! You know now your husband supports you and loves and all you need is your family. :) It takes a lot of courage to speak your mind, you did good!
Jessica·
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he loves you. I'm happy you told him. <3 anytime you need an ear, send me a message.
Alexis·
awww I'm glad he understood!
tiann stewart·
thank you @jessica408 @emc229 @marinewife @alsteele007 it means a lot.that you would even comment on this because so many people would just say I'm looking for attention. thank you so much for your words of kindness to me, it literally made me cry! I woke my husband up to talk to him.. I cried pretty hard. I told him that I can't do this anymore with the schooling. I was so afraid of him being so mad at me! he said "Its okay baby, I want you to be happy. I want you to love what you do. if you don't love it, don't do it. Money isn't my issue."
so that made me cry even harder!
Erika·
This made me cry. No one should ever have to feel the way you do, especially not yourself. I'm sorry you're going through these struggles. You can't make everyone happy. Don't force yourself to do things you don't want to do, like cosmetology. Don't do it! I went to school for Accounting, got my degree, worked in that field for a sec and hated it!!!!! I wasted years of school and my life doing something that made me unhappy. Don't do that to yourself. I was in debt but now I've paid off my student loans. Money comes and goes but don't mess with your happiness. Talk to your hubs about it, it'll help get a lot off your chest. If you need to talk to someone, message me anytime!
Jessica·
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honestly, nothing I say will make you feel better. BUT. you are beautiful. I'm not talking in a physical sense (even though you are STUNNING) I'm talking in the sense that you've carried a beautiful baby. who CARES if you decided against cosmetology. fuck it. he's going to be mad, yes. But it's okay, he'll let it go I'm sure. you're trying to conceive your second child. you will not if you're under all this stress and pressure. hug your son. take a deep breath. you are human, love.
Alexis·
I hope everything gets better. I'm sorry you are going through this. hugs
Nicole·
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Your beautiful, I know words from a stranger don't matter but your beautiful 😘