29, will be 30 this year. Been TTC for 3 years now. I am about to start going through IVF with donor eggs and hopefully be pregnant by end of the year.

So I'm thinking I really need professional help. I have so much anger in me. I treat my fiancé horrible and don't mean to. I feel like part of me is trying to start arguments to force him to break up with me. I don't deserve him. He's so good to me. I purposely says stuff to hurt him but once said I don't mean it. I hate myself. I don't know what's wrong with me. I need help before I snap!

So I was in a wreck Saturday. My car is basically totaled. Was not my fault, a lady turned in front of me. Now her insurance is not gonna pay. So I have a lawyer but it's not looking great. Ugh so over life! Just ready to give up.

So I guess I'm gonna have to choose between my fiancé , the one I love more than anything and my family. Why do I let him get to me like this??!!!

Just in one of those depressing moods. All I wanna do is cry because all I really want is a baby of my own with my fiancé and after over a year of trying I don't think it's gonna happen.....

Well 3rd day on Clomid and haven't noticed any bad side effects yet. Hoping I don't. Go Monday to see if I have any follicles that will hopefully produce a good egg!

So this is the only place I can share my real thoughts since on FB everybody that knows me wants to be mosey. Is it to much of me to want my guy to wanna be a better person and change for me? Like seriously I would change to make myself better to him. I would go to the ends of the earth for him, even take a fucking bullet. But yet I'm bitching because I want him to change a couple things about his life that he knows I don't like. To me nothing is to big to break us up except cheating but to him ...

Had one of those days where I just wonder if anything ever happens to me would anybody even care? My fiancé is the most important person to me and with how we are always arguing now I do wonder if he would even care.

I can't fucking deal. I have an appointment at 4 at the doctor for to go on the fertility medicine Clomid to help me get pregnant. My fiancé knew I wanted him to go. He even requested off of work since he works nights. He got off work at 7 this morning. Well apparently he couldnt sleep till like 12 so now that I'm trying to wake him up he won't get up. And is bitching at me telling me to leave him alone. This appointment is important to me since it does involve us making a baby. I'm so frustrate...

Ugh!!! More people I know announcing they are pregnant. And I just took a test and got a big fat NEGATIVE! Like seriously when will it get to be me?!!!

Worst valentines weekend ever. Arguing with my fiancé because he won't get out of bed and take me somewhere. We are always hurting each other. I do love him but we are bad for each other. Bring out the worst in each other.