There's no grief or loss group here, so I feel this is the most appropriate group to share what I'm experiencing. (Hopefully is not a trigger) I'm 20 weeks pregnant and just found out were having a girl. 4 years ago I lost my daughter at the 38 week mark due to complications with preeclampsia. Lately I've found myself referring to this pregnancy as if it was the first. I feel like time didn't even pass by. For example, today my husband and I were in the car talking about the things that we needed to do before baby gets here and during the conversation I called this baby my first born's name, immediately started panicking and since can't stop crying. Am I going crazy? Have anybody experienced something similar?
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@l-cubed 😭 I'm so grateful for experiencing pregnancy again and you are right part of it is to continue grieving. I do feel better talking about it and I'm so glad that this forum allows me to share my story and find comfort. Thank you for your kind words.
@liza286, you know, I am so heartbroken hearing your story. Every time I lost my four angel babies through ectopic and 2 MCs at 8 weeks, they really broke my heart. And I know there really isn’t supposed to be worse pain or less pain, pain is pain... but having loved your baby for that long... and to have it cruelly taken away from you right at your fingertips! How traumatizing!
The silver lining, if I could even call it that is that you are pregnant again. That this time the doctors know of your original outcome and how serious your condition is. And you and your medical team can take active measures to protect your newborn. I’m confident it will all work out! Stay brave but you know... when it hurts really bad and I feel depressed about something, I like to just start with on day, a full day of allowing myself to feel the pain... lamenting how unfair things are, how I didn’t deserve this... and anything you can think of. Complain to yourself. Let it all out. And for me, by the end of this session I find myself running out of things to complain about. And as all the sad things are brought out in the open... it allows you to validate how you feel and love yourself. And eventually you’ll naturally desire for some happiness and relief... and as that point comes around... be at peace for the rest for that day. Also, forgive yourself for calling your new baby as old baby... the truth is you didn’t really get to know him/her as an individual so I don’t see it as an insult to your new one. It’s Ok to replace if you need to. It’s the circle of life. And tomorrow... be joyful and grateful for the blessings you do have and all the feelings you couldn’t feel because the pain was too great. If need be, repeat. Eventually... it’ll get more bearable and although you’ll never forget your first, it won’t be a mountain of pain you carry with you always. ❤️
@expectinggreatness @kimberly810 thank u ladies. I have faith everything will be alright... just have to be reminded at times. It's exhausting to be strong all the time.
So sorry for your loss ! Sending you a hug ! When negative thoughts come try to focus on the positive ones. It sounds like you are still grieving and that perfectly normal after a loss . I know you will be more closely monitored this time and you and baby will be fine .
Oh my goodness. I can’t even imagine! I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t completely understand what you’re going through, but I know how challenging things can be when you’re going through fertility treatments. To experience that after going through fertility treatments would be so, so tough. I’ll pray that everything works out great for you this time ❤️
@brooklynrn I went to therapy on and off. Thinking about starting again. I definitely have PTSD and feel this pregnancy is triggering it. Ugh, I'm trying to enjoy this process but is so hard.
Hi, I can not even begin to imagine what it must have been like to have a loss at the end of your pregnancy like that. You’re so brave for doing this again. You really went through a trauma and I’m wouldn’t be at all surprised you have a little ptsd. I don’t think you’re going crazy at all. Have you talked to a therapist or a counselor since your loss?
@liza286, I’ve got you babe! ❤️