Oh god. I won't post a picture but a quick laugh.
My husband (recently separated but living together) and I decided to go on a date. Got a sitter and went to a pub and to the strippers for a few drinks. We came home dtd awful I know. We were both feeling the effects of alcohol and in the moment. Well right now he's passed out with his head in the toilet. I've already tried waking him to get him to go to bed. He told me he really wasn't feeling good and I asked if I could go to bed. I told him that I will wake him when our daughter wakes up next if he's still there then he passed out again. Do I wake him now or leave him? I feel awful that he's spread out sitting in front of the toilet with his head in it but he shouldn't have drank that much if he couldn't handle it. On a side note. Tonight he went to the washroom at the strippers and some guy Sat on the arm of the couch a foot away from me. Decent looking. The place wasn't very full. Husband came back 30 seconds later and sat between us. The guy asked if he was with me and he gave him the married speech and told him to fack off then he took off. Husband also got picked up in the men's room by 2 guys that were fooling around with women in the main area. ?? I have to say. After the year and a half that I've had. It was nice to feel "desired." ??
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Think about the example your setting for your daughter, that it's ok to let a man walk all over you and disrespect and cheat. You keep saying your doing this for your daughter but in reality your setting her up to think being treated like doormat to a man is ok and acceptable behavior.
Please rethink this. I was in the exact same situation. He has not changed and youre basically telling him he can go out and do whatever he wants and youll be sitting at home for him. No consquences. Im not trying to bash but i live with my ex. You have to stop sending ANY and ALL mixed signals. Dates, nights out, drinks, cuddling, present exchanges... Nothing. And let me tell you something else, if the roles reversed and you were actually dating a guy, he will feel he has the rite to tell you you cant date. I agree with pp, its an extremely toxic situation if things arent clear. MAKE THEM CLEAR!! You deserve more.
And before anyone says "you are in the same boat so you cant say..."... I stated its toxic, from experience and i am removing myself from this. I just had to comment because this wont end well. Sadly.
And the gondola ride was with a co-worker. He showed me pictures. A make co-worker. Gondolas are a little different here a guess. Its just a big cart on a line in the sky that gives you a view of everything and it lands at a restaurant and then goes back.
Yes a strip club. It was my choice. We walked over there from the pub we were at.
We both decided we didn't want to hook up with anyone while we were out. In very thankful for him jumping in like that. I have anxiety and I'm too nice. I would have had a really hard time talking to that guy and getting him to leave.
And yes PP. Thank you! This is a situation that we find works for us. We are both adults and comfortable with each other. This situation may not be ideal for the vast majority but neither is being a swinger or a sister wife but people still do it and it works for them. Different scenario but I know swingers and I know sister wives. They have gotten the same shat. I told him I wanted our family to still be together. Both of us decided we aren't going to bring anyone else into our home with our daughter unless it's really serious. If he decides to remarry after our divorce we will move out. At this point it just works for us.
Two consenting adults, sure. To me, it sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. I'd be proactive about it and start looking for another place to live. This situation obviously won't last forever...and I could see it becoming a huge issue whenever you two decide to start dating other people. I wish you the best of luck, though!
Basically. We have no problems living in the same house. He works away and I want out daughter to have us both when he's home. We had this talk forever ago about what we would do if we split. We've been split almost a month now and have done really well. This is the first time we dtd and it was a choice both of us have made. As adults. Which. Both of us have been tested for diseases recently. I knew I was clean if I wasn't he gave it to me but we were both clean. Its not like anyone has never slept with an ex before. I'd rather it have been him than someone I don't know all that well. I'm not like that though. No random men here. Yuck. It was just something we did in the moment. We are civil with each other and will continue sharing a roof until that changes. No custody battle or anything. We are both sharing the expenses.
I don't see anything wrong with this lol. I mean yes sleeping together may open up a can of worms but if it works for you guys, who cares. I see nothing wrong with going on with him, you guys have a history and are comfortable with each other. I think it's great you can maintain a relationship that isn't toxic, because that's what happens a lot of the time. Props to you guys for being mature enough to be able to do stuff like this
@cams I wasn't talking about finding some random guy. I never said that anywhere in my post. He works out of town and is only ever back for a couple days at a time. Even if he didn't live here he would still stay here on his days off because there's no point in him getting his own place if he never gets to stay in it. He's got his own room and I have mine.
Also. We are 2 consenting adults. We went out for a couple drinks at a pub and a strip club because I haven't been out in a couple months and really needed to get out and don't have anyone here really that I can go out with. Neither of us were planning on hooking up with anybody while we were out and didn't plan on hooking up with each other either. Shat happens. I'm not rubbing salt in my wounds. I had a little fun and as an adult I'm allowed to make that choice. No we are not getting back together or anything. Us being split up is not an excuse to mess around behind each others backs. He made a mistake that completely messed up any chance of us being together. We are still married at this point and the married speech was to get that guy to leave. We had fun. That's all it was.
I stayed awake for half hour after I posted this to see if he would wake up and go down to bed. It took him probably 20 minutes after this post to wake up and go to bed. I'm pretty sure his arm that was supporting his head moved and his head fell further in the toilet and that's what woke him. Thank goodness out toilet is cleaned every day a couple times. I'm kind of scared of germs.
? I have a very close friend that was in a very similar type of situation. Every relationship she tried to get into, the man would never take her serious because of this living situation. Even if she wasn't sleeping with him none of her potential boyfriends would believe it. He finally moved out recently and she finally feels at peace. As long as you two live in the same household he will feel entitled to sex and whatever else. And because you want to put this "show" on for your child you will comply. Just wait till he gets a girlfriend I promise you this arrangement will go out the window and you will feel like he cheated 100 times more.
And I'm speaking from seeing it happen for damn near 2 years and the damage and confusion it caused my friends beautiful little girls.