Should I just butt out?
So I've known this girl, now in her thirties, my whole life. She's had a rough childhood, taken away from her mom for 6 months when she was about 6 (was returned to her mom), ran away from home when she was about 16, and got into a relationship at 17 with a guy much older than her, he was at least 6 years older. They had 2 kids together, got married when she was around 26, and then added 2 more children to the relationship.
Fast forward about ten years later, they've split, divorce pending. Children are 14, 12, 7 and 2. She's now starting a relationship with a married man. She said he told her his marriage is just on paper, as he's checked out of the marriage, both him and his wife are miserable, but he won't divorce his wife just yet. He's helping her with something and they need to be married for him to be able to help her. I don't agree with her choice, I've told her so, but I've decided that she's an adult and I can't live her life for her.
They officially started dating last month, and this weekend she plans on spending the whole weekend with him. Here's where I see a problem, he lives 9 hours away, that's one way without stopping for breaks, and she plans on going alone. I asked her who's going to watch her children, she says her mom will "be around for a bit", and she's asked a bunch of people to check in with the kids.
I told her that's not ok and she should at least bring the 2 year old with her because he can't spend a whole weekend with essentially no adults in the home. She said she'd "think" about it. I think she should also take the 7 year old with her. I'm wondering if I should reach out to her mother and have her talk to her, (her mother is a WHOLE other case, smh,) or should I just let it be. I thought about calling the family services to check on the kids, but thought it might not be the best thing for the children. Her mom knows she's leaving all weekend, but doesn't know where she's going or that the new guy is married.
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@mujerstillregal, it breaks my heart😔 it reminds me of me when I had to take care of my siblings because my mom didn’t care to leave us alone so she could be with her boyfriend!!!
I don't know what to do, her mom can't be there the whole time with the children. I spoke to the eldest child, and they said she doesn't have anyone there constantly for them, just will have someone check in on them every so often. They said they'll be fine to take care of the small kids 😩😢
Omg this is so sad😔
I don’t understand why women are shitty like this!!! I mean I understand she had a rough childhood but that doesn’t give her the right to do it to her kids!!! Can you do a welfare check on them when she’s gone by calling an officer??? She could get in a lot of trouble for leaving her kids!
@sourpatchkids people will say "it's not the same," but she leaves them like that all the time to go to work. The baby is in daycare, but whenever there's a big break from school, like summer, she takes the baby out of daycare and have the big kids watch the baby. Smh, I guess she figured it goes ok, so now she can drive 9 hours away and stay all weekend. I feel so bad for her children.
@bsandra and that's why I included the part about her childhood for reference, you know. I understand, but she doesn't get a free pass to be crappy.
I have been reading stories of parents leaving their kids to vacation and the kids die. This is insane to me. She is choosing a man over her children and that is so sad!!! Like in what world does any of it sound like a good idea!
When I spoke to her she legit said "what's wrong with me taking some time for myself away from my kids?" I said "the part where you're leaving them alone to go 9 hours away." It just ended up in an argument, she got mad hung up and kept driving to her destination.
@mujerstillregal my mind goes to the 1000 things that could happen to those kids....and I'm a stranger!
@m00my2five same here. Someone else is telling me "leave it alone... Stop thinking about what could go wrong." Smh. Or they keep telling me "you know she's messed up, she needs psychological help..." Smh
I would’ve butted out if she didn’t have children.
If you have to have people check in your own children because the original sitter isn’t reliable then wtf are you even doing? What do you mean by she will be around though? Just pop in and out and expect the older ones to care for the littles?
Tell your friend to call the wife then if it’s “just a piece of paper”. Guaranteed that ain’t going to end well.
That's exactly what I said, "just a piece of paper," smh, and what does the wife think? Probably thinks she has a good husband, a good man. I honestly don't know what she means by her mother will be there for a little while. Yes, she expects the older kids to care for the younger kids
@mujerstillregal, it irritates my soul when people think marriage means Nothing. People make vows to devote themselves to one another. There’s other reasons but the vows means the most to me.
@sourpatchkids right? You just signed your life over to someone else, it's a really big deal!
IMO when kids are potentially in danger we should not mind our own business. I think it’s best to reach out. There’s no way a 14yo can care for that many kids on their own even if people check in here and there. Def reach out.
I did, but the mom can't be there all weekend, and I don't know what else to do. I'm worried also that this weekend is going to go just fine, and she's going to think that she can continue to do this.
She is unfit to be a mother if she thinks this is OK.
Id definitely talk to the mother to make sure she's watching the kids all weekend and let her know that. I would not call child services tho. I can't believe some people are so irresponsible SMH. I'd tell you friend how stupid she is as well. . just like that 🤷🏾♀️
I'm just going to call the mom. I'm telling her that she's not making any sense. She's the sensitive type 🙄 but I told her that she's choosing a man over her kids. She hasn't replied, I don't think she's going to ever talk to me again.
I’d reach out!!! She’s been so selfish, how can you leave them alone. Is the father involved? May be you can reach out to him, if that’s an option??? Poor babies😔
The father is not involved, he's a piece of work himself.
@mujerstillregal, I feel really bad for these kids cause my mom used to do the same. Calling cps is no help cause they might end up splitting the babies and it’s so hard for them. Try to reach out to the mother and tell her that if the kids are not taken care of you will report it to cps and probably it will be a wake up call!!!
I definitely wouldn’t butt out, but in this situation I wouldn’t know exactly what to do either. I can’t believe she’s leaving them without supervision, it just blows my mind.
Yeah, I just can't believe she's behaving as though she has no responsibilities
I would reach out to her mother, if something happens to those little ones you could never forgive yourself. They wouldn't know what to do in an emergency. They could microwave noodles and set the place on fire.
She's being foolish and I don't think this guy is a man at all for doing this while he's still married and being okay with her leaving the kids to be with him. He should be asking questions and not thinking with his you know what.
Smh, due to the way she talks about him, I think he's much older, and she's stuck in the same childish mindset, I feel like she never for a chance to grow up, just such a rough life. Now she wants to behave like she doesn't have children
Almost lost my s*** on this rude lady...
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The grandmother ended up not going to work today so she'll be home all weekend with them.