My whole life has been a traumatizing affair about being fat. My grandmother would pay me to lose weight as a young child and growing up the judgement about being big was enough to drive anyone crazy. I’ve been up and down my whole life. At 29 I lost 130 lbs and got pregnant with my son. Once he was 3 months old I got pregnant with my daughter and was already 20lbs heavier than before I got pregnant with my son. In June I got married. I was almost down to the weight I was when I got pregnant with my daughter (about 15lbs away) and I was almost ok with my size. Then we decided we would uproot our little family across the country in October (this Friday we leave). My husband left 8 weeks ago to go to work and I happen to be an emotional eater (go figure!) and between him leaving, having to pack up my life and kids and move and finding out I was pregnant at the beginning of September I’m up like 30 lbs since my wedding. I’m freaking out. I hate being fat. I spend a good portion of my day thinking about just how much I hate myself, telling myself how ugly and worthless I am and I should just give up because my husband is probably going to divorce me when he sees me. How the doctors are going to tell me I’m way too fat. Just so much s$&@ going through my head. If you’ve made it through this post thanks for letting me vent. I know the solution is diet and lose weight but I’m just having a hard time with everything in life right now.