Adult children living at home

I agree with you. My kids won't be those creepy basement moochers who sit around and play video games all day at 30 years old. As long as they're either in school or have a job, there will always be a place in my home for them, but I won't enable someone who refuses to grow up.

I guess I should add that the reason we talk about this often is because my 38 year old BIL still lives at home. He never finished school, he barely works part time for FedEx, never helps my MIL with bills, food, etc. She has bought him every car, pays off his debt/loans.... I just think it's ridiculous! They seem to think this is completely acceptable behavior.

I think there's a big difference between "always having a home here" and freeloading....

Our home will always be there for our kids (and their families) when they need it, that doesn't mean they won't pay rent & contribute.

I always have a home with my parents as well is something were to ever happen and we need help getting back on our feet. I mean we currently rent my moms house from my grandma & my parents are renovating a house next door for us to buy. For us, we'd rather be putting back into the family over paying out to someone else.

Agreed, pp. Like I said, I would definitely allow them home under certain circumstances but not freeloading. I would also not just let them live at home for no reason, even if they were paying rent.

Totally agree with you OP! Obviously circumstances are always different but I hope I raise my kids to not want to mooch off me! If they need help I'll always be there but not just so they can be lazy!

Your 38 BIL sounds like my 30 yr old future BIL. It's ridiculous.

Yeah... It's ridiculous. They were talking about him the other day and I couldn't handle it. I told them I completely disagreed with what they were saying and walked out of the room. Ughhhhhh!

My mom would kill to have a place me and my kids and their dad could live in with her lol. I had my first as a teen and she was sad when I moved out . I think ill always have a place for my kids. Idk what I would do if any just became adults who didnt contribute to society. But if they're working and saving money they can live with me. I wouldn't agree with them staying just to blow their money. But if they are 28 and don't have a family yet maybe they don't want to spend the money on a house or something that's actually fine with me if they're responsible and contributing. And of course like you said if their family falls on hard times well be here.

BIL is 27 and lives at home with MIL he's an alcoholic, doesn't have a job, doesn't contribute, lives off his mother, has two kids that he has randomly for a week or two a time. That's not something ill let my kids ever do. But that's all about prevention in the first place IMO but she won't kick him out because of the kids

I totally agree with you. Like you've all said, my children will always have a home when needed but not a free place to live while being lazy.

When I graduate college and was looking for a new job, I lived at home with my mom, I paid her 200 bucks a month in rent and helped with groceries.

When my dh and my lease was up on our apartment and our landlord wouldn't let us do month to month while we were house hunting, we stayed with his parents for free for 2 months.

Those are acceptable situations to me, your BIL's situation isn't

My rules will be, if you graduate HS and don't want to go to collage that's fine but you will pay rent, do your own laundry and clean behind yourself, plus if I cook and you eat I want food money. If you go to college I won't charge you rent, but paying rent or not you will still live by my rules you'll have a curfew and be respectful, no females/males sleeping over no coming in drunk. When you move out if for any reason you need a place to stay my home is always open but of course with rules.

I agree op. Me and dh are trying real hard to raise our children to be upstanding adults who are able to care for themselves.

My BIL also lives at home with mom. Gets drunk. No job. No license. No money. Never had a gf and he is 27. I could never live like that. AND he acts like he owns the place and she tiptoes around him! I would not have that with any of my children. There will always be a place for them in times of need. But they will never end up like their uncle.

I'm married and we live in my mother's home. We've both been through a lot of traumatizing experiences together. She is disabled, takes a lot of meds, can't drive and is on a fixed income. My husband helps support her every dime we get we support the household with food, and housewares. She wouldn't be able to live on her own and would be devastated if we moved out. I guess I'm the odd one out but everyone's happy and it works for us.

@Exc I TOTALLY agree with your standards/beliefs... I have a 14 year old son heading to high school, a 12 year old daughter and a 1 year old daughter. I have instilled those same values in my children because it's easy for children to become unfocused and complacent after high school. If that happens guess what?!? They may end up in your purse for life ???!

Lol op your best bet is to be a b**** so they won't come anyway. I wouldn't move in with my mom if she begged me :P

I agree with most of this. I would probably allow them to live with me for "no reason" though. As long as they're paying rent & buying their own groceries & cleaning after themselves, I don't think I'd have too much of an issue with it. I can't really say for sure though because I haven't reached that point in life yet. I will probably downsize to a condo once my kids go to college. That's always been my plan.

I do disagree with pp that said she'd charge for rent & groceries but still implement a curfew. You're a working adult who pays me rent & buys your own food. it'd be crazy of me to tell you that you had to be in by a certain time. It seems almost like picking & choosing which adult rules you want them to live by. But to each their own. Your house your rules.

I also thinks it's different to live with your parents if you are supporting them because of old age or health needs. Like I said, there will always be exceptions.

My almost 50 year old uncle still lives at home. It has turned from him being a "moocher" to him being a caretaker after my grandfather passed away 27 years ago.

We won't kick our children out. They will however contribute to the home.

Please come have this talk with my MIL! She enables my SIL so much with things like this. My SIL is married with 2 kids and just refuses to try and better herself at all, it's almost like she feels entitled or something! I just want to scream "When is becoming a responsible adult on your agenda?!?" Ok sorry to rant on your post lol

I will never kick them out unless they were jsut living with me to spend the their money on silly things or bad habits... if they contribute with money or groceries or bills I will be more than happy to be with them and their families if thats the case... I was raise that way I know my parents will always have a place for me and my family

I still live with my mom, my aunt and grandmother. I help pay for rent. I would never kick my kids out as long as they weren't doing anything illegal.

I posted a rant about this in Blended Families. My 19yo step son lives here..doesn't have a job, not in school (hasn't graduated HS even). Doesn't do a thing, is filthy, sleeps all day and plays games all night. Husband is too much of a pushover to kick him out. It's driving me crazy.

This is a tough one I think. My husband and I live with his Mom or she lives with us... We wouldn't call it her house or our house we all share it. Split bills right down the middle because she can't afford to live in a HOUSE on her own. We could get a small house or decent sized apartment on our own but we don't mind where we are for now.

In a situation like that I don't see a problem.

BUT... His sister lives here too... She's 20 doesn't work. Doesn't do anything but sleep all day and stay up all night playing video games. She doesn't even have her license yet. Despite the fact that her Mom and Dad have taken her out to learn to drive hundreds of times. They even got her a car that just sits there. She's so lazy. She doesn't contribute to anything. Won't even wash her own clothes. I feel so bad for my husbands Mom. She does EVERYTHING for this girl. I've tried telling both of them that they NEED to MAKE her get a job and help out. But they just complain that she's lazy and go on with their day. :-/ In a situation like that I would have said you have this amount of time to get it together and contribute or get out.

Also, I have an uncle that is 46 that still lives with my Grandparents. BUT he is single, travels 80% of the year due to his job AND he pays for ALL their bills. Mortgage, water, gas, electric, cable, everything. Even gives them grocery money and spending money. When he is home my Grandma still makes him breakfast lunch and dinner and washes all his clothes. LoL. They have a good sized lot and he had his own house and my Grandparents have their house next door. So in that situation it's okay too.

I think it just depends on what the situation is. But the basic thing is, if you're contributing you can stay, if you're not, get out. Even if they are your kids they need to learn responsibility and contribute.

Wow.. Sorry so long. :-)

I as a mother could never put my child out! She will always be my baby and I will always be there for her no matter what. Of course I want her to get a job and be responsible but I could never kick her out. Although if she gets pregnant, you better believe she will be providing for that child not me! If your old enough to have sex your old enough to take care of your baby.

I also could never charge my child for rent, food, electric. Phone bill they can pay. I would charge for rent, but instead of using it toward bills I would save that money until she is ready to move out and give it back to her. I as her mother will provide for her as long as she stays in my house. In my culture the girl doesn't move out until she gets married.

I agree. My cousins are all about 14-20 years older than me. Like mid forties. They still move home and "fall on hard times". They are druggies. So. That's mainly it.

I would help my children. But once they hit 18, they need to get a job. Even if they are in university. They need to at least have a part time job at that point.

I would let them stay as long as they needed, as long as they were working and contributing to the household. Otherwise, sorry but they're not freeloading. I was brought up to pay my way, and that's the way my children will be brought up.

Thanks everyone for responding. It's nice to see other perspectives and different cultures.

I agree with a lot of things said. For example, I know I will be the ones providing for/helping my parents when they can no longer provide for themselves. I'd have them move in with me if they couldn't live on their own.

Growing up, my parents taught me about hard work and responsibility. I wanted my own phone line when I was 12 and even though I couldn't get a job, I worked for that $40 per month (this was before cellphones were affordable). I had a baby sitting job for two years and then got my first job at 15. Everything I wanted, I paid for (car, phone, gas, insurance) and it taught me a lot of responsibility. I moved out when my husband and I got married.

My husband wanted to live with his mom when we first got married and I refused. Outside of not wanting to live with his brother, I just felt like we were married, we had a child, we needed to provide for ourselves. It was hard but well worth it! I will certainly pass that on to my kids.

I think so long as you instil the right values in your child and don't enable them constantly they won't just take advantage - even if they find themselves needing to live with you as adults

I'm on your side. If they are working on their life and making improvements towards moving out then they can stay, a reasonable period of time. If they are sitting around doing nothing then...get out! :)

My parents let me live at home through college as are my brothers currently. One works and one is in school. They enjoy having them there.

really? because my parents had similar beliefs; kids live at home then when life gets real, support yourself. well my older brother did just that. graduated college with a whole world ahead. worked awhile got laid off. he had no place to stay, asked my parents if he could bunk in our home with us until he was back on his feet. my parents wanted gave him a "fee" he couldn't pay it. ended up homeless for 11 months. then he killed himself. all because my parents made an "awesome" decision just like you want too. now (9years later) I'm married with my own kids. I don't speak to my parents. their unforgivable actions caused them to loose both their kids. so go ahead kick your kids out. but don't expect them to help u when you're in need. have fun loosing the things that mean most

Pp, I'm sorry about your brother. I can't imagine how hard that must be. Op already stated that losing a job and falling on hard times were exceptions and she would allow it, so your story doesn't really apply.

My son will always be mommas baby. He can live at home as long as he wants. I'm also Mexican and were very family orientated and never kick anyone out. Lol

For god sakes my grandma lives with me.

My kids can ALWAYS stay with me no matter what. That's how my mom has raised me no I don't live at home but I know I can go there no matter what. If your kids don't have you and your house to go to no matter what then who will they have?

@pp, I'm very sorry for your loss. As I stated in my original OP and subsequent comments, I would always help my children out when needed. What I won't do is enable them to be non-contributing members of society. They need to be responsible adults.

I'm sorry for lashing out at you. it's just so hard for me. I read the first part and of course my fat head got typing. I understand where you're coming from. good luck with everything mama:)

I totally agree!! My mom put me out when I was 20 and mind you I was in college and working part time. She put me out because she said it was time for me to see how it is so I ended up living with my Godmother for while then my aunt finally I rented a room everything was horrible , my bother who is now 20 still live at home with my mom and he doesn't work, hasn't finished high school or anything and my mom don't care.

I think it's very unfair

She has two men in the house that don't work my Brother and step dad she pays for everything and sometimes ask me for help I feel so sorry for her all the time n try to help her out a little. Hmmm what goes around comes right back around

I would never put them out. Finish school find a job save money and move out.

I am 23 yo and married. We still live at home with my parents with baby #1 on the way. We pay rent ( my mom holds on to it for us so we can save the money to move out ) we pay all our bills and my DH works. I help out at home cooking dinner and cleaning. I would offer the same to my kids. If they didn't work pay rent or help they would be out!

I'll let my son live at home as long as he's in college. Him having a job depends on what he's going from. Some majors are more demanding. As long as my son is respectful and responsible I'll let him stay until he's out of college.