Nyramak
nyramak
Nyramak·Мама дочки-младенца

do you correct your SO/DH

If they're performing a simple task for baby and it's not how you would do it?

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I wouldn't say that I correct but I do suggest!

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Yes cuz he can get her dressed without her throwing a fit and I can't!! ??

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Depends. If it were potentially dangerous then yes. If it's just different then what I do then maybe. I'd tell him what works for me and if he gives it a whirl then cool if not oh well

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I was doing this a lot at first until he told me it made him feel like I didn't think he was a good parent. I didn't realize how it was making him feel so I've made a real effort to stop. If I see him struggling to get her to stop crying I'll say something like "Do you think her tummy hurts?" Then he'll figure out on his own that he should put her in positions to help alleviate that. He no longer feels like I undermine him and it's helping us both learn to communicate with each other when it comes to her. He will say the same type of thing to me if he's sees me doing something that he knows how to solve. If it's something trivial, we let each other be to do it our own way.

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I did this with dd. I read an article that said unless there is harm being done new mommas should let dads interact and help. Even if it's different than you would do it. Moms tend to get a little OCD with the way she does things. I stepped back and stopped doing it. But if I see dh struggling and I know an easier way to do that task I'll let him know "hey it might be easier to do this...I found that out the hard way" or something a long those lines.

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nyramak
Nyramak·Мама дочки-младенца

@yaya I'd love to answer your question and add that you are absolutely right. I know it's something i shouldn't do. I've gotten better over the months. Lately I've been micromanaging, particularly during the times we give her solids. We don't really use bottles so i try to give him every opportunity to feed her solids.

I micromanage over silly things like the way he puts the soon in her mouth. Of there's too much on the soon, or if there is too little. It's not that he isn't competent it's that I'm so nervous about everything. I do feel like it's hindering their bond because of me. Hate to admit it but it's probably true.

On the very rare occasion that he gives advice i typically either feel like crap or i get annoyed. But I'm getting better at stopping myself.

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Unless it will hurt my son or cause me to have a huge mess later, no, I usually leave it. The only exception being when he puts Logan in mismatched clothes. It drives me batty!

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I struggle with this too. With pretty much everything my DH does. ?

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@yaya - I'd feel like shat. I don't take criticism or corrections very well, sadly. This is why I've been very careful about not correcting my husband. I'd never want him to feel that way about caring for our son.

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Baby isn't here but I'm so scared I will make a habit of this.

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I have to ask. If your SO treated you that way, how would you feel about it? General question. It's not directed at the OP.

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I'm horrible at this I'm always correcting anyone who is taking care of my baby's , there use to my way and my way always works so I share that with there daddy or grandparents , probably annoying to them but there my kids so it's my way.

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I wouldn't correct him unless the thing he's doing is putting our child in danger. I wouldn't have had a baby with my husband if I wasn't going to allow him to be my equal in parenting our children. And I expect the same level of respect from him. I'd grow very resentful if my husband tried to micromanage my interactions with our baby.

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Unless he's doing it where it's more difficult with himself I do my best to let him so his thing.

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I never corrected, more like advised of alternatives.

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I did for a few months and then backed off.

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I'm horrible about this, not even just with the kids ? I've caught myself nitpicking the way he'll load the dishwasher or telling him he needs to pick up toys in a different order & all kinds of dumb stuff that doesn't really matter

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I did this with our first 3 kids..bad...he didnt do anything particularly wrong...just didnt do things the way i did. With number 4, i learned to let him do things his way and not correct him to my way...that worked out better for me, because he was even more willing to help.

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I've made a conscious effort to stop because it makes him feel like he doesn't know what he's doing. He helps out so much & adores our son, I don't want to do anything to keep him from helping and bonding with our LO. It is hard to keep my big fat mouth shut sometimes.

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i'm so guilty. my husband has mentioned that it makes him feel like i don't think he's a good parent so i'm trying really hard to stop but i can't ?

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I tell him things but I'm like I know you know I just know sometimes I forget so I'm reminding you I'm sorry. I tell him I don't think he's wrong or do anything bad it just comes out before I stop myself. Like I remind him every night not to put the stainless pots and pans in the dishwasher even though I know he knows but I've had awful pregnancy brain and caught myself doing some wtf things.

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I used to be bad about it. I have to fight it. Seeing it spikes my anxiety and I tend to act OCD with things. The most I say is if the diaper is improper to the point it'll fall off. I generally just go fix it myself. He's learned I'll do that. So he tends to leave certain things to me or it seriously bothers me.

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I do it all the time! Not to be mean I'm just weird. He knows it though lol

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It depends on what it is. Sometimes if I feel like he isn't holding our newborn in a good position (for example his neck looks uncomfortable) I'll tell him to move him. But usually I leave him alone about stuff. The one thing I do nag him about a lot is not pulling the outside part of the diaper on the leg out (if that even makes any sense, I don't know what the name for it is. ?) every time he doesn't their diaper leaks.

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No. Each parent has their own style. As long as baby is taken care of I think its important for each parent to develop their own method and learn what works best for them.

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No I let him do his thing but if he seems to be getting frustrated I'll show him an easier way to do the task

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I did in the beginning but I saw how I was discouraging him from being a parent. I have sense changed my approach and make it a joint thing verse me just telling him hes wrong.

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I use to redo dd's diapers if he changed her at bedtime. Idk why but she would leak all over her bed every time he got her ready.

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Definitely not. He's just as much their parent as I am and he has his own ways of tending to them.

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We used to do this to eachother but it has not happened in soooo long

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That is a bad habit of mine. But i think it's because i spend all day with ds, so when fiance gets home and does things differently it makes me anxious. But I've always been that way if i do something one way that's how i feel it should be. Yes i know that isnt right, but i have gotten better throughout the years.

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I give suggestions but absolutely do not hover...and there is nothing wrong with correcting someone if they're doing something wrong because how will they learn but you also have to pick your battles ya know...like if you lotion your little one first then put the diaper on but he puts the diaper on first then the lotion...not a big deal...but if he's not giving the correct dose of medicine..that's a bit different.

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I give suggestions sometimes, but otherwise I don't unless I notice he's struggling. He gets mad when I suggest something sometimes because he says it makes him feel like I don't think he knows how to care for a baby.

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nyramak
Nyramak·Мама дочки-младенца

I try so hard not to say anything. Sometimes i end up secretly re diapering her once he's done. Lol she wiggles so much and he's doesn't really make sure it's fitting correctly. The thing is he knows what/how to do things i just can't help but be picky. ?

Edit- it's never anything dangerous. He's always very safe.

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Sometimes I do but then I catch myself and stop. As long as it's in no way hurting or endangering my son, my husband can do things like that as he sees fit.

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No, he's the parent too so he can do things his own way. Drives me nuts though, when he's not doing what I would do lol.

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I do give suggestions, if it looks like hes struggling, but he gets frustrated with himself easily when it comes to the babies.

So i would never correct him, if hes not having any issues.

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If he was doing something wrong I would correct him but if it's just different from how I do things, I just look away.

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Nope. Only if I thought it was something he didn't realise was dangerous (never happened though)

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