today I started counseling for my post partum....cried 90% of the time but hopefully it'll help.....?

today (1-17-15) was mine n my other half's two year anniversary and it was crap, I felt like self harming all day and he slept, worked then walked out cuz our daughter didn't wanna sleep. he's been gone for almost 2 hours now.... mind u he walking and its 350am.....

post partum depression has taken a toll on me... I can't even take a shower cuz the moment I do, everything hits me and I just wanna give up and start my self harming again.... been exactly 1 year since I did, and the thoughts are getting worse. I don't want to hurt her but myself is another story....I hate this.....

my hubby and my baby, she's 1 month today, 8 lbs 15.4 oz and 24 inches long, she's already growing to fast!!!!

so my baby is 1 month old tomorrow.... time flies by......
she's allergic to ALL diapers besides Huggies and luvs
she's allergic to a&d ointment
she will only take the really hard to find and expensive when you do, brown bottle nipples
and she has colic.....
my baby is all ready a butt....grrr

things I've learned since baby Astrid was born.....
yes you will bleed, but if you breastfeed or at least try even for a few days, you bleed less.
the pads are ridiculously huge, almost diaper size.
you pee yourself when you sneeze/cough/ect during pregnancy, its worse after.
once your bleeding stops, you "leak" pee.
take EVERYTHING from the hospital, all those mesh panties, pads, diapers, ect.....take it ALL. your paying for it. take it. whether u pay or ur insurance does. its covered and its ...

almost 2 weeks old, god she's getting big and time is flying.... I don't want her to grow up :/

my baby is officially a week old and Tuesday/Wednesday I'm gonna be doing her newborn photos :) just gotta make sure everything else is complete :)

so I didn't update the other day but my induction went very well, although after about 6 hours in I did give up and get some pain meds. I chose not to do the epidural but to take the shot in the iv. but within the next two hours (after getting to 4 cm, 90% effaced, and -2 position) my progress stopped completely and I ended up needing an emergency c section.
Anyways at 4:07 pm on Monday December 8, 2014 little miss Astrid Noelle-Janet Sedwick was born. she weighed in at 7 lbs 15 oz, and 21 inch...

I feel like crap but they just broke my water, lots of pain but I plan on going natural :)