Just needing to vent. My bil informed us last night that he (34yo) and his gf (19yo) are expecting. He isnt even legally divorced from his wife yet! His gf used to be his kids babysitter 😳! She started babysitting the kids when she was 14yo.
Here I am almost 3years out from ttc number 2. And currently cant afford any help to conceive.
I melted down, cried myself to sleep in the bathroom and when hubby came to check on me I just couldn't even get up. I'm so tired. I'm so tired of trying so hard and getting no where.
But now I am the mean one bc I didnt say congrats and I declined going to any of the family events bc I need the distance for a little while. I didnt outright lose it in front of bil. I waited till they hung up. And the decline to attend is all through fb invite without any explanation. I'm not stopping hubby from going and taking our daughter. I just dont want to go. I dont want to fake a smile.
And now bc of all of this and the emotional and mental crash I have going on I dont want to be touched in a sexual way at all. Totally caused my sex drive to crash and now hubby won't hug me bc he cant grab my ass in the process.
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@watz it's a struggle. I know I see it and am told it all the time. But 1 thing I should be able to do as a woman and I cant. I love my daughter. I dont want her to be an only child though.
@no062014 it's definitely a struggle. Baby dust to you my dear, I truly hope all your baby dreams come true.
I can relate to this. I've been trying to conceive for almost 3 years, mean while all my husband's relatives are popping out kids left and right that they can't afford.
And I'm sorry but their whole situation seems messy and odds are it will go up in flames...the age Gap isn't a big deal but the previous babysitter info makes me wonder if this girl was being groomed 😬
Yep. Its rough. And this year is just been the worst. I cant pamper myself and get out of my own headspace. I havent seen my best friend in 3 months. Dont feel like I can just curl up with my head in someone's lap and just cry.
It sadly probably will. It does freak me out heavily. I do know for a fact that he was never alone with the babysitter, his wife didnt let him message the sitter or even have her number, he didnt relieve the babysitter at night, it was only his wife that did. But still weird to try and explain that to your 10yo daughter. The other 2 kids are only 3 and 2yo
First of all I’m so very sorry that you’re feeling defeated and struggling to conceive. Seeing people wish so much to have a baby but can’t or struggle breaks my heart.
Second it’s good to take some space for yourself for peace of mind and body. I do understand it can be triggering.
Third, I feel that you are being judgmental towards your bil and his gf. I’m still legally married to a man I haven’t seen in 8 years. I had two kids with another man, and I’ve now found a man who treats me the way I deserve. I don’t feel like the divorce thing is relevant or fair to judge on in this situation. Now they’re age gap, is it a little creepy? Sure but they’re both consenting it seems and it is what it is. You have every right to feel sad about your situation but to judge them for other things not pertaining to them expecting is not fair either.
I hope you feel better and things get easier for you
Its frustrating and yes I am being wickedly judgemental. Its probably bc I'm jealous. But I do not agree. I think people should be divorced or at least legally separated before having children with someone else. The age gap gets me the most and the fact she was his kids baby sitter!
I'm so sorry you're going through all this. I've been in a similar boat, before. I had trouble conceiving after my firstborn and all my sisters in law got pregnant at the same time I found out the baby I was carrying was actually a missed miscarriage and I had to get a d+c. To say it was hard was an understatement.
After the second miscarriage, I almost felt hollow. Every family gathering I dragged myself to felt like an act. After a while, I just stopped and let myself feel my grief and anger.
Take your time. Fuck what the others think (they clearly have if he got the babysitter pregnant).
You wont feel this way forever.
This wont feel impossible forever.
You will get through this.
@deborahjq thank you. Sadly it's most insurances. At 18 and until I was married at 21 I was on my dads insurance, at 21 I switched to my employer insurance, at 22 went to my husbands insurance, at 24 I switched to another through my employer. Through this process the amount that is covered and not covered was insane. An annual physical, but no tests at all. All of them have been pretty much the same. And I cant switch to state insurance bc I make to much.
So fingers crossed nothing big comes up.
@deborahjq I know my post is old but I wanted to update you, I got good news with my job today! They are changing an insurance plan that should cover everything! The only problem is it has to be through their practice. But still cheaper then a high deductible!
Let yourself feel, let yourself be distant from your family, let yourself heal. You need to focus on you and let yourself get better. I'd definitely have a heart to heart with your husband and tell him what you need to cope with it and be honest.
I've got no idea other then distancing myself. Idk how I'm going to handle my daughters birthday party at the end of the month. But I do know I just dont want sex, I dont want to be touched other then a hug or cuddle. I havent been able to do anything for myself at all bc of covid and my car being broken down. I havent had a hair cut in 2 years nails in 3 years. He just seems to think saying he gets it and that life isnt fair will fix it.
Oh honey I'm so sorry. I can completely understand how you are feeling. I TTC for 7 long years before we were blessed with our one and only daughter.
Your feelings are valid, TTC is hard especially when it takes longer than you want it to. You take as much time as you need to feel what you feel. It's not fair and you shouldn't put on a fake smile if you don't want to.